SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 4:03am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    April 2014 One Week Challange  ›  Up from the Depths 2 - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Up from the Depths 2 - OWC  (currently 4447 views)
Don
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 12:20pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
Up from the Depths 2 by Jeff Bush (dreamscale) - Short, Shark - Young Newlyweds are menaced by a rogue shark while honeymooning on Maui. 12 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  April 15th, 2014, 8:04pm
revised draft
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
NickSedario
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 12:38pm Report to Moderator
Guest User






Oh...my...gosh.

I'm speechless.



Logged
e-mail Reply: 1 - 37
DustinBowcot
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 1:08pm Report to Moderator
Guest User



So far it seems like it's written by a sexually frustrated fourteen-year-old boy. Dialogue is cut straight from a bad seventies porno, really OTN.

Code

JOSH
Sees us? Who's gonna see us,
Sugarplum? There's no one here but
us Newlyweds. Let's both get
completely naked and have wild
unbridled sex in the beautiful ocean
and all the Hawaiian fishes can watch.



I'm at page 4 and I'm imagining Sid James in the main part. It's like a Carry On Film. You should have called this Carry On Shark. Or maybe, Confessions of a Frustrated Coconut Collector.

Code

Josh immediately pops morning wood.

RIP!!!
POP!!!
BOING!!!

Josh's trunks rip.



Cartoon sound effects? I suppose the 'boing' is his dick getting hard... or is it the pop? Or both? BTW, morning wood is reserved ONLY for the morning, when one wakes up in the morning... not for everyday erections.

Out at page 6 on this one. Dialogue is the worst I've read so far. I may come back for another go, but I doubt it with this one.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 2 - 37
oJOHNNYoNUTSo
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 1:53pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Posts
817
Posts Per Day
0.19
SPOILERS

Mama said a lot of things, none of which will prepare you for what lurks beneath the water in Up from the Depths 2. This is insightful examination of two Newlyweds discovering each other through the jaws of a shark is unmatched, so raw, hard and intimate; all I can do is stand alone and clap.

As I read, I could taste the bounce, and my cookie crumbs fell into my milk. It quenched my thirst only to want more. I will patiently await its sequel.

Bravo.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 37
Gum
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 2:27pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Some travelling Circus...
Posts
832
Posts Per Day
0.42
WTF did I just read?! Sorry man, I could only get to about pg. 8. Funny as sh*t though!
Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 37
stevie
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 3:41pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Down Under
Posts
3441
Posts Per Day
0.61
DJ you specifically told me there were no comedies allowed. I skimmed is as it looked like a comedy.

If the scripts aren't thriller/drama/ horror/action/adventure as some of these aren't then why where they deemed to qualify?



Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 37
Dreamscale
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 4:02pm Report to Moderator
Guest User





Wow...hilarious!  I knew a pisser or 3 would creep in.

I actually laughed out loud numerous times.  The dialogue sounds like everyone was lobotomized - LOVE it!

It's funny, cuz I wasn't sure where this was gonna go early on, but I sure didn't think it was going where it went.  Baby Rogue Tiger Shark...classic.

Somebody had some fun here and it works as intended. Congrats on entering.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 6 - 37
DV44
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 5:05pm Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
California
Posts
510
Posts Per Day
0.12
Loving the dialogue. You get me? Funny stuff but we were told no comedies. Have to say though, that you have one heck of an imagination. Baby sharks that suck mens members. Priceless.

Congrats on completing the OWC.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 7 - 37
DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 5:20pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Michigan.USA
Posts
1522
Posts Per Day
0.31

Quoted from stevie
DJ you specifically told me there were no comedies allowed. I skimmed is as it looked like a comedy.

If the scripts aren't thriller/drama/ horror/action/adventure as some of these aren't then why where they deemed to qualify?


I guess Don allowed it. But you're right. I said comedic elements are fine so long as comedy is not the main genre. For example, it's a drama and one character tells a joke. Or the film Jaws isn't a comedy oif course, but Matt Hooper makes faces and mocks Quint. That's the kind of thing I was talking about. Light humor from character by character. Not...

Whatever this is. I was out by five.
The dialog was painful. The slugs annoying.
Sadly, reading this makes me wonder if the writer ever had a girlfriend that stayed with him for more than ten minutes.,

Too juvinile for my blood.


"I know you want to work for Mo Fuzz. And Mo Fuzz wants you to. But first, I'm going to need to you do something for me... on spec." - Mo Fuzz, Tapeheads, 1988
my scripts on ss : http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1095531482/s-45/#num48
The Art!http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-knowyou/m-1190561532/s-105/#num106
Logged Offline
Site Private Message AIM YIM Reply: 8 - 37
Ryan1
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 5:39pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1098
Posts Per Day
0.22
Hmm, rock hard nips, giant jugs, raging boner with a toothless baby shark attached to it.  Can't imagine for the life of me who could have possibly written this magnum opus.  

