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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2011 One Week Challange  ›  Betrayal - OWC
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  Author    Betrayal - OWC  (currently 4009 views)
SteveUK
Posted: October 21st, 2011, 7:12am Report to Moderator
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This one was a miss for me, I'm afraid.  I haven't really got any constructive criticism to add that hasn't already be mentioned by other members.

You definitely achieved the gothic atmosphere, so job well done there, but unfortunately overall it was a little confusing and hard to read.

Congratulation on finishing a script for the OWC anyway, and keep learning & writing!
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rdhay
Posted: October 23rd, 2011, 6:48pm Report to Moderator
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Hi I really liked the atmosphere you've created - you did a nice job with that.

On the downside, you’ve overwritten, I’m afraid, to the point where the story's not clear until the expositional dialogue. And there are plenty of unfilmables that need to be fixed. And you'll want to do a check for spelling and grammar.

This does have potential though, IMO. I’d like to see a rewrite
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