Good. Just damn good really.
The story could have started a bit quicker in my opinion, it took a while to really get rolling.
Thus far the only one I read with a musical number, and for some reason, I kept on imagining Gaston from Belle and the Beast singing it.

Well, it seems most of the reviewers are wrong. This isn't a retelling but, rather, a sequel. This a good story with a convenient ending that lets it down...but only slightly.


Criteria Met (Y/N) – I don't care.
Story (1-5) –  4.5
Characters (1-5) – 4
Dialogue (1-5) – 5
Writing (1-5) – 4
Overall (1-10) – 8.75

All the votes are in and none of them were/are mine so...

When you do a rewrite just remember this needs a good grammar sweep.

Englishmen (plural)
Englishman (singular)

And you hold the word of an
Englishmen?

Grounded bones of an Englishmen.
I smell the blood of an Englishmen.

This woman allowed an Englishmen into
their home, whom stole from them,

You have better remembered that
Englishmen's face.

Jeraldo contemplates over something
Jeraldo contemplates...

Whom v who

Whom should be used to refer to the object of a verb or preposition. When in doubt, try this simple trick: If you can replace the word with “he”' or “'she,” use who. If you can replace it with “him” or “her,” use whom. Who should be used to refer to the subject of a sentence.

I'm not your intended audience for this type of fantasy story so don't mind me too much. Inventive for sure - another example of using source material and embellishing which is a nifty idea, but I found myself skimming a lot.

Some nice moments of humour.

I saw all the positive feedback, and thought I better check this one out.

I did not take notes as I read, but there are lots of writing mishaps on display - Slugs are not consistent, misspellings galore, visuals not set up all that well, etc.

BUT, story-wise, this is both creative and strong.  Tone is all over the place, which isn't a complement, and I think you went a little overboard in terms of the swearing, but don't worry, I'm far from offended.

It needs some work, but it's a solid entry.