Had some laughs but I think it's always better to be mercifully short with pissers.  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 9 - 37
stevie
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 10:31pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



Location
Down Under
Posts
3441
Posts Per Day
0.61
Lol, there's some good lines in here.

I wasn't supposed to read it now, was I, as it's ineligible but the author threatened me with a gummy shark



Logged
Private Message Reply: 10 - 37
Reel-truth
Posted: April 6th, 2014, 11:01pm Report to Moderator
New



Location
Brooklyn, NY
Posts
90
Posts Per Day
0.02
Ok….Here comes the harsh review.

Am I the only one that didn’t think this was funny. I tried man.  I read like 9 pages, The whole “you get me” thing, was killing it for me. It’s like” nah mean” but a cornier version. The dialogue and story was just too wacky and bizarre for my taste.  

It’s amazing how some ppl on here can laugh at this type of shit. Not only laugh but consider it insightful and a pisser? Really? I guess that's why they say comedy is subjective.

I did like the idea of two newlyweds in Maui…then throw a shark into it. It could be have been cool if you went with a different tone. Comedy is one thing. I love something that can make me laugh. But it was coming off as reaching for that shock laugh. Which I usually don’t bite on.

I thought this was suppose to be horror based or drama. With maybe some sprinkles of comedy. This just felt like reading a Laffy taffy, without the laughs.

Mad harsh review I know…But hey…I didn’t like it..lol

Congrats on finishing the OWC

Best of luck



Logged
Private Message Reply: 11 - 37
DustinBowcot
Posted: April 7th, 2014, 1:13am Report to Moderator
Guest User




Quoted from Dreamscale


Wow...hilarious!  I knew a pisser or 3 would creep in.

I actually laughed out loud numerous times.  The dialogue sounds like everyone was lobotomized - LOVE it!

It's funny, cuz I wasn't sure where this was gonna go early on, but I sure didn't think it was going where it went.  Baby Rogue Tiger Shark...classic.

Somebody had some fun here and it works as intended. Congrats on entering.


How can you like a piece of crap like this yet hate on scripts that are written ten times better? This is a massive pile of shit, mate... unless, it was you that wrote it. If that is the case, you should be ashamed of yourself. Mostly everyone else took the contest seriously.

If this is you.... then all this does is make you look scared of having a serious attempt. Maybe this is a serious attempt. This wouldn't be the first thing I've read of yours that looks like it's come from the mind of a sexually frustrated 14-year-old boy.
Logged
e-mail Reply: 12 - 37
rendevous
Posted: April 7th, 2014, 1:33am Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Away

Location
Over there.
Posts
2354
Posts Per Day
0.43
Queequeg. That rings a bell. Moby Dick? Ah yes it was.

Uh oh. I think I know where this going.

Just married yesterday and he doesn't know what his wife looks like naked? Ah, I get it. They got on a plane, flew all the way out here straight from the wedding then instead of going to a hotel they threw their luggage in the sea then decided to talk to this guy about him not getting her clothes off yet.

Cos that type of stuff happens all the time with newlyweds, don't it just.

Now I'm back watching Carry On Where's My Pants Gone.

Cornfed? She's not a chicken.

What's that noise? It's Benny Hill turning in his grave and shouting 'Stop using my sound effects.'

Torpedo like breasts? She's got breasts like missiles? Oh well. For each their own, I suppose.

Even John Holmes would struggle to trip over himself.

I like a laugh. It would be nice to have one soon.

This is more Movie 43 than comedy, to me. I dunno. Give Sandler a ring. He might bite your hand off. Christ knows this is the same level as some comedy films.

Sorry not to be more positive. I think teenage lads might find this funny. If they stayed in a lot. Or maybe not.

R


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here

Revision History (1 edits)
rendevous  -  April 7th, 2014, 1:35am
TiePeso
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 13 - 37
nawazm11
Posted: April 7th, 2014, 2:52am Report to Moderator
Been Around



Posts
945
Posts Per Day
0.21
Another pisser it seems? Title doesn't help your case.

I'm not sure whether the Raphael and Lenny duo are funnier than the perverted Maccabee.

"TRAIL TO PU'U PU'PU OLA'I BEACH" I've shamefully made this joke once or twice when I watched the Descendants.

"RIP!!! POP!!! BOING!!!"  , plenty of writers out there who put in too many sound effects, me included... Nice to see you're poking fun.

Not sure what it was with this one, I found it repetitive more than anything. Don't think it was worth the slog, didn't find a lot funny either. Maybe it's hard for anything to try and keep up with the gem that is Jowls, but as a pisser, the comedy didn't appeal to me. There's another similar one with eggplants and a pool that I read quite a while back, didn't think a lot changed really. Pretty obvious who wrote it too, judging from previous pissers and OWC entries.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 14 - 37
 Pages: 1, 2, 3 » : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    April 2014 One Week Challange  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006