SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is April 25th, 2024, 12:49pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October, 2011 One Week Challange  ›  Oct 11 Who Wrote What revealed
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Oct 11 Who Wrote What revealed  (currently 4398 views)
Don
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 4:19pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16434
Posts Per Day
1.94
Writers are revealed.

The Writer's Choice Voting results will be posted on Monday, October 31st along with the iScript of the selected script.

Don



Condemned Sanctuary by Malcom Bowman (scoob) - Short, Gothic Horror - A mother's candlelight vigil on the fifth anniversary of her son's death is interrupted by an unexpected guest. 11 pages, 5 characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format

My Love by Harley Wolfe Jr. (Hugh Hoyland) - Short, Gothic Horror -  A grief stricken lover makes a deal with the devil in hopes of being reunited with his lost love. 9 pages, 4 characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format

Traceless by Brynmor Leyshon (bleyshon) - Short, Gothic Horror - Detective Croft is on the hunt for a serial killer... who doesn't leave a trace. 6 pages, 5 characters, Hard R rating. - pdf, format

Revenant Stand by Ray (ray w) - Short, Gothic Horror - Two men are caught up in a haunting life-ending drama within an ages old forest clearing. 12 pages, 4 major and a dozen minor characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format

Abracadabra by Darren J Seeley (DarrenJamesSeeley) - Short, Gothic Horror - An eccentric 19th century magician hired to expose a paranormal fraud gets more than he expected. 12 pages, 5 characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format


All That Remains by Breanne Mattson - Short, Gothic Horror -  A woman hires a team of ghost hunters to contact her sister’s spirit and solve her murder. 12 pages, 5 characters, PG Rating - pdf, format

The Open Casket by Darren Tomalin (darrenjames) - Short, Gothic Horror - Artist, Charles Drayton, has been commissioned to paint the viscount Corwin Redwinter's portrait at his remote castle in the mountains. Redwinter's intentions towards Drayton's fiancee, Melinda Hartwell, may be less than honorable and the stuff of nightmares. 11 pages, 5 characters, PG Rating - pdf, format

Satanas by Jordan Wiebe (theboywhocouldfly) - Short, Gothic Horror - On a dark and stormy night, the Devil will come out to play, or at least try to. 12 pages, Hard R Rating - pdf, format

Sweep by Catherine Hall (cmhall) - Short, Gothic Horror - What wreckage is formed in the crossed paths of human lives... how can we ever know? 12 pages, 6 characters, PG Rating - pdf, format

The Last Stop by Rene Claveau (renec) - Short, Gothic Horror - When William gets separated from his new bride at a traveling circus, he finds all is not as it seems while trying to find her. 12 pages, 5 characters, PG Rating - pdf, format

The Haunted Tale of James O'Neil by Michel J. Duthin (michel) - Short, Gothic Horror - How open would you be to fulfilling a request by a stranger with no idea what you will encounter and might risk?  An 18 century military officer, James O'Neil, explores this offer as he unravels an unearthly tale to help someone he never met. Fate sometimes works in mysterious ways.   8 pages, 4 characters, PG Rating - pdf, format

Falling Angels by Bill Sarre (reef dreamer) - Short, Gothic Horror - A young girl has to cope with the death of her family during a dark night. War brings out the best and the worst. 10 pages, 4 characters, unrated (thus far) - pdf, format

Payer Fedris - A Gothic Dream Tax by Sandra El. Watson (sandra elstree) - Short, Gothic Horror - When a poor boy replaces his dreams with forbidden knowledge, he dreams the most expensive dream of all. 12 pages, 17 characters, Hard R Rating - pdf, format

Allured by T. Henrik Anttonen (henrik) - Short, Gothic Horror -  An eerie castle, dribbling candles, a lost officer and a bunch of ghosts. You know, the usual stuff. 7 pages, 7 characters, G rating - pdf, format

Castle Trouble by Fred Kracke - Short, Gothic Horror - The trouble stops when you die.  8 pages, 4 characters, PG Rating - pdf, format

Veil of Blood by Ryan Lee (ryan 1) - Short, Gothic Horror - A young woman ventures to her uncle's crumbling plantation in 1874 Louisiana. 12 pages, 6 characters, unrated thus far - pdf, format

Reaparations by Will Ball (albinopenguin) - Short, Gothic Horror -  Six months after the Civil War's conclusion, Colonel Henry Gibbs gets a visitor he never expected. 10 pages, 5 characters, Hard R Rating - pdf, format

