There were a lot of nice pieces to this.  I laughed at the "I hate boats.  And you hate water" line.  I also liked that both intended victims survive, though I alos agree that it would have been nice if Susie, her hackles already up, had fought back some.  That could even have been part of the "hunt," which I'll bet Mark would have liked.  That would've been tough given the limitations on time and length, but maybe this could have been more from her P.O.V. than Peter's.

I was also taken aback, though, by the simple "John laughs and rapes her" line.  No, I do not want a gratuitous description, but it could have been done, perhaps, off screen but getting the point across.  Or something like that.  I'm also confused as to what Mark was doing, was he taking up what John was doing?  Was he getting off on this at three years old?  Can that happen?  Why was he drowning as opposed to knifing?  Again, I think with this done from Susie's P.O.V., this could be clearer.  And that could make for a better piece, because the writing is there.  I was still gripped despite the confusion.  I look forward to more.

Thanks EBurke73,

All points taken.
I agree the rushness of the OWC and the limit of the script played a big part in a few things that I omitted.
I am rewriting, including the rape scene as well as making the background on John a little clearer.
I appreciate your feed back and thank you for reading the script.
Cheers,
Elisabeth
Sorry I took a while to thank you. I didn't realize anyone else would read the script after the winning one had been picked.