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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    July/August 2007 One Week Challenge  ›  Gash & Gabe Moderators: OWC
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  Author    Gash & Gabe  (currently 4498 views)
sniper
Posted: August 20th, 2007, 7:07am Report to Moderator
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My UZI Weighs A Ton

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This one didn't do much for me. It wasn't bad at all but then again it wasn't really good. It had a certain indifferent feel to it.

The thing that ranks it low in my book is that this plot has more or less been done before, and as a reader, you have a fairly strong hunch about where the story is going.

The writing itself was good without being exellent, the dialogue was so and so IMO. Jen was a believable character but Gash and Gabe were both very stereotypical.

A couple of things seemed somewhat strange to me.

- When Marybeth sees the man in black through the peephole, she pretty much just stands there. I would expect her to call the cops and at least alert Jen.

- the first thing Jen's father does when he comes home is turn the TV. The housekeeper had just been shot and his daghter is missing. TV should be the last thing on his mind.

Anyway, my two cents.

Cheers
Rob


Down in the hole / Jesus tries to crack a smile / Beneath another shovel load
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