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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    January 2020 -  One Week Challenge  ›  Providence - OWC Moderators: ReneC, Administrator
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  Author    Providence - OWC  (currently 1780 views)
PrussianMosby
Posted: January 31st, 2020, 9:11pm Report to Moderator
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Hello,

here’s a link for you with a guide that expains the format, general style, margins etc :

https://www.oscars.org/sites/oscars/files/scriptsample.pdf

nice first page storywise

oh, Charles quickly changes his mind about shoveling

You missed some opportunities to describe the imagery of your SF world more specifically f.i.: Watcher with e-bike, mysterious cave hideout, overall scenery and atmosphere (maybe showing some post apocalyptic stuff or whatever happened to this world, at some points).

A slight Mad Max vibe was noticeable, and, I think you also got a potentially working dramaturgy with regards to your story's ending (which makes sense btw).

The execution lacks focus yet. The script also needs stronger visuals and more hints that explain the characters back-story and motives.

Anyway, it’s something to work with. Studying the format is a necessity though. Quite a good performance as a starting point. Thumbs up-



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DustinBowcot
Posted: February 1st, 2020, 6:07am Report to Moderator
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No title page and it isn't formatted anywhere near correctly. Normally, I don't mind about off-margins, but this is taking the piss.

The writing is very passive. Thankfully it's only 6 pages. Oh, 7... there's no tile page.

Oh my, you've gone uppercase crazy.

Criteria Met (Y/N) – I don't care.
Story (1-5) –  1
Characters (1-5) – 0.5
Dialogue (1-5) – 0.5
Writing (1-5) – 0
Overall (1-10) – 1
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