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Dialogue was a problem for me, a big problem. I had some trouble reading as not much was happening. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad, it just wasn't enough to keep my full attention for more than a few minutes at a time.
It wasn't too bad. But it did have it's flaws. There's no real payoff at the end, especially after Stu smiles. I expected some kind of confrontation between the three, but nothing. The whole thing had a comedic feeling to it for me somehow. Especially during the making out scene. I expected some kind of comedic ending where they all get their own back on Dan.
Anyway, not bad, just needs more practice.
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My name is Gary Rademan and I wrote this, my first, script. I’ve belonged to the site for about one month now. I must say, I appreciated all the time put into reviews of my work and have reviewed other unproduced scripts a number of times. This script is a slice of my adolescence which is why I thought it was an awesome OWC entry. However my re-reading of the script, your reviews and ratings (25/50) are less awesome but nonetheless spot on. I shall do better. Thank you.