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Mem by Sandra E. Watson (sandra e.) (Constance and Nephadeum Antimony) Short, Romantic Dramedy w/ music - A young couple struggle to find the lyrics of a mysterious song that arrives magically with a couple of impish spirits. Why those symbols and tricks with the pen? Must be Mem. - pdf, format
I cannot discern the story from this script, except for they are trying to find some lyrics? Sometimes I feel things just happen all of a sudden. You need to clearly define the motivation of the characters to find the lyrics. There are many comedic moments, but where is the romance?
There are many technical problems as well. Other than the typos, you have many wrylies within the dialogue. Some sentences are overly long, making them really hard to read.
I am sorry to say, but I didn't really dig this.
FEATURE:
Memwipe - Sci-Fi, Action, Thriller (114 pages) - In a world where memories can be erased by request, a Memory Erasing Specialist desperately searches for the culprit when his wife becomes a target for erasure -- with his former colleagues hot on his trail.
tough read...ambitious...your characters should start out with a clear compelling goal and have the promise of conflict...start simple then you can take us for the ride...
Had me in total confusion at the beginning then as the story went on, I was finally onto a story line...so I thought.
Absolutely great imagination and fast moving story, except for the names; I found they slow down the flow in the beginning as I couldn't memorize them.
I am not sure what classification this would come under but, certainly not a romance or a comedy.
I'm sorry but this was extremely tough going! The bold font was a real pain and the whole thing didn't make much sense. But again, well done for competing in this challenging challenge.
I liked the title. No sure about the rest of it though. My, that font is hurting my beautiful eyes. I'm not usually one to cry WTF? But seriously, WTF? I mean, What The Fuck?
I am really confused by this. I see you have gone for something unique but it's probably a bit ambitious. I wanted to read on and see what was going on but I only made it to page 5. The character names did not help. I just really didn't get any sense of the story and couldn't follow what is supposed to be happening. I may come back to this later and try to finish it when I am able to concentrate better.
Cons – Convoluted. Font bolded and not courier. Blocks of writing. Characters names don’t roll off the tongue.
Comedy – Light. “Double gay” dialogue good.
Lyrics – Integrated “MEM” at end of script.
Writer – The writer probably doesn’t write action films. The decision to bold your font and use a non-courier contributed to the difficulty in following your story.
You have an obvious fluency with the format. And an inventive flair for language. But, it was really hard to pinpoint the story within all the weird dialogue and trippy visuals. I'm still not quite sure what I read. If I didn't have that logline to go by, I would have been really lost. Grammar and speling were good, for the most part. You did misspell tattoo throughout the script. I'm sure the story made perfect sense in your head, but something got lost when the words made it to the page, IMO.
I never took calculus. Not because I'm not bright, I just never had the need and I'm not the sort to tackle calculus just for fun. This was sort of like that; not bad, just very mentally challenging to wrap my brain around-very hard to see visually, never mind trying to understand the understory and the symbolism (the Globus Cruciger- a ball with a cross on it, like you'd see in a medieval Jesus painting). I like Mixel and Zahra (very original names), but would have liked to have known a little more about them...some of the terminology I don't get. Eli March 30 artstart. What's "artstart" mean? Antimony? as in a blue-white metalloid? What's a Scooby-Doo around? Like a double-take when Shaggy thinks he sees a ghost? How, exactly, does one "turn retarded"? I don't know if I've ever been bugabooed, or maybe I got that H-Tooner thing. Regardless, I'd suggest simplifying this so it accessable to the casual reader. The average d-girl intern would make it through about the first paragraph before her precious little brain would collapse in on itself like a galactic blackhole; just like it did in calculus.
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
I'm pretty sure the reason this script seems so out there to all of us is because it is steeped in Kabbalistic references. I don't know that much about the Kabbalah either but I did recognise a few of them - especially the title - Mem which is the thirteenth letter of the Hebrew alphabet.
I know this doesn't really help but I figured I'd mention it anyway.
