Cool. A cartoon. I was kinda hoping it would be family friendly though.

First off, I like Walt. Just a lovable and instantly relatedable killer whale. Who'd of thought? Hehehe. You worked with stereotypical characters,  but I think it works here. Especially when considering a family audience.

An important message here is telling kids why animals eat other animals, and to see it as nature. Not scary.  I think you may have missed the mark there. The shark is scary. His line... I'll teach you... really creeped me out.

I also liked the message about imagination. It's cool when you refer to it as a 3rd eye. Normally I'd think of the spiritual reference. This way kids watching this cartoon might be more curious about their own imagination and the ability to envision possible future outcomes.

Some violence and coarse language harms the flow and content overall. I'd consider imagining this as family entertainment.

I like how you convey that Walt is no coward, he just doesn't attack the helpless. He fights when he needs to. Some badass dialogue during confrontation. I like the repeated message of 3 eyes.

This was light on strong imagery for me. I would consider some quiet moments with strong visuals. A good option would between scenes when jaws leves walt and goes to Walt's family. Maybe you could show Walt lamenting. Mad at himself. Searching for more seaweed. Maybe finding a struggling injured fish caught in a clam. He decides to not eat it, but help him. Then Walt feels down on himself during swim home.

Just some ideas to better convey the message. Let it breathe anbit more. And rely on some images vs dialogue.

Nice parable. Consider making more visual and kid friendly.

Wow. This reads like animation. I’m not sure I like the title much for this, but I do like the logline.

You did a decent job with your characters. I enjoyed Scrub the best although I think he could’ve been a little amped up. One problem I found with your characters was that they all sound the same. None of them had their own voice. Jaws was supposed to be big and bad(maybe a bully from fish childhood it seemed), yet his dialogue was similar sounding to Walt, who was somewhat an alternative to the circle of life. Walt was like a vegan in the fish world LOL That part is unique and I love anything original, but make sure to give each of your characters their own voice and make them more diverse.  

I feel like this writer could’ve been rushed to finish or something. It’s a cute story, just not as well thought out as it could’ve been in my opinion. The writing is good. Decent job for a week’s work! I enjoyed reading it.

Hunt

Animated script - nice to see a difference. Let's see...

Now I have repeated parts of my slugline, but to point out its a cave when it's in the slugline is not great.

Ok a reluctant killer whale, taught how to hunt by a shark, who then goes after his family and they get together to fight him off.

To me the conclusion of this would be the father realises what he needs to do best for his family and that feeding is a natural park of life, for a killer whale, like defending his family. As parents we have to do things we'd prefer not to.

The veggie option seems a tad too sharks tale for me.

Otherwise a bold attempt.

I'm not gonna overthink this one.  All in all, I enjoyed it.  Sure it's got some flaws, but not bad for a week's worth of work.  

Good job on keepin' it PG-13.

Cool spin on Jaws' legend, writer.  I liked it quite a bit.

Though, I suspect this is aimed at kids?  Animation and what-not, or I could be wrong.

There's something rather comical about an INFANT WHALE calling a MANEATING GREAT WHITE an "asshole", lol.  I couldn't help but laugh in that instance.

All in all this was a fun read.  A nice break from the serious with a bit of the comic.  Couldn't help but think I was imagining watching a Pixar movie for some reason, like Shark Tale or Finding Nemo.

Short: 8/10 (a kind little adventure with spark)
Shark: 9/10 (you nailed what a shark is with Jaws IMO)

Kudos for going the animation route. Nice to read something a bit different.

Very cutesy and kid friendly. Not really my cup of tea but I won't hold that against you.

Descriptions were alright. Slightly confusing at times, especially when it comes to the action.

Having a bit of a problem with the over arching story. Most stories for kids have some sort of morale. But I'm a little lost of the message.

Regardless, a quick and easy read. Would focus this one a bit more during the rewrite.

B- for me.

Sorry writer... couldn't do it. Others seem to like it though. So who cares what I think.... good job.

Hello.

I think you should build up and draw a better world where those animals live in. There's so much dialogue which is only interrupted by a shark or whale grinning or doing other mimics. The visual appearance should be better. That's just my opinion how animation should work. When they speak, I only see them speaking while they swim in the middle of nowhere. I didn't saw a combination and balance between dialogue and what the characters are actually doing.
I guess you just wanted to tell it dialogue-driven and that's not my taste...

8. Hunt - A killer whale faces adversity in more ways than one.
Brief - Hell Disney: agro Nemo + killer whales + sharks mash up.

Characters to Animate/Voice - 5/4
Walt, Maddie, Scrub, Hearty, Jaws
Scenes to Build  - 5/4
Active coral reef, ocean cave, open ocean 3x,
Accessory Visual - >7
Seaweed movement, three killer whale calves, Walt smile, tuna school, surface swimmer, boat shadow, Jaws grin,
Accessory Audio - 4
underwater swish, snap, rushed bubbling, thump

Genre & Marketability - Fantasy Drama
Script format - Fair
Comments  -  I think I’ll ditch the coral reef build and just economize with open ocean 3x. Jaws makes this story’s fifth speaking part. Ditch the hearty character. If Jaws said “Don’t look like it” while Walt had seaweed in his mouth that would be better. Dialog’s pretty bad. Page 6’s slug “EXT. OCEAN - DAY” should be “LATER.” By page nine this is reading like a horrible Disney movie. By the end of page ten I’m pretty sure I’m not interested in producing this. But I am impressed the potential economy of sound usage, lotta re-use available.
Final word - Pass. I don’t know who the market is for this “hell Disney” story.

10/15           Lo/Hi Estimated Build Hours per Screen Minute
x 11.5          Screenplay Pages
= 115/173     Total Build Hours Time Cost

Cute little story that gets bogged down a bit by the dialogue. I like the concept of a killer whale learning hunting tips from a great white shark only to use what he learned at the end against him. I feel you could eliminate Hearty's character altogether. He didn't really serve a purpose in the story. Focus on Walt and Scrub's relationship and Walt and Shark's hunting venture. The real meat of the plot. You've got a nice story, especially for one week, just needs a rewrite.

Congrats on completing the OWC.

Just a quick thank-you for all the reads -- as some of you guessed, this was a first hack at an animation, so of course it went wanting - but thanks for the input nonetheless