Our Lady of Eternal Suffering by Rick Kinsella (scartissuefilms) - Short, Gothic Horror - When an amateur Theologian goes in search of an ancient archaelogical site, little does he know he will stumbling onto a dangerous secret that spans Space and Time… 12 pages, unrated thus far - pdf, format

Forever Thine by Sydney Cuthbert - Short, Gothic Horror - A sickly young woman is haunted by a ghost in an old victorian mansion. What does the grim spectre portend for her and her husband? 6 pages, 4 characters, unrated - pdf, format

A Price To Pay by John Carlon (JCShadow) - Short, Gothic Horror - A woman struggles to overcome the loss of her fiance while being tormented by a homicidal ghost. 11 pages, 3 characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format

Mischief At Morley House by Pete B. Lane (pete) - Short, Gothic Horror - A secret lurks ‘bout Morley House. A secret that won’t be ignored. But she don’t mean no harm - if you don’t do no harm.  12 pages, 9 characters, Hard R Rating - pdf, format

House Proud by Richard Buckley (cathead) - Short, Gothic Horror - Moving in can be scary… 10 pages, 6 characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format

Together Again… Someday by Phil Clarke Jr. (dogglebe) - Short, Gothic Horror - You can't mourn the dead when you're one of them. 6 pages, 3 characters, PG Rating - pdf, format

Open House With An Empty Heart by Baltis Sinclair Schuller - Short, Gothic Horror - When you buy a house you buy the stories within its walls... Good or Bad. 12 pages, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format

The Truth by Zane Steves (zanej) - Short, Gothic Horror - A young girl moves to a new town. A house haunted by it's past brings up old news that was buried. 10 pages, 5 characters, PG-13 rating - pdf, format

The Woods by Matthew Layden (TheUsualSuspect) - Short, Gothic Horror - Emily goes to visit her mother in the countryside. While there she sees a young boy, who terrorizes her to go into the woods. 11 pages, 3 characters, PG rating - pdf, format

The Stone Within by Jordan Littleton (nomad) - Short, Gothic Horror - [no logline] 10 pages, 4 pages, no rating - pdf, format

The Madness of Time by Steve McDonell (stevie) - Short, Gothic Horror - While fulfulling his late father's wishes, a man must face the nightmare of his father's past. 9 pages, 5 characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format

The Lonley Tenant by James Williams (jwent668
- Short, Gothic Horror - A woman rents the first renovated apartment in an old building, but she soon finds she's not the only one there. 12 pages, 4 characters, Hard R Rating - pdf, format

Innocence Condemned by Dena Mckinnon - Short, Gothic Horror - During the dark times of Christianity, a young woman finds herself accused of witch craft, haunted by a disfigured spirit, and destined for persecution. During her trials and torment, she discovers that death may not be the only punishment that lies ahead. 10 pages, 9 characters, Hard R Rating - pdf, format 8)

A Dance in the Dark by Greg Baldwin (greg) - Short, Gothic Horror - A nifty new smart phone app allows a feuding couple to communicate with the dead.   12 pages, 5 characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format 8)

Asylum by Janet Clarke (wonkavite) - Short, Gothic Horror - Insane Asylums make for strange bedfellows…  7 pages,  9 characters, PG-13 rating - pdf, format 8)

The Executioner by Kevin Lenihan (leitskev) - Short, Gothic Horror - A young woman on the run from something terrible, guided by a friendly spirit, learns the nature of her dark heritage. 12 pages, 7 characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format 8)

Annabel by Shawn Davis (ledbetter) - Short, Gothic Horror - Annabel was a good wife, when she was around. 6 pages, 6 characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format 8)

Betrayal by Quitterie Hervouet (Quiou) - Short, Gothic Horror - Louis is coming back home after 10 years in prison, but everything has changed from Marie, to his father, to his brother Jean and to his home. 12 pages - pdf, format 8)

Mr. Daniels by Alexander Toplake (Laika) - Short, Gothic Horror - An old hitman gets a visit from from his past. 7 pages, 2 characters, PG-13 Rating - pdf, format 8)



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  December 13th, 2015, 5:13pm
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Reef Dreamer
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 4:23pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Part time writer

Location
The Island of Jersey
Posts
2612
Posts Per Day
0.56
Darren,

Good writing on open casket. Well done.