Yes, I'm pretty sure I picked up on a subtle reference in this one that makes me suspect the identity of the author. And his style which can really fluctuate from script to script. Enjoyable in an odd kind of way but overall too obscure and I didn't get a real feeling of romance from this. Just an esoteric kind of thinking-man's/woman's script really. I guess also you tried to deflect suspicion by using this bloody awful font. Good try. We'll see.
It reminded me of being human and how we all struggle to find our own lyrics, our own understanding.
I thought it was well written. I loved that the word dealywig was used. The writer could've wrote "Her gorgeous face has an 'about to sneeze' look". But dealywig fit the script better and helped to set tone. Little things like that I enjoyed. "Hip Hop Hynotherapy", LawL!
It remined me of poems that I don't understand but like anyway!
My Dear, you constantly amaze with your imagination that edges closer to lunacy with every script.
Extremely interesting material for a script. Not just the bizarre characters, but the idea of using Mem.
It works in a way, although only about .00000002% of people in the world would have a clue what you're whittling on about. And I'm not one of them.
A story about people trying to find the lyrics to life that is analogous with the Thirteen Divine Attributes of Mercy? You've even got God himself appearing under one of his many disguises (Eli). The path of true wisdom from the superconscious.
I loved the idea that God would give them the melody but they have to fill in the lyrics.
I'm not sure why you want to write scripts. The media seems too restrictive for your tastes. You're constantly trying to break out of the confines of it.
Welp, Thinks i'm jus gonna talks like a simpleton in me review cuz me feels like one now.
I had no idea where this went, or any of the references. Maybe if I understood, i could have enjoyed it. This may be the most brilliant piece i've ever read, but i wouldn't know it. i tried my best....
You obviously know how to write, i think. There wasn't any errors as far as i could see. The scripts would have flowed nicely if i didn't have to go back and read everything twice...
I dunno what to say, maybe you can enlighten after the reveal?? Then I'd like to read it again.
We all know who wrote this - I can't think of any other writer with such a distinctive style.
It justs seems ridiculous to try and break this one down into categories and give it marks out of 10...it'd completely go against what the writer has done here. So I'm not going to try.
I will say this, though: your font did you no favours. Dec mentioned that you seem to be fighting against the boundaries of the medium you've CHOSEN to write in...think he's got something there. Poetry does seem to be a better place for your talents.
As everyone else has said, quite obvious who wrote this.
I had no idea what was going on throughout the first few pages and didn't have a semblance of an idea until the flashback scene. I wonder if that had appeared at the beginning of the script instead of as a flashback if that would've helped.
ZAHRA (slurring) ‘cause they can’t talk properly.
There's a funny line and there were a few more. I guess someone could call it drama but I didn't have enough of a grasp on the whole thing to do so. No real romance either, unless you count the multiple times the two main characters 'slip behind a screen if you know what I mean.' You did a good job incorporating the song though and having the actions in the script revolve around it.
Honestly, there's so much potential and ambition here that I really think this story would be better off as a novel.
Sandra, I absolutely love you. I will read this one tomorrow after I've had a beer or two. The beer helps me understand you better. I still remember your entry for the boat OWC,. I liked it! Now that should mean something shouldn't it? It was a long time ago.
Right off the bat, I am confused. A bartender, not in a bar. I know you had the slug, but since I am of a lower intelligence (http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1252375351/) you must cater. And on his head is not the same as in a headstand. I know what a headstand is, so say that first. Like I said, I’m of lower intelligence (see link).
You said PERKS…(see link).
With the intercut, I’m not following. If you use names instead of personal pronouns, I’d follow better.
And there it is…What if God was one of us.
Okay, wtf are you smoking? What ever it is, I don’t want any.
Oh wow, and I really like your last line. The very last one.
So I’m in some kind of Alice in Wonderland on shrooms.
I can’t say I followed much, but I did get the strong sense that Mixel and Zahra were on the same page. They were linked together unlike the vast majority of men and women who are not, and that is a tragic shame. That is what stood out most to me.
