Okay read it.

Very well written as far as I could tell.

As others have mentioned above you captured the Gothic feel very well. I also agree with others that say the story is bit "been there done that before" but IMO most are, even the more "esoteric" ones.

If this would be filmed it would look Gothic to a tee.

Good Job on getting it done.

I won't have the time to read all of the entries this time so I'm picking and choosing. Noticed some good comments on this one and thought I'd give it a read.

The writing was excellent IMO and the dialogue fit the time and place perfectly. The story was okay. I would have liked to see a little more of the actual portrait painting. Some cool things could have been done with that.

I chuckled when I read the room was filled with antique furniture. What else would there be in 1806 (I think)?

Belinda?

Great work for one week. The best one I've read so far.  

PS. are you sure about the PG rating?

I don't know if I can add anything to the discussion. The only mild issue I have is the "C' names (Corwin, Coachman, Charles -*why not just "Drayton"?) and the scuffle between Charles and Poe (which kind makes me think of ol' Edgar Alan, but that's not really a bad thing--just a tip of a hat) - which gets a bit wild and winded.

Other than that, I quite enjoyed it.
Would love to see this filmed. Really good stuff.

Wish I would have started with this one.  Very impressive.  Good read.

Pretty well written - a few awkward lines and some incorrect comma use, but leaps and bounds above every other script.  Easy and enjoyable read.

Great Gothic feel and tone.  Good characters, with well thought out dialogue.  With another look and draft, this will be great.

#1 with a bullet!  Great effort!

This was written by a writer who understood the challenge, did some research and has honed their craft. I have seen, some 'paint by numbers' comments on another thread - that's not what this script is about - this script just looks effortless, it flows.

For those with grand designs and artistic ideals of being liberated and free to express themselves understand the craft first - reading this script is seeing that craft. Very sharp for a weeks work.

There's a genuine sinster sense to this, a real period feel. Under currents of lust, passion and desire right off the bat.

The dialouge has purpose, it moves the story along and has a nice period ring to it.

Page 6 - was this an error, or did I miss something? 'Charles gazes at Madeline, they gush at each other.'

Don't you just want to give Poe a cuddle - 'I prefer my pretty ladies to the machines. You can get closer with the pretty ladies.' Great dialouge.

Great script.

This is very well written and fits with the gothic theme. The only problem I had with it was I swear to G-d I've read it before or had seen it before. I knew what was happening and I knew that our lovely ghost lady was going to go into the body of our female guest.

Why such a long logline inclusive of personal names?

You've done such a splendid job with visuals, might we have some sound, too?

I don't know you know... I feel like this could easily have been something sitting on the shelf and it wasn't pure OWC.

I feel like Stevie. I feel it needs something else to make it special. If I were sitting behind a big desk with my feet up, an unlit cigarette in my hand (because I don't smoke) and a crystal glass full of scotch and rocks, I would say to you,

"What else have ya got?"

And if the next one did for me?

I'd say yes.  

Sandra

Your descriptive passages are rock-solid, beautifully written. I love the tone and setting.

The characters are cliché and two-dimensional but that actually works in your favour. We know these characters because we've seen them a thousand times before. The story is what really drives this piece. The twist comes almost without warning, it would actually be better without that single warning of "I'm sorry!" to Melinda. You probably felt it was necessary to satisfy the requirements of the OWC but consider cutting it if you decide to polish this further.

The dialogue, however, is terrible. It tries far too hard to fit the period when it's clear you don't know the language of that period. If you do re-write this you should bring it to a more contemporary setting or conduct a bunch of research to fully grasp Old English before attempting it again.

An excellent read, one of my favourites, despite the poor dialogue. However, this would fail on the screen because of the dialogue. I'd gladly read the rewrite.

Hi I'll echo what's been said re the names - Melinda and Madeline, Charles and Corwin, and yes, Belinda and Melinda - when you're reading quickly, they kinda blend together a bit, but an easy fix

You did an amazing job at setting the mood - congrats! I admit I was a bit disappointed when it turned into a bloodbath (would've liked to see the psychological torment played out instead), but overall you did a great job

Reb, why do you have to "read quickly"?  Always a problem, as you'll miss things you shouldn't miss.

IMO, the names are obviously chosen to be alike for a reason. Don't fault the writer for that, as he put alot more time into this than anyone who has spent 15 minutes reading it.

Rene, I'm very surprised you'd comment on the dialogue being poor, or unrealistic.  Is it spot on?  No, of course not. It was written and conceived in a week...probably alot less.  Compared to not 99%, but 100% of the other entries, this is not the script to call out for bad dialogue...IMO, of course.

And no, I did not write this, either.

Whether people consider Dialogue good or bad often depends on how they "act" it out in their head. Choose the wrong voice and it can sound unrealistic, over the top..or whatever, but in reality it may be good, just geared towards a type of performance the reader isn't considering.

Mmmmm...

Script written by Don...

OWC by Don...

Mmmmm...LOL

It was a very nice read. Some times in an OWC, you read one that stands out.

Well done!

Shawn.....><

Yes, Rick, but let's be clear...there is "good" dialogue, and there is "shit" dialogue.

This is definitely not "shit" dialogue, and therefore, should not be called out, unlessof course, you're goiing to call all the scripts out for their "shit" dialogue.

Know what I'm saying?

1806 would not be old, or even medieval English. I've actually read a lot of books and essays from that period, and it's pretty similar to what we hear today, certainly not difficult to understand anyway.

But this is in Austria anyway. So it's English interpretation, whatever that means. I thought it worked.

Also, please note the opening, which done the way I think opening should be done. An opening shot to set the mood and time period, and to be a strong and appealing visual. Then right to the story. No long descriptions of the castle interior. And the very first lines get right to the heart of things. The heart of the story is set up before the end of page one. We have the strong goal of this character, to be with his wife, and we touch on his sin which led to their separation to begin with. Perfect. That's how it's done.

Exactly!!!

We're back on the same page, Kevin.  Glad to see it.

I meant no disrespect to Rene's reviews, which I have found to be quite excellent all around this OWC. I just think the dialogue was fine here, that's all. But keep up the good work, Rene!