Hey writer

Well done for entering (I'm assuming you are new around here) so congrats on taking the plunge.

Your writing is too passive. Write with urgency, this is happening NOW... I.E

"All of a sudden, Scott wakes up and starts coughing very strongly until he coughs up some blood" Just tell us it happens, write actively "Scott's eyes flick open, coughs blood onto his visor"

Too much for me to comment on writing-wise - But after this OWC is done if you want my help with anything, just PM me   onto the story...

Yeah, if you are floating in space with no way to propel yourself, how did he get to the space station?

I hope those big blocks of text aren't important, because I'm not reading them (neither will script readers/producers - keep it concise, break up action blocks otherwise info will get lost and people will tune out)

telling us things in action that can't be seen are never good in a screenplay - how is that going to come across to the viewer?

Yeah, you need a lot of help - more than I can give right now - again, after the OWC, PM me if you want my help

Well done for entering

Reads like a new writer and I see there's plenty of advice in the comments so I won't repeat them. All I'll say is read lots of produced screenplays, see the patterns they follow and how they handle action, dialogue etc. and apply it to yours. You have a storyteller's imagination for sure, you just need to hone the craft.

-Mark

What exactly is "the view"? Hard to know if it';s camera direction, but what I doknow is...it isn't really needed.

Quoted Text EXT. SPACE SUPER: 2050 SCOTT is seen floating in the emptiness of space in a space suit. The voice on the radio becomes less and less clear until it fades into static. THE VIEW STARTS TO CLOSE IN ON SCOTT Scott is still floating and unconscious. The volume of the static goes down and eventually becomes silent.

Loads of passive tense, repeated information (even if a "view" closes in, Scott's position hasn't altered within seconds) and if SPACE is a header, you don't need space again.

All of a sudden Just show me what happens.

Quoted Text ...starts coughing very strongly until he coughs up some blood. He looks down at his legs only to notice that his left leg is dislocated and just hanging awkwardly.

How does he know his leg is dislocated? How do I know?  I just seen the dude in space and I didn't see anything wrong with his left leg.By the way, one cough of blood is enough. After all, he's in a suit. He's hurt. In space. It's unlikely he'd be able to say Holy shit at this point, but ...anyway...he cries...in space...coughs more,blood on the visor...kind of a stretch, but...okay...

A FLASHBACK
There was a more efficient way to write that countdown , but you chose to eat the page, And all we see is Scott and James get ready (incorrectly) foe liftoff. Soon, I'm hit with blocks of text.

I'm blasting off too.
Congrats of entering the OWC

Lot's of punctuation and grammar errors throughout. A lot of no-nos in terms of formatting and structure. There's a glimmer of imagination here so don't give up, keep writing and keep reading scripts. Read as many as you can. Congrats on entering.

This one has obviously been written by somebody new. OTN dialogue. An example of which follows:

JAMES
You know, NASA recently improved the whole
space suit by adding this feature that recycles
the air in your suit.

SCOTT
So we won't have to fill up?

Scott should really know all this before going into space. He's supposed to be a trained astronaut. The language here and throughout, the feel, it's all off. You don't have a clue regarding procedure. There's nothing. Just what you imagine in your limited mind. Put some research in. It always pays off.

An example of passive writing: Copious amounts of smoke and fire explode out of the bottom of the rocket and it begins to take off.

Using your own words and word order: Copious amounts of smoke and fire explode from the rocket as it takes off.

See the difference?

The end is lost on me.

Criteria Met (Y/N) – I don't care.
Story (1-5) –  1
Characters (1-5) – 0.5
Dialogue (1-5) – 0.5
Writing (1-5) – 0.5
Overall (1-10) – 1.25

Writer,

Great job on entering, but a guy drifting in space for forty years or so does not a story make. You need to entertain your reader, a twist near the end would be nice. Not necessary, but nice. And you need to write in a more active voice -- a lot of your descriptions come across as if we're reading a novel. This is a screenplay so it needs to read way different. Oh, and what's your aversion to periods. Huh? Huh? Anyway, congrats on entering! This is not an easy place to show off your wares, but you'll find a lot of helpful folks round here.

Steve