All the best.


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 31
jwent6688
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 4:26pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Wherever I go, there Jwent.

Posts
1858
Posts Per Day
0.33
Great job Darren, congrats. Was my fave of what I've read. Now, to return reads I may have missed...
James


Logged
Private Message Reply: 2 - 31
Reef Dreamer
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 4:37pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Part time writer

Location
The Island of Jersey
Posts
2612
Posts Per Day
0.56
Now my instinct is to say it's a shame that some have entered and not reviewed but anybody with the name bobby42loversb (out of the dark) has my vote.

Just what does this mean?


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 31
Ryan1
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 4:54pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1098
Posts Per Day
0.22

Quoted from Reef Dreamer
Now my instinct is to say it's a shame that some have entered and not reviewed


Happens every time, no matter what.  A few scrubs show up to get reviews and you never hear from them again.

I guessed some of these correctly.  Others I was way off.  Well done by Reef and Darren James in what I think was their first owc(not sure of that).  

This was a particularly tough OWC, given the genre and the ghost reveal.  Very hard to nail the Gothic atmosphere while incorporating the "misunderstood" ghostly element.  Look forward to the results of the Writer's choice.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 4 - 31
Ectoplasm
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 5:05pm Report to Moderator
New


Can I have a sip?

Location
Hill Valley
Posts
102
Posts Per Day
0.02
Congrats to those that entered, it's interesting to see writers faced with strict challenges come up with some great, original stuff.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 5 - 31
leitskev
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 5:07pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Posts
3113
Posts Per Day
0.63
Nice job Darren! And it's really cool to see talented new people here. Enjoyed the story, Rene.

Now I have to post in my thread to explain my crazy tale!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 31
Dreamscale
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 5:35pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Congrats to Daz!  Awesome, AWESOME effort!  You nailed it, bro, and deserve the voctory, as far as I'm concerned.

Also, want to throw out some kudos to Reaf Dreamer on a great effort.  Clean up your script, fix up a few things that don't really make sense, and you've got a nice script on your hands.

To all the lowlife scumbags who entered a script and didn't read or provide any feedback to the otehr entrants, I say FUCK YOU!  Don't waste our time, next time.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 7 - 31
mcornetto
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 5:40pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from Dreamscale

To all the lowlife scumbags who entered a script and didn't read or provide any feedback to the otehr entrants, I say FUCK YOU!  Don't waste our time, next time.


This was an open comp - no requirement for someone to belong to the board.   They didn't break any rules by not reading and might not even know they could.    In fact, they probably aren't reading that comment.  

Granted, it's proper etiquette for people who enter OWCs to read scripts - especially when it's a closed challenges like last months - but it's not a rule.  

And well done Darren!
Logged
e-mail Reply: 8 - 31
ghost and_ghostie gal
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 5:52pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
A helluva long way from LA
Posts
1566
Posts Per Day
0.29

Quoted from Ryan1


Happens every time, no matter what.  A few scrubs show up to get reviews and you never hear from them again.


This is exactly why I wait until after the names are revealed.  So I know which ones to avoid.

Ghostie



Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 31
jwent6688
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 6:04pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Wherever I go, there Jwent.

Posts
1858
Posts Per Day
0.33

Quoted from Dreamscale
Congrats to Daz!  Awesome, AWESOME effort!  You nailed it, bro, and deserve the voctory, as far as I'm concerned.

Also, want to throw out some kudos to Reaf Dreamer on a great effort.  Clean up your script, fix up a few things that don't really make sense, and you've got a nice script on your hands.

To all the lowlife scumbags who entered a script and didn't read or provide any feedback to the otehr entrants, I say FUCK YOU!  Don't waste our time, next time.


I couldn't get passed your second line because of the miss-spelling.

Good job commenting on the OWC...

James



Logged
Private Message Reply: 10 - 31
leitskev
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 6:15pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Posts
3113
Posts Per Day
0.63
lol!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 31
Ledbetter
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 6:19pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Is there a full moon tonight.

Shawn.....><
Logged
e-mail Reply: 12 - 31
wonkavite
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 6:19pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



Darren, Ryan and Henrik - Kudos!  Really enjoyed yours the most!    

I'd tip my hat to Sydney, too - but it looks like he isn't a member....
Logged
e-mail Reply: 13 - 31
dogglebe
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 6:19pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from jwent6688
I couldn't get passed your second line because of the miss-spelling.


