The good: it moved.  It had pace.  It had suspense.  

The bad:  Way too derivative.  This seemed like screenwriting-paint-by-numbers.  It got campy in parts too.  

He's a "massive hydrophobic"?  You don't wring this angle for anything, barely.  There could've been so much drama here that went unexplored.        

Voice: "I can be the solution to the thing that you dug up all those years ago whilst burying the problem that I can also be if you so wish me to be."  a little clunky.  i can imagine Rhodes getting a confused look on his face.  

The VOICE a bit heavy on the exposition on p. 2.  can't we SEE these details instead of hearing them told to us?  

"Now, Rhodes, is your love strong enough for this little angel? So much so that you’ll confront your biggest fear in order to save her?"  I'm starting to think this VOICE might be Robert McKee... oop, no, it's Miles.  

No hesitation to jump in the water?  His fear doesn't seem real.  Where's the hydrophobia?  Where the overcoming of his biggest fear?   If you invoke McKee-like set-ups, you've at least got to deliver on them...  

p. 7 - "Apology accepted, my friend" - from Miles.  Huh?  this is strained, awkward stuff.  

Overall, I think you did a decent job of telling the story, keeping me reading.  So keep it up. But this was ultimately hunkered down by too many foibles.    

I think this one is the best story overall.

It's strange, because I think I only have one more script to read, but this one fits that best for last saying.

There's motive in this one, whereas a lot of the others were just out of the blue and too much killing and blood spilling for the sake of itself, mistaking violence for suspense.

This one though was different and memorable.  It stands out from the pack.

You should number your pages.

Your beginning could be stronger and pared down some.

I'm not sure how he got on the boat.

"The Voice" should read "Man's Voice" thus eliminating the need to describe it as such separately.

If you read "The Voice" part out loud--especially page two (I think--that's why you need to put page numbers) where he says, "...I can be the solution to the thing that you dug up all those years ago whilst burying the problem that I can also be if you so wish me to be. It's as plain as that."

Well, I'm afraid that that's not too plain and if I was acting, I'd find that quite the mouthful.

But the problems can be fixed.  Underneath lies a good story.  And thank goodness it wasn't too violent.

I've just about had it with all the blood etc...

Someone burned a boat in one of the last scripts and I guess they weren't really supposed to, but I say good on ya mate!  Hip hip hooray!

Seriously, this was quite well done.

Sandra