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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    July 2013 One Week Challenge  ›  Bee Boy - OWC
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  Author    Bee Boy - OWC  (currently 5342 views)
Dreamscale
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 2:15pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from dogglebe
I thought the following:

was extremely lazy writing.  You can show time passing in more visual ways than this.  You're in the forest!  Use it!  Show trees blooming and the leaves turning brown later on.  Show the same deer drinking from a stream and have it grow in a series of shot.


Very true and good advice, but this is the central problem in this entry, as the parameters clearly said that the script needed to take place in July 2013.  The reality of that restriction was to do away with scripts that covered more than a month of time.

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Pale Yellow
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 3:06pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Dreamscale


Very true and good advice, but this is the central problem in this entry, as the parameters clearly said that the script needed to take place in July 2013.  The reality of that restriction was to do away with scripts that covered more than a month of time.



What Phil said...great advice and a good way to completely do away with the montage. I hate montages.

And as far as the parameters...the script looked like it took place in July. I guess since the story went on past July for some six months it should be disqualified.
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KevinLenihan
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 3:35pm Report to Moderator
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Man, another parameter. That means there were at least 7 conditions for this OWC. A lot of parameters any way you look at it.
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Dreamscale
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 3:36pm Report to Moderator
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No, not disqualified, but something that peeps need to understand.

Lots of these entries missed out on the time parameter, which i personally didn't quite understand.
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Dreamscale
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 4:09pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from KevinLenihan
Man, another parameter. That means there were at least 7 conditions for this OWC. A lot of parameters any way you look at it.


Kevin, again, I'm sorry you feel this is/was such a restricted OWC.  But again, I honestly don't get what you find so restricting.

It's a short...written and conceived in a week.  Do you/we/anyone really need to write a story that covers large amounts of time?  I don't think so.  Actually, unless it's some epic feature, I never think a short should cover more than a few days, tops.

It's R rated, which means the "restriction" is that you use 1 of the 6 MPAA ratings.  PG and PG13 are very similar and as we all know that before 1984's Red Dawn, there was no such thing as PG13.  NC17 and X are pretty rare and not a very good idea to write a script in.  So, an R rating could be viewed as 1 of 3 ratings (G, PG, and R) - or, not much of a restriction.

The Pacific Northwest is a HUGE area and far from restrictive, IMO.

Every OWC has to have a theme and this one happened to be "a miraculous discovery that could affect mankind as we now know it".  Restricting?  Not to me.

Finally, having the lead character being 6-12 years old...well, let's see what we have here.  Rarely are you going to write a script with a child younger than 6 being the lead.  So, you have this age range, 13-18, 19-24 or so, 25-35, 36-50, maybe, and finally, over 50.  So, this restriction is 1 of 5 or so age groups.  Male or female, and ethnicity.

Pretty wide open to me...  
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KevinLenihan
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 4:53pm Report to Moderator
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the checklist:

1) 6 to 12 yr old child
2) no projectile weapons
3) no explosions
4) must be rated R
5) must be in Pacific Northwest
6) must involve a miraculous discovery which might alter mankind
7) no natural disasters
no vehicle stunts or crashes
9) must take place mostly outside
10) must take place(apparently completely) within July of 2013

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG checklist. Way too much work for what's supposed to be fun and which we hope will produce creative stories that make some hill of sense.

As for the July restriction, I didn't even think it restrictive when I first read it, but now that I am seeing the strict interpretation you are applying to it...yeah, it's restrictive. What if one wanted to show a flashback? What if one wanted to show a quick glimpse of the future so we could see the altering of mankind?

Bottom line is the check list for these things is getting longer and longer. I guess the temptation to do that when setting them up is hard to resist, because the one in October had a long list too.

If you're going to have a long list, it might worth allowing some latitude on scripts that come pretty damn close. That's all I'm saying. And this one seems pretty close.
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Dreamscale
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 5:10pm Report to Moderator
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I'm repeating myself, but I can't help it...I don't see this list as being remotely restrictive.

To me, a restriction that actually restricts creativity and causes the entries to have exactly the same feel is something like this...

no more than 5 characters, 1 of which must be in a wheelchair

Must be contained within a single setting of a house

must be horror

no special effects allowed

Etc........
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Eoin
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 5:24pm Report to Moderator
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just another ego maniac with low self esteem

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This was the best I've read so far. Not a whole pile to say about it really. Minor quibbles, MAMA and DADDY as character names, bee stings described as bites and a mispelling of fridge.

I love Josephine's dialouge, had a nice southern lilt to it.

This was a very imaginative effort coupled with some good research. Bee Sting Therapy is used for Multiple Sclerosis, so it was nice to see this idea pushed in a horror manner.

Some very striking images too.

All in all, very good OWC effort.
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KevinLenihan
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 5:37pm Report to Moderator
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Jeff, the issue is not with any particular restriction. It's with the number of them, which creates a long checklist, and with the way some of these restrictions when combined become very restrictive.

I actually was not around for the one you just listed above, but that seems very reasonable,whoever came up with it.

Yours would have been excellent if you stopped at this: 12 yr old kid, Pacific Northwest, a discovery that might alter mankind. Perfect! Excellent!

But as you construct story ideas along those parameters, you have to keep checking the rest of the list, and it some point it becomes too tedious...and too restrictive. Especially when you consider the R rating. That means either violence or sexual content, and yet there is a kid, and violence is limited because of the gun restriction. It just becomes a puzzle that's not worth taking time off from regular projects to try to grapple with.
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Pale Yellow
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 8:37pm Report to Moderator
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I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone for reviewing my script. It means a lot to me..this feedback. I appreciate the advice and good recommendations that will help me make this a better script.

Dena
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irish eyes
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 8:46pm Report to Moderator
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Great script Dena

One of my favs, if not my fav.

Well done

Mark


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Pale Yellow
Posted: July 22nd, 2013, 8:56pm Report to Moderator
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Markkkkk.....Thank you man....you rocked the Dreamscale...it was my number 4 favorite of all the scripts!
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nawazm11
Posted: July 23rd, 2013, 6:08am Report to Moderator
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Ah, the writer of Bee Boy is finally revealed, never would've guessed, I think I was a little harsh with my comments, apologies. One last question, how does one put images in their title page? I've seen it with a few scripts but I'm not aware of any screenwriting software that lets you.
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Pale Yellow
Posted: July 23rd, 2013, 6:17am Report to Moderator
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I do not mind 'a little harsh' Mo no probs man. Oh and I put the little bee there with MAGICK ha! Nah....just put it in after as an 'image signature' is all. You should NEVER do that as it's not professional. But I like to break the rules.

So when it's a pdf....that's when I put the bee in there.
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nawazm11
Posted: July 23rd, 2013, 6:50am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from Pale Yellow
I do not mind 'a little harsh' Mo no probs man. Oh and I put the little bee there with MAGICK ha! Nah....just put it in after as an 'image signature' is all. You should NEVER do that as it's not professional. But I like to break the rules.

So when it's a pdf....that's when I put the bee in there.


Ah, okay, thanks. Maybe if I write ever a pisstake, I'll put a funny picture in there.
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