Secret Package by Marcus Aurelius - Short, Drama - Outsourcing takes on new meaning and achieves new successes in The Secret Package. - pdf, format

Wow. Just wow. I loved this. Everyone read this. Well done!

Just finished.  THAT, is a major cool secret!!  Poor varmint. . .

Buahaha I was so confused until the elevator part. Nicely done.

Sean

Hmmm...well, at least this one was written by someone who knows what they're doing...but...I don't see any of the theme whatsoever, unless I missed something.  And that could easily have happened, with all the various wierd shit going on.

Loved the Nicole Kidman reference, but didn't understand anything here at all, and didn't really care to, based on the obvious weirdness of the whole thing.

What??????

We all know our Pia is truly cool in real life...as she obviously is in this short...but seriously, way too much going on in this for a short.  I found myself not caring if I read to the end...even though I did.

Hurray for Pia and Fedex.

Morgan

I wasn't following the action in the jet. Neither did I get the relevance of Letterman or Nicole Kidman but you had a story. Great action going on there.
Comedic that the president would fedex a bomb to bin laden too. LOL

Everything is being outsourced these days.  That is a terrific idea.  Pia Pickens!  What a great visual that is!  I really did like this script, as it definitely has the same scattered lunacy of Dr. Stranglove.

This was pretty funny and hit the genre and theme of the challenge fine.

A bit too much going on for the page count but it was surprisingly easy to follow even still. There was little believability about the script but I think that was your intention.

Good, tongue-in-cheek script. Maybe a little too much 'borrowed' from other films though.

I didn't think this was that much of a drama, it was a bit more of a satirical comedy.  It was also full of in-jokes to the point where anyone who wasn't pretty much a regular to the site wouldn't get it.  For what it was it was amusing.

I don't think it took the challenge serious though. And from what I could tell no secret was revealed at a picnic.  The fact that their was a secret was, but not the secret itself.

And also, if you're going to have flashbacks please indicate them in some way.

When Cornetto guessed I wrote this one I had to read it to see why.  I'm guessing it's because of my elevator comments from the OWC thread...

This is the second one I've read that didn't take the competition seriously.  Honestly, that sort of bums me out.  Thats all I have to say about that.

I agree, Hig.  2 of these scripts blatantly didn't take this seriously, and a number of others made no attempt to follow the theme and guidelines.  That's why I've been less than impressed so far.

What ??? Pia, Nicole, Letterman..

Anyway its clear as day you're a writer. Descriptions were the best i've read this OWC so far, but, really... why have so much shit going on!?

QUESTIONS:

What was exactly the secret?

Is there a reason nobody knows how to follow a simple theme?

God, who knows. I'm starting to not care.

This one was written well but felt there was too much action for my liken.  And I didn't notice this secret revealed too.  The script obviously isn't serious and so was the writer.

A nice effort but not in tune with the competition.

This was good, and obviously all the inspiration was taken from the OWC thread, I am sure that raping Nicole Kidman in an elevator may even have come from me! lol.

I have no idea why people are against somebody injecting a bit of fun into the OWC? What on Earth is so wrong with not taking the OWC seriously?

This aint the Nicholls folks, there are no prizes up for grabs, if somebody wants to use the script club as a way of chilling out and writing something funny and topical then so what? I have no idea at all why this should present a problem to anyone.

As a script club entry this probably misses the mark, not really a drama, more of a farce. As a funny little script to read on a Monday morning then this did a great job.

Well done.

I'll be honest and say I laughed more at "Love is all you need" and we know what everyone thinks of that. I'm not saying this is bad, I just didn't find it funny in the slightest. Comedy is subjective, blah, blah, blah.

On the plus side, the descriptions were clear, easy to undertsand. A lot was packed into very few pages, maybe that's why it missed the mark with me, I don't know.  

This one was fun! I did like the writing and pace. It was light on meeting the criteria - I mean if we were writing comedy, let's all write comedy.

Weird and well written but doesn't hit the genre. In fact, the secret is revealed but to us not the other characters. Good thing. BTW, are Mark, Pia, and Jerry related? If not, they're not family.

Michel

Quoted from mcornetto I didn't think this was that much of a drama, it was a bit more of a satirical comedy.  It was also full of in-jokes to the point where anyone who wasn't pretty much a regular to the site wouldn't get it.  For what it was it was amusing. I don't think it took the challenge serious though. And from what I could tell no secret was revealed at a picnic.  The fact that their was a secret was, but not the secret itself. And also, if you're going to have flashbacks please indicate them in some way.

You get 5,000 of my worthless points...

Quoted from Don Yes, all are military leaders.    You get 10,000 points (totally worthless). Don

...for (being the first at) pegging where this all came from.

While the thread disappeared (I think), there were a couple of joked about Genre/Themes (Pia package and Kidman), and two official Genre/Themes. I read that thread with some interest, what with all the Pia package jokes and all, then the Nicole Kidman stuff, then the elevator rants, etc. etc. Each reference put something in my head that stayed there. The catalyst was reading a story on Pentagon budget cuts and from there the thing wrote itself.

so for those that got confused...

Quoted from Zombie Sean Buahaha I was so confused until the elevator part.

Quoted from Dreamscale but...I don't see any of the theme whatsoever, unless I missed something.  And that could easily have happened, with all the various wierd shit going on...but didn't understand anything here at all, and didn't really care to, based on the obvious weirdness of the whole thing.

Quoted from MBCgirl What??????

You couldn't have said it better.

Quoted from JamminGirl I wasn't following the action in the jet. Neither did I get the relevance of Letterman or Nicole Kidman

Quoted from BryMo What ??? Pia, Nicole, Letterman... why have so much shit going on!?

Quoted from michel Weird

...sorry.


As for being serious about it (many comments on that one), you have a point, however getting all four elements became a challenge to me. You and the others who commented about being off challenge, are technically correct. Won't be the first (nor the last) time someone's chastised me for coloring outside the lines.


and for the other 5,000 worthless points...

Quoted from Murphy I have no idea why people are against somebody injecting a bit of fun into the OWC?

you get 'em.

And last, but the most important:

for Pia, I don't know you, and I hope I didn't offend by injecting you in the story like I did. You do kick ass here, though.

Hey,

I had to of course read this one!!!

Don't worry about offending me or make fun of me. I do all the time. What's also funny is that I happen to know someone else was inspired to write something regarding the "discussions" after the OWC announcement. It's titled Pia's Package... Does this mean I'm a star now????  

I actually liked this one a lot! I thought it was funny and I was impressed by the writing. Great action writing!

Was it drama about a secret revealed at a family picnic? Not really, but the script was none the less a great read.

You did great.  

Pretty action packed stuff, I don't know why everyone is gettin so stressed out over it not taking the OWC seriously. Everyone has there own way of telling a story, although the secret part was slightly overlooked, it wasn't the big "oh" most people were expecting especially based on the other works submitted.

It had its moments, a good slice of tongue in cheek humour.