I suggest taking this to a another thread if you want to further debate what writers should write, the definition of torture porn etc.

Everyone's entitled to their opinion.

This particular thread should concentrate on script reviews only.

Lol, Heretic got me right. It�s surely not a pornography. I didn�t think my comment would stir so much disturbance. It�s exactly what author wanted us to see. Yeah. Torture porn. Unless you people are against this term as well but that�s how I see it.

And I also put it in a movie category with examples of movies that are alike. Not something I�d want to watch but it caters to a certain niche. What I meant was I wouldn�t submit anything like that in a competition slash challenge, any competition cos I don�t think it would be received well. But it�s surely author�s call.

I�m not in this OWC btw so I won�t be voting.  Just saying...

This reads like A Serbian Film and I hated that movie because it had no point, it was shock for the sake of shock and I feel that this piece is floating in the same waters.

Terrible dialogue "Oh no, my dick".  I can't tell if this is supposed to be some dark twisted comedy or not, but I did not laugh.

You wanted to shock people maybe? Have a laugh at someone's expense? Who knows, you clearly have the 'hot' script as it has people talking and has 3 pages worth of comments.

Congrats on that.

Reality TV goes Snuff. I suppose in a ratings war this is what entertainment is heading towards.
I read this as a satire on the whole staged/sporadic form of television shows that plague our idiot boxes night in, night out.
Despite the gore and violence, I kinda enjoyed the read. Well done.

“Writer” should apply sledgehammer to computer.

Back to reviews: I hate to say it but it was reading fairly fluid until "...Oh no! My dick!" That totally derailed the tone and the rest of the read. I think I recognize the writers style but you never know.

Overall, not a good story (for me) and the dialogue was extremely weak. Character building was actually decent. Even the O.S. characters.

Bold and ballsy.

Quoted from Dreamscale Why have all the recent posts been deleted?  Seriously...why? This is weak.  Seriously, WEAK!!!

Dammit - at least wait until I've read the comments before deleting them lol

I've saved this until last because you already have a lot of comments - But finally I can join the party lol

Not sure why this has become so controversial, but hey ho.

Writing is decent, reading it was easy and visual - kept me engaged. The dialogue not so good, maybe you wanted it that way to play on the attempted comedy element, who knows.

I think the biggest mistake with this was trying to make it a comedy - I had a hard time (and an even harder time should I be watching) juggling the gore with the comedy - I doubt I would be able to laugh at anything having watched a woman get her head caved in with a sledgehammer. (that works better if the victim isn't so human and relateable - a lot of Zombie gore works well with comedy because we are detached from the subjects being mutilated)

Better to have just made this a splatter film (Torture porn), IMHO - like Hostel or Human Centipede - Feels like the comedy was used to try and hold this back slightly.
Maybe this is an attempt to be a "splatstick" film, might work for others, not for me.

Going full-on splatter would deffo have an audience for it.

Mayhem isn't interesting, the WOMAN behind the camera more so.

I struggle to see Amber lifting the sledgehammer up, and bringing it down with enough force to do the damage she did (with one hand and in agony from her shoulder)
I also struggle to beleive Mayhem just sat there and took it - yeah he had a syringe in the balls but would that leave him frozen on the floor? without getting up to fight back?

This would benefit with more story - you had the room page count wise.

Anyway, well done on entering

Oh, criteria, I'm not giving you a pass on that. simply standing on sand does not make it relevant (all you had to do was have Amber grab a handful, throw into Mayhems eyes - then it would be relevant) same with the song - others will let it slide, but I am rewarding those who have woven the criteria into their story/action/characters/plot

This is nicely written and easy to follow. Whoever wrote this knows what they are doing.  I’m not a fan of torture porn but I know there is a market for it. I’m not against ultra-violence. I love The Purge (both the movies and excellent TV show) for example, but the violence there isn’t purely for titillation or someone venting their hatred against women. It is a commentary on the corruption of western democracy and the dangers of white right-wing extremism. Plus, there’s great characters and drama, which helps!

I feel this script uses shock value to try and mask the fact that there’s not much story to it, nor does it have anything much to say. It is a simple torturer and revenge scene and I don’t believe the criteria of the OWC were satisfactorily met.

-Mark

Personally not a fan, that said the syringe is very unneeded in the script. It does absolutely nothing.
So yeah, criteria not met.
I mean, what was in the syringe that could knock out Mayhem after one stab (at this point probably empty), but it seemingly did nothing to Amber after getting injected.
It kind of reminds me of the acid cigarette at the end of Once Upon A Time In Hollywood.
I wish there was a bit more to the ending then just the necrophilia, but so be it.

Also, I think that on page 3 you wrote MAN where you meant MAYHEM.

“Ow, my dick.” WTF?

After reading the earlier comments, I was looking forward to this. It's not the gore that bothers me, it's the massacre of a narrative. This is just a bit stupid. I don't see anything creative here. There's no real story. There's no boundary-pushing whatsoever. Nothing even remotely shocking. The story logistics do not make sense.

If I was scoring, this is what I would give:

Criteria Met (Y/N) – I don't care.
Story (1-5) –  1.5
Characters (1-5) – 1.5
Dialogue (1-5) – 2
Writing (1-5) – 2.5
Overall (1-10) – 3.75

Hello,

A long beat – hurts any reading experience; just write what happens for a long beat long.

Okay. To me the only truly interesting thing was that the creepy director woman actually "thinks to have" (in character) some artistic integrity/working ethic within her soulless business, and also even improvised her "story" regarding the Mayhem situation.

It gives a creepy thought about the people who actually film such things. And while her style is "clearly overdrawn" you still brought that aspect of "who" to the table and gave her a face.

A risky take. The sledgehammer is quite a profane set-up - maybe it has to be – but there’s still that bitter taste that some people on earth are able to take part in such enterprises like snuff or producing other material of hardest imaginable abuse etc. and to me the story wasn’t strong enough to deal with that hard reality. But that’s probably also the point why I don’t feel comfortable with the genre in general.

- Naughty boy! tut tut

Quoted from Matthew Taylor - Naughty boy! tut tut

In all seriousness, though. I'm not ashamed of what I wrote, not one bit. I knew this would ruffle some feathers, but I was hoping people would be able to look past the graphic violence and appreciate this for what it is... A satire of the torture porn subgenre. Whether or not I was successful in that, is completely up to you.

To those who said the syringe served no purpose... It was meant to imply that the girls were drugged shortly before they started filming.

And to those of you who were offended... By what? The violence? The use of the word "Slut"?

Jeff, Faisal, and all the others who praised the script, thank you very much. Can't tell you how happy it makes me knowing that people out there appreciate and understand my work.

Thanks to all who read through this. And another big thanks to Rene and Don.

Zack?  Wow...well done, Brother!  You fooled me for sure.

It was a very good entry and you should be proud.  Don't worry about the peeps who trashed it.