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was extremely lazy writing. You can show time passing in more visual ways than this. You're in the forest! Use it! Show trees blooming and the leaves turning brown later on. Show the same deer drinking from a stream and have it grow in a series of shot.
Very true and good advice, but this is the central problem in this entry, as the parameters clearly said that the script needed to take place in July 2013. The reality of that restriction was to do away with scripts that covered more than a month of time.
Very true and good advice, but this is the central problem in this entry, as the parameters clearly said that the script needed to take place in July 2013. The reality of that restriction was to do away with scripts that covered more than a month of time.
What Phil said...great advice and a good way to completely do away with the montage. I hate montages.
And as far as the parameters...the script looked like it took place in July. I guess since the story went on past July for some six months it should be disqualified.
Man, another parameter. That means there were at least 7 conditions for this OWC. A lot of parameters any way you look at it.
Kevin, again, I'm sorry you feel this is/was such a restricted OWC. But again, I honestly don't get what you find so restricting.
It's a short...written and conceived in a week. Do you/we/anyone really need to write a story that covers large amounts of time? I don't think so. Actually, unless it's some epic feature, I never think a short should cover more than a few days, tops.
It's R rated, which means the "restriction" is that you use 1 of the 6 MPAA ratings. PG and PG13 are very similar and as we all know that before 1984's Red Dawn, there was no such thing as PG13. NC17 and X are pretty rare and not a very good idea to write a script in. So, an R rating could be viewed as 1 of 3 ratings (G, PG, and R) - or, not much of a restriction.
The Pacific Northwest is a HUGE area and far from restrictive, IMO.
Every OWC has to have a theme and this one happened to be "a miraculous discovery that could affect mankind as we now know it". Restricting? Not to me.
Finally, having the lead character being 6-12 years old...well, let's see what we have here. Rarely are you going to write a script with a child younger than 6 being the lead. So, you have this age range, 13-18, 19-24 or so, 25-35, 36-50, maybe, and finally, over 50. So, this restriction is 1 of 5 or so age groups. Male or female, and ethnicity.
1) 6 to 12 yr old child 2) no projectile weapons 3) no explosions 4) must be rated R 5) must be in Pacific Northwest 6) must involve a miraculous discovery which might alter mankind 7) no natural disasters no vehicle stunts or crashes 9) must take place mostly outside 10) must take place(apparently completely) within July of 2013
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG checklist. Way too much work for what's supposed to be fun and which we hope will produce creative stories that make some hill of sense.
As for the July restriction, I didn't even think it restrictive when I first read it, but now that I am seeing the strict interpretation you are applying to it...yeah, it's restrictive. What if one wanted to show a flashback? What if one wanted to show a quick glimpse of the future so we could see the altering of mankind?
Bottom line is the check list for these things is getting longer and longer. I guess the temptation to do that when setting them up is hard to resist, because the one in October had a long list too.
If you're going to have a long list, it might worth allowing some latitude on scripts that come pretty damn close. That's all I'm saying. And this one seems pretty close.
This was the best I've read so far. Not a whole pile to say about it really. Minor quibbles, MAMA and DADDY as character names, bee stings described as bites and a mispelling of fridge.
I love Josephine's dialouge, had a nice southern lilt to it.
This was a very imaginative effort coupled with some good research. Bee Sting Therapy is used for Multiple Sclerosis, so it was nice to see this idea pushed in a horror manner.
Jeff, the issue is not with any particular restriction. It's with the number of them, which creates a long checklist, and with the way some of these restrictions when combined become very restrictive.
I actually was not around for the one you just listed above, but that seems very reasonable,whoever came up with it.
Yours would have been excellent if you stopped at this: 12 yr old kid, Pacific Northwest, a discovery that might alter mankind. Perfect! Excellent!
But as you construct story ideas along those parameters, you have to keep checking the rest of the list, and it some point it becomes too tedious...and too restrictive. Especially when you consider the R rating. That means either violence or sexual content, and yet there is a kid, and violence is limited because of the gun restriction. It just becomes a puzzle that's not worth taking time off from regular projects to try to grapple with.
I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone for reviewing my script. It means a lot to me..this feedback. I appreciate the advice and good recommendations that will help me make this a better script.
Ah, the writer of Bee Boy is finally revealed, never would've guessed, I think I was a little harsh with my comments, apologies. One last question, how does one put images in their title page? I've seen it with a few scripts but I'm not aware of any screenwriting software that lets you.
I do not mind 'a little harsh' Mo no probs man. Oh and I put the little bee there with MAGICK ha! Nah....just put it in after as an 'image signature' is all. You should NEVER do that as it's not professional. But I like to break the rules.
So when it's a pdf....that's when I put the bee in there.
I do not mind 'a little harsh' Mo no probs man. Oh and I put the little bee there with MAGICK ha! Nah....just put it in after as an 'image signature' is all. You should NEVER do that as it's not professional. But I like to break the rules.
So when it's a pdf....that's when I put the bee in there.
Ah, okay, thanks. Maybe if I write ever a pisstake, I'll put a funny picture in there.