And I couldn't get past yours.

Zing!


Phil
Logged
e-mail Reply: 14 - 31
Sandra Elstree.
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 6:20pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


What if the Hokey Pokey, IS what it's all about?

Location
Bowden, Alberta
Posts
3664
Posts Per Day
0.60

Quoted from jwent6688


I couldn't get passed your second line because of the miss-spelling.

Good job commenting on the OWC...

James



You're hilarious, James!   I needed that. It's been a rough week.

Sandra



A known mistake is better than an unknown truth.
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 15 - 31
jwent6688
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 6:30pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Wherever I go, there Jwent.

Posts
1858
Posts Per Day
0.33

Quoted from dogglebe


And I couldn't get past yours.

Zing!


Phil



Fuck you Phil, for trashing the best thing I've written in the past several weeks...

James


Logged
Private Message Reply: 16 - 31
DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 7:36pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Michigan.USA
Posts
1522
Posts Per Day
0.31
Ryan 1 wrote my favorite of the bunch, but I'm very impressed with the other Darren's work! Great job everyone for giving the OWC a go.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
Logged Offline
Site Private Message AIM YIM Reply: 17 - 31
bert
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 7:49pm Report to Moderator
Administrator


Buy the ticket, take the ride

Location
That's me in the corner
Posts
4233
Posts Per Day
0.61
Interesting reveals.

The anonymous thing usually drives me crazy, but I have to say this time I think it served its purpose well.

Some reliable favorites such as Phil, Brea, and Balt failed to lead the pack -- when they might have otherwise steamrolled the less familiar entrants on name recognition alone -- had the names been there.

And some well-deserved props were handed out to some of the new guys who otherwise might have received little attention -- and they also participated in the proceedings with solid reading contributions -- so a big cheers to Darren and Rene.  Way to go guys.

As for the total non-reader entrants -- while Jeff's post may be too harsh, Cornetto's is too forgiving -- and I am certainly closer to Jeff on that spectrum.

If I "accidentally" read a script from such an author during the anonymous phase, I go back and delete my feedback, and encourage others to do the same.  If the author is watching the boards at all, a dramatically shrunken thread at least sends a message.  At the very least, it helps drop them down to the cellar.

There are a few entrants I want to look at now, for sure.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 18 - 31
Hugh Hoyland
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 7:50pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Florida
Posts
328
Posts Per Day
0.07
Great job Darren! Very well done indeed.

Harley


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 19 - 31
Dreamscale
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 8:47pm Report to Moderator
Guest User





Funny, you A-Holes!  Little hammied here.  Sorry for the poor spelling.  I'm not on my computer and I don't have any spellchecking going on.

Bert, good idea.  I will go back and pull my posts on those writers who didn't provide any feedback.  Anyone know who they all are, to make it easier for all of us to do the same?

I'll also go back and reread those by contributing writers that I originally gave up on and give some solid feedback, that will hopefully help.  
Logged
e-mail Reply: 20 - 31
dogglebe
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 8:58pm Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from jwent6688
Fuck you Phil, for trashing the best thing I've written in the past several weeks...


In the passed several weeks...

I'm screwing with you now.  Your grammar was right this time, but your script blew goat balls... whichever one it was.


Phil

Logged
e-mail Reply: 21 - 31
wonkavite
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 9:50pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



To James...  *I* thought your "F-you, Phil" retort was hysterical.  Hear hear!  Give the big guy a good bitch slap for me!  

Sincerely, "Mrs. Phil"....    
Logged
e-mail Reply: 22 - 31
ReneC
Posted: October 29th, 2011, 10:28pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Vancouver, BC
Posts
1435
Posts Per Day
0.31
Congrats to Darren, great job. I voted for ya.

I guess I have some explaining to do for mine. Glad a bunch of you liked it, I'm still quite pleased with the pages, with some tweaking I think it'll be a worthy addition to my portfolio.

This was fun, and I really like this site. I'll be seeing a lot of you guys.


Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 23 - 31
TheUsualSuspect
Posted: October 30th, 2011, 1:45am Report to Moderator
New



Location
Canada
Posts
351
Posts Per Day
0.05
I wish I could have gotten to more scripts, been super busy this month. Enjoyed most of what I read.

congrats everyone.


