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Alright, so... now that I've had time to catch up on a few more pressing matters...
Tell me WHY you chose to go this route, writing and submitting a pisser?
I'm not at all being judgmental, I just have a casual interest in the decision making process of how someone goes from "I could do such-and-such" to "Hail, yeah! I think I will... pound, pound, pound... SEND-ola! Ahahahahahaha!"
Well, time constraints are a big part of the equation. But I usually start with an outlandish idea and make it more digestible. Most of my ideas could be interpreted as pissers initially. But that's just me writing without boundaries. From there, I figure out what works and what doesn't.
Heck, my feature length was a mash up of Home Alone, Hostel, and the Hangover. It's just kinda my thing. I'd rather write something fun and brash.
Furthermore, I didn't want the audience to like these characters. They're digusting pigs. But I want to make them a little more unique. Add some depth. Definitely something I'll be adding to the rewrite.
If I might, I have a question for you (and everyone). Does the premise work? I mean, if you're depressed, suicidal, and vengeful, why not?
I think I need to add some more depth to Nemo. Make her more intelligent and explore her reasoning. Maybe I should offer an explanation as to why she chose to kill her attackers via shark attack rather than a shotgun to the face.
Before I go back and reread this - in a different light, of course - first tell me in what direction would you like to shift the genre focus to? Absurdist comedy? OTT, balls out comedy? A dark tragedy? What? Where?
Then I/we could cogitate on different approaches to that destination.
How about you? Seen some/most/all of those? You just kinda lump 'em all together?
I dunno.
I just glazed over the script "as is", identified three 1980's surfer pothead fratties and a dead drunk girl.
Do you really wanna keep the shark thing? Do you really wanna keep the 1980's surfer pothead lingo? They seem like three f#cking idiots in a contrived situation instead of three amusing dummies in a f#cked up situation.
This "most" seems a lot like it could be like the tension mechanics of the "Vincent Vega and Marsellus Wallace's Wife" scene in Lance's living room in 'Pulp Fiction.' http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pulp_Fiction_(film)#.22Vincent_Vega_and_Marsellus_Wallace.27s_Wife.22 Not so bright guys in a situation where they could get into a lotta trouble, kinda don't really know exactly how to get themselves out of it.
Sound about right?
And you wanna do that with inebriated/hungover 1980 surfer fratties?
Thanks man. I'm thinking of actually rewriting this three times. Turning the concept into a trilogy like set of shorts.
First short- revising what I already have.
Second short- reversing everyone's sexes.
Third short- the guys were injected with LSD and now they're tripping balls. And their guilt ridden past causes them to go on a terrible trip. Kinda like the baby from Trainspotting, but it's the sole focus.
Also, RayW, I've seen all of those films and love most of them. The only one I havent seen is You Kill Me. I'll be sure to check it out. Thanks for the recommendations!