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The logline screams misogyny, and it doesn't disappoint.
That aside, I like this. A lot. And the ending softens the misogyny. Great writing, great characters, interesting premise. I don't buy the twist, especially given Katherine's normal reaction when she is clearly having the same delusions. If she had been excited instead of seemingly put off, that might have worked better. For the sake of the comedy, though, I guess I can live with it.
Where was the cat? We were in Katherine's apartment, you said she had a cat named Whiskers...
It's more sexual than romantic, but the tone was light and the sex was tame. Well, except for the dirty Sanchez reference.
So, I once had an imaginary friend, who claimed I was his imaginary friend, but his mate Dave couldn’t work it out...enough about that, let’s review the f**k out of this beast.
I really liked this conceptually. I mean there’s a circularity to it that is really clever and in fact I’d like to see a re-write outside of the romcom challenge as I don’t think the comedy lends itself to it particularly well. This could be a darkish drama, lots of options.
The comedy was actually a bit off putting, and quite vulgar in parts if I’m honest (and I ain’t no shrinking violet), the romance was definitely there. I reckon it’s actually one of the better ones here. Definitely give it a tidy and explore a bit further is my advice.
This was a decent effort. The concept is a little simplistic, but it's effective enough, and the ending was fun/unexpected.
Some minor nitpicks. I do think things resolved themselves a little too easily from time to time. There wasn't much of a chase as far as asking Katherine on a date, and the conflict at the end is swiftly defused. I mean, that's part of the gag, but I would've liked to have seen a little more. I also think Katherine could've been better developed as a character; perhaps you could've played off the character of Katie by showing ways in which Katherine is not at all like her and thus keeping Michael on his toes.
Not much else to say. I expect this was more or less fine. Good job.
Nothing to rip. Would only be nit-picking. This was really enjoyable. I liked it, didn't love it, and I got a sense of your characters throughout, but nothing made me bust a gut. My one note; I think you missed a golden opportunity with Katie and Katherine to play off one another. Kudos for finishing...
I get these are fantasy sequences, but can’t help but feel like there are better ways to indicate that in the writing. Could just be me.
Trying to be a little too cute with the dialogue. Basically everything fantasy Katie says makes me stop and do a double take for some reason.
Not sure I’m willing to let you make the rule that Michael and Katie can actually interact physically. It’s your story, but something about that isn’t working. Maybe there’s a twist coming, I’ll shut up…
Cute idea, flawed execution. Might not be an idea for 10 pages.
I'd list my "work" here, but I don't know how to hyperlink.
"Career" Highlights -2, count em, 2 credits on my IMDB page. -One time a fairly prominent producer e-mailed me back. -I have made more than $1000 with my writing! -I've won 2 mugs... and a thong. (polaroids of me in thong available for $10 through PM)
This for me was a confusing read. I get the idea of using make believe characters. And even they hook up in the end. But the names were similar which added to the confusion. It just wasn't for me this kind story. Sorry.
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The Go-To Girl - OWC
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