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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2011 One Week Challange  ›  The Madness of Time - OWC
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  Author    The Madness of Time - OWC  (currently 3913 views)
Dreamscale
Posted: October 20th, 2011, 7:14pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Yes, that is my real hair...

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Maybe it'seant to be a sequel to Deliverence, "delivered" as a short?  I don't know...could be, though...


To ski or not to ski...that's not even a question.
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RayW
Posted: October 22nd, 2011, 12:09am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Freedom

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Locations & Sets  -   EXT. lake w/ marina and campground, deep water shot,
Actors  -  JOE (40), CHERYL (40), DREW (-), Hillbilly #1 & #2, ED (40)
Costumes  -  DREW's jeans and shirt, Moldy hillbilly outfits x2
Props  -  Urn w/ seal & ashes, penlight (I think you're going to need more than a penlight), tent, backpack, photograph of DREW, envelope with will, arrow through neck and one through chest, rusty shotgun
Audio FX -  thunder rumbles, immediate thunder crack, shotgun firing
Visual FX  -  thing moving in water, dark clouds looming, lightning strike to tree, shotgun firing
Other  -  Canoe rental (hopefully near site), stabilized john boat to film canoe scene, waterproof housing for underwater shot, scuba gear x 2, big fan for wind effects + extension cords or portable generator + fuel, light for lightning effect, Jeep, burning tree light, fogger, area rain equipment w/ water supply, MUA for arrows and moldy hillbillies,
Comments  -  LOL! Nice sequel action going on! The will in the tent was a bit over the top. More of a regular ghost story than Gothic horror, though



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bert
Posted: October 23rd, 2011, 11:40am Report to Moderator
God of the SimplyScriptsVerse


Buy the ticket, take the ride

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So this is an amusing tribute -- with an amiable WTF quality about it -- and I suppose it fits the requirements of the challenge if one stretches those boundaries like a batch of saltwater taffy.

The title makes zero sense.  You know that, right?

I think all of the V.O. for Drew is a mistake when he is standing right there.  The scenario is already silly enough that you might as well allow him to speak.

And you should devise a better, more visual method of letting us know that zombie #4 rising from the waters is, in fact, his dad.  Simply telling us so in the script is not adequate.  Maybe you can have Cheryl ask, "Hey...Is that Jon Voight??" as Joe bundles her into the Jeep.

This one will not win any votes for Best-in-Show -- pretty sure -- but at 8 pages it is smart enough not to overstay its welcome -- and it is unique enough to raise a wry smirk amongst what is otherwise a fairly gloomy collection of Gothic offerings.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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rdhay
Posted: October 24th, 2011, 9:07pm Report to Moderator
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Hi I'm not a huge fan of this, mainly because most of the dialogue is just exposition. And while it was creepy, I didn't get the gothic horror vibe.

That said, I love your visuals Definitely helped to set the mood you were going for.

Good job.
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leitskev
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 9:02am Report to Moderator
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I only had one problem with this story; did not seem to adhere to either components of the OWC requirements. Nothing Gothic, no misunderstood ghosts.

But, other than that, it was really fun satire! Bringing back the ghosts of Deliverance is a cool idea. This was clearly designed to toy with cabin in the woods horror, and takes the ultimate poke at all those characters in horror movies that go into places we in the audience know they shouldn't. In this case, the irony is it's the father who causes the problem himself by requesting his ashes be spread along the lake, leading his children into the same danger he once faced.

There was one other thing that disappointed me. I was waiting for a ghost to come out and yell, "squeal like a pig! Come on, squeaaaaaal!!"

Can you add that on the rewrite?

I love surprises like this in the OWC.
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stevie
Posted: October 30th, 2011, 3:58pm Report to Moderator
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Thanks to all who read and reviewed this. The idea for it was the first I got, and I usually run with my instincts. I couldn't see myself doing a full on period piece Gothic thing, well, not with a decent story to go with it.

I briefly considered something to do with Jack the Ripper but went with the Deliverance 'sequel'.

Some reviews suggested I wasn't really trying on this which annoyed me. As Ryan and Cornie can testify, I worked hard on it, scrapping most of an earlier 12 page version.


While I'm here, I'm gonna finally get my digit outta my arse and enter a comp, the LA Comedy festival one.
Am entering my zombie road trip Headlong, but am looking for help with:

A great log
And, perhaps a new title.  You don't have to read the script, the thread is on page 2 off the Comedy features, with current log.

Any help would be appreciated. I am re-reading the script now, making some edits. I have till Nov 2 to enter to get the 45 buck fee - 42 in Oz cash, bargain, woohoo!!!!


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Reef Dreamer
Posted: October 31st, 2011, 11:18am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


The effects of writing again....

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Stevie

I'll try and have a look at headlong. I remember Kevin saying it was a good one.

If you have anything specific to be looked at let me know. The only thing is that you have to accept I am relatively new.

Cheers


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
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