Hahahhaha.  That was a funny twist.   I was wondering where this was going but in the end it was short and sweet.  I think some work can be done to better focus Franz, even if done very subtly.  I think he just needs a tad more.

But this was really good.  Enjoyed it a lot.

Nice job.

Greg

I like it. The twist may not have been the most original, but I thought you were able to make a nice, pleasant, ghostly tale fit into just a few pages wonderfully.

Typos were a little rough.

I'm even more amused about the lady in the bed with him now, as she was apparently just a person who was probably like, "Goodness ghost, chill out and let me sleep!"

Good stuff.

I like the story and the the twist is alright. But the dialogue is weak. I appreciate you trying, but to write in that "tone" is difficult. You repeat a lot, which is annoying.

I really don't care about the typos though. But i'm from Denmark so i guess i don't pick up on them as much as others.

One thing i didn't "get": Was the butler also a ghost?

I liked this one, although I think you could tighten up the action lines a bit. And the two characters with 'Fr' names was pretty frustrating.

Overall, good job I enjoyed the read, and didn't see the twist coming. It's a fresh take on the idea of a ghost being 'misunderstood'

My sincerest gratitude to everyone who commented on this. I knew I was entering with a pretty lackluster effort since horror really does not interest me a bit. But since I got an idea and thought that it'd be rude not to enter after my previous one won, I decided to give it a go anyway. I'm actually surprised and delighted how much positive feedback this got in the end, so I do dare to claim that I've at least accomplished something.

To clarify the plot: Franz isn't meant to be the master of the castle. And Friedrich is a ghost as well. That's why he insists that there are no one else in there. He's just as oblivious to the living people as Franz is. Why.would the young girl be in bed when there's a party going on? Well, for all sorts of reasons.  Maybe she got sick or was simply fatigued.

The dialogue is rather cumbersome in purpose. The only real experience of horror I have is watching some films from the 30's and those often feature ridiculously elaborate dialogue. So the tone was a conscious homage to that.

Since I am so ignorant about the genre in general, I have to say that I had never even heard of a movie called "The Others". So the similarities are purely unintentional, although I didn't have any grand disillusions of working with a completely original concept.

About the typos and grammar mistakes I can only apologize. Once again I had to work under severe time constraints. I essentially had 4 hours to spend on this, from FADE IN: to sending the PDF. So even though I did my best to try and proofread it, there simply was no time to run it by anyone else. I don't know why the word through has been so hardwired in my brain to be spelled trough. I always make the same mistake and I don't catch it in proofreading since I think I've spelled it correctly. Well, maybe the beating I took about it will finally teach me.

Okay read this.

Some spelling errors, no big deal.

Otherwise its well writen IMO.

The story is solid as well and has a good gothic vibe. And a nice twist at the end as well. Flesh it out more and you could expand this further.

Good job!