BIG SAL
...And that's why they're after us.
VERN
Well, and I mean no offense, but if you robbed me of that much money, I would be upset too!
Joey joins them.
JOEY
He's lucky a bullet wound is all he suffered.  Patch is known for his affinity for grenades.  If he tossed one in the motel room, we both woulda been toast.

It sounds like Big Sal and Joey stole money from Patch's crew.  At the end, Patch throws a grenade into the ship.

Are you saying that Patch is working for the guys who had their money stolen and that Joey and Sal are trying to make a deal with him?

If so, how did the original guys with the money get a band of thugs to track down Joey and Sal so quickly, as they're just running away with the cash now?  Plus, while they're running, they come across Vern, in real time, who already awaits them.  I'm kind of confused how this all works out?

They mention the motel.  This is where they were hiding.(subtext)  Patch shows up.  They were found.  Somehow they fought their way out.  Sal gets shot.

Sometime before Vern gets on that boat (logically, minutes before) he is offered money(not THAT money.  Other money) to sail them to a predetermined destination, where the ending takes place.

(Think about it.  You're an alcoholic nobody, a step above a bum.  Some guys come to you and say they will pay you a lot of money if you sail your boat to a certain spot.  You do it.)

It is never said when they stole the money.  They are a motel, this says to the reader, they are HIDING.

And Joey's words at the end are just the words of a desperate man.

Alright, I was just confused but that's probably my fault in missing something.  On what page do they mention the hotel?  I just re-read the script and can't remember where it was.  Going to go back and look again.

Alright, I found it.  I guess without your mentioning it, I wouldn't have realized that they were at a motel with the money before being found.  I'm not trying to be an a-hole or anything because I will say right off the bat that I'm no pro and I could be wrong about what I'm about to bring up, so just explain to me a few things that I don't understand:

If the thieves get to Vern beforehand, shouldn't they be right on Joey and Sal's tail?  If they are, then they wouldn't want to waste fifty grand, just to play games with their prey.

Also, and again, I'm not saying you didn't describe everything the right way, I'm just trying to figure out how we know that Patch is a henchman and not the man who originally possessed the money.

I guess we're supposed to infer that since Joey and Sal offer Patch and co. a slice of the pie, they know who are the henchmen and who actually possessed the cash.  

I didn't dislike the script or anything and I am very capable of misinterpreting proper writing.  I basically just want to make sure I understand the script.

Thanks.

Quoted from stampede331 If the thieves get to Vern beforehand, shouldn't they be right on Joey and Sal's tail?  If they are, then they wouldn't want to waste fifty grand, just to play games with their prey.

1.  Vern was never going to get fifty grand.  THEY KILLED HIM when they got there.

2.  They allowed this plan to go on for...well common sense reasons.
   A.  A firefight on the shore where they have already caused a lot of noise and probably drawn attention could be avoided.
   B.  In the ending, in the middle of the water, Sal\Joey have nowhere to run, barely any cover, and will be grenaded(grenades out at sea is easier to pull off without drawing attention than grenades on land).

It's fiction.

Alright man, well I liked it but was just kind of confused at parts.  That's all.  I figured they'd kill Vern but then again, i figured Vern was street smart as he had broken into a few places in his time.  Anyway, I'm going to sleep.  I really did like the Vern character and just felt the story was a little loose in a few parts.  But that's just me.  The script made more sense than mine so I hope you don't take this as an attack.  I wouldn't have prolonged this conversation so long if you hadn't specifically addressed my critique.  I look forward to the next competition when you will hopefully get to write something in the comedy genre since you said you liked writing that.  

Sorry I'm late with this.  Now that the names are out and I'm back from Canada, I can review scripts for those who reviewed mine.  This has a good premise.  I like the idea of two crooks seemingly being saved by an eccentric drunk.  I like eccentric drunks, they're ususally fun to read and almost as much fun to write because you can have them say almost anything.  The obsession with Schnapps is a great character bit to Vern.  I also like that everything is actually set up nicely.  The ending with the grenade is set up by taling about Patch's obsession with grenades.  Very nice.

It seems a little inconsistent though.  That Vern tells the goons the name of the boat is the Styx never pays off anywhere.  Everyone seems to say whatever is on the forefront of their mind, not just Vern, who's a drunk, and transparent as glass, but the mobsters as well.  That Big Sal looks like he's gonna cry early on is a funny bit, but he's a made man, isn't he?  And with Vern being so transparent, I mean, the minute he said he hit the lottery, if I was one of those two, I'd've shot him and took my chances with the boat, because I figure he's out for my money, much less working for the other side.  The two main characters come off as a little to dim, even for comedy.  They still have to seem somewhat three dimensional and realistic, so that we care about them in some way.