Hey Joseph,

This was a dark, moody tale you've weaved.  I think a director could do alot with the visuals here, sepecially with the boat set afire in the downpouring rain, the boots sloshing through mud, etc.

To touch on some points others have brought up:

I'm not sure if an explanation is needed for the killer's turnaround or not.  Personally I just accepted it at face value.  If this was a compulsion of his then that might make sense in that he's not just a cold, calculating killer.  His conscience would probably be nagging away at him, keeping him up at night.  All of this could be building within him.

I guess it's fair to say the girl probably wouldn't survive being buried.  That's something you might want to consider changing, moving events or the timeline around to make work.  I'm just guessing here but I'd imagine a person would only have minutes to live.  He'd probably have to be in the process of burying her when he changes his mind.

All in all I liked this one, especially for its atmosphere.  Good job.

Such glaring plot holes. Embarrassed that I missed them. The one thing about film that I like is that time can be and sometimes is a little ambiguous. I didn't really consider the time lapse between burying the girl and uncovering her. She woulda been dead with the move from day to night. A major flaw with the story, though.

I was worried that someone would catch the other hole but no one saw it. The dimming of the light. Being hooked up to a battery wouldn't provoke it to dim.

I was great to see the script for what it was, how others saw it. When I get time I'll go back and fix the problems.

Oh, and the quote at the beginning has nothing to do with the story whatsoever. Just something my dad used to saw to my brothers and I all the time.

Thanks everyone for the reads and review. This was a good thing. I'll have to do it again.

Last Chance (short thriller in pdf format) by Joseph Cahill has been filmed

When a man is released from prison after fifteen years, he must choose between his old life and moving on. Though his inner demons won't go quietly.

Last Chance - Trailer from Daniel Santana Rodríguez on Vimeo.

Last Chance had its origins as an August '07 One Week Challenge finalist as Second Chance (12 page thriller in pdf format).  

Before moving away, a serial killer must make a decision.


Discuss this script on the Discussion Board

Haven't read the script or any previous comments.

The production value is really great, congrats on getting it made but I have absolutely no idea what I just watched, so I watched it again and I still don't get it.

Congratulations on getting this produced. It's great to see 'old' scripts can be picked up and produced. There's no such thing as a expiration date on a script!

Production values looks great, it gives it a very real and gritty appearance. I too haven't read the script and like Warren I found the trailer confusing but hopefully the full film will be clear.

Best of luck with it.

-Mark

I can't believe it's been 10 years. Jesus. I'm getting old. I creep here and there and come around every so often.

Thanks for Don for putting this up. As always, he does right by us.

The script for this film was written as a sort of prequel to Second Chance, the script I wrote for the OWC...  TEN YEARS AGO.

I still can't believe that. Due to budget constraints, we chose to shoot Last Chance over Second Chance. Same characters, similar story.

The trailer is confusing, I will admit. I hope the film is less confusing to those who see it. If anyone is interested, I can send the link to the film.

-J