A Picture Is Worth

If you want me to read your script, send me a link.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 24 - 31
Reef Dreamer
Posted: October 30th, 2011, 6:52am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Part time writer

Location
The Island of Jersey
Posts
2612
Posts Per Day
0.56
Thanks Dreamscale and Ryan, i appreciate the kind words.

Falling Angels was only my second short. I have LOTS to learn. I will post seperately on this.,

In the meantime i am aware that some of my reviews were rushed, so if anybody wants clarity or a second read let me know. I have re read a handful and they were all better second time!

I  note there has been a debate about whether to let new writters join the OWC. I can see both sides of the debate, especially when a poor effort is posted, but for me it has been very useful and a great education.

All the best


My scripts  HERE

The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville
Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final
Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards.  Third - Honolulu
Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place
IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
Logged
Private Message Reply: 25 - 31
greg
Posted: October 30th, 2011, 12:11pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Oh Hi

Location
San Diego, California
Posts
1680
Posts Per Day
0.24
Hey, cool.  Congrats Darren on garnering all those votes!

My favorite is Allured, another Henrik script.  A lot of twist endings in this OWC, but I enjoyed that one the most.  

Greg


Be excellent to each other
Logged
Private Message Reply: 26 - 31
Scoob
Posted: October 30th, 2011, 6:19pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


Location
UK
Posts
583
Posts Per Day
0.08
Well done Darren, congrats!



Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 27 - 31
Zanej
Posted: October 30th, 2011, 8:02pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Eureka, CA
Posts
62
Posts Per Day
0.01
Congrats Darren enjoyed the read as well as several others.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 28 - 31
darrentomalin
Posted: October 30th, 2011, 11:20pm Report to Moderator
New



Posts
247
Posts Per Day
0.05
This is why I love coming here!
Thanks ever so much for the congrats, and for the support, it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and as a newbie it was a right shock to see the results!
I kept checking every few hours incase there was some terrible mistake.
Congrats to everyone who entered, I only commented about what I think I know about and I enjoyed ALL of the scripts on different levels.
Something can always be harvested from other peoples words no matter whether you understand them or not.

(p.s. did anyone find the secret message in the dialogue?)


I now go on to address some of the critique offered so you can stop reading this now if you like


I went into this not knowing a thing about gothic (other than what wikipedia had to say) and only my third short and fourth actual script after taking up writing only a few months ago. Took my cue from 60's Hammer films.
Its my second OWC, the first was last month's "Waiting" (the dentist/hells waiting room)
I took all the critique that was offered, and wrote a quick second draft including some of it.
Yes it was cliche but I beleived that "cliche" is just anotehr name for "trope" and what is a setting without its trademarks? Cliche by deffinition is familiar.
Melinda and Madeline were meant to have similiar names.
I hated the way Charles escaped from Poe too but couldnt think of anything better in time, stories are full of convenience IMO but the new draft is a bit more realistic(?)
I loved the suggestion about the eyes in the portrait at the end.
Melinda and Charles were meant to gush at each other at dinner, not Madeline and Charles oops.
When Poe looks down at the knife and says "Belinda, you betrayed me" Belinda was the name of the "pretty lady" charles used, hence, he felt betrayed. I changed the two lead girls names later on in writing and forgot to go back and change "Belinda" to something different. double oops.
Wanted to give more explanation as to why Madeline betrayed the VIscount at the end but was running out of space and didnt want the twist to be too obvious.
I felt that the "and forgiveness" line was enough foreshadowing.
Oh yes - the dialogue, I read a bit of Bronte, Williams, Fitzpatrick and Emlyn to get the feel so thought it was well researched. (and I am English lol)
Anyhow, thanks again, thats made my month!
Daz


http://darrentomalin.webs.com/index.htm

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 29 - 31
albinopenguin
Posted: October 30th, 2011, 11:49pm Report to Moderator
Been Around


I got dipping sticks.

Location
Los Angeles
Posts
785
Posts Per Day
0.14
this comes a bit late, but congrats darren! and i agree, i enjoyed many of the entries this month. can't wait for the next OWC


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 30 - 31
darrentomalin
Posted: October 31st, 2011, 11:41am Report to Moderator
New



Posts
247
Posts Per Day
0.05
Oh yes, almost forgot - Loglines... a little advice? lol.


http://darrentomalin.webs.com/index.htm

Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 31 - 31
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    October, 2011 One Week Challange  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006