I think I need 3-d glasses and a few drinks to watch this. Few drinks since that’s all I’ll do anymore. That’s because (the more altering drugs) made a creature a lower intelligence (see link).
The prose is jubilant, but mainly serves to lose me in the story, even if it keeps the tone way upbeat, you know, way upbeat, like staying high...wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more, say more.
Right off the bat, I am confused. A bartender, not in a bar. I know you had the slug, but since I am of a lower intelligence (http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?m-1252375351/) you must cater. And on his head is not the same as in a headstand. I know what a headstand is, so say that first. Like I said, I’m of lower intelligence (see link).
You said PERKS…(see link).
With the intercut, I’m not following. If you use names instead of personal pronouns, I’d follow better.
And there it is…What if God was one of us.
Okay, wtf are you smoking? What ever it is, I don’t want any.
Oh wow, and I really like your last line. The very last one.
So I’m in some kind of Alice in Wonderland on shrooms.
I can’t say I followed much, but I did get the strong sense that Mixel and Zahra were on the same page. They were linked together unlike the vast majority of men and women who are not, and that is a tragic shame. That is what stood out most to me.
I think I need 3-d glasses and a few drinks to watch this. Few drinks since that’s all I’ll do anymore. That’s because (the more altering drugs) made a creature a lower intelligence (see link).
The prose is jubilant, but mainly serves to lose me in the story, even if it keeps the tone way upbeat, you know, way upbeat, like staying high...wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more, say more.
Thank you Clorox,
You know, I really appreciate your time. I've been watching your comments and though they might sometimes be curt, I feel I resonate with them.
Your first comment, regarding my choice of "On His Head", really it's something that I thought long and hard on.
You know, I felt that too. That I MAYBE, I should just write headstand. But for some reason, I was compelled to choose "On his head". It felt right to me, because this is meant to be an esoteric piece, and the idea of "flipping" and "opposites" is thick throughout.
I will attend to the criticisms you have blessed me with and try and apply them into future works.
I read this twice to get a better feel for it. Like the others, I was confused at first.
After the second read: I think you have a great story here, and it played out really funny. I adored the characters, too.
A few things stood out: bisexual= two times gay, the hand signals, WIGWOOU, I can't have sex when I feel so screwed . Funny stuff.
Actually, the more I think about this one, the more I love it.
What I disliked, and why I think others had a hard time reading this:
The bold font made it hard to read. Scripts aren't supposed to be in that font or bold. Things like: koo-koo-ca-choo! Is someone saying that? If so, it should be set up in dialogue with the person O.S.
You start a scene with: Arm-in-arm they go. IF you meant Zahra and Mixel, it should be Zahra and Mixel stroll arm-in-arm.
Tatoo should be Tattoo
The song Mem is it meant to be sung? If so, by who? As it is now it is just the words on the screen.
I think it might be better if it is sung.
Sandra, I love this one, but it needs some work.
Cindy
Award winning screenwriter Available screenplays TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
I read this twice to get a better feel for it. Like the others, I was confused at first.
After the second read: I think you have a great story here, and it played out really funny. I adored the characters, too.
A few things stood out: bisexual= two times gay, the hand signals, WIGWOOU, I can't have sex when I feel so screwed . Funny stuff.
Actually, the more I think about this one, the more I love it.
What I disliked, and why I think others had a hard time reading this:
The bold font made it hard to read. Scripts aren't supposed to be in that font or bold. Things like: koo-koo-ca-choo! Is someone saying that? If so, it should be set up in dialogue with the person O.S.
You start a scene with: Arm-in-arm they go. IF you meant Zahra and Mixel, it should be Zahra and Mixel stroll arm-in-arm.
Tatoo should be Tattoo
The song Mem is it meant to be sung? If so, by who? As it is now it is just the words on the screen.
I think it might be better if it is sung.
Sandra, I love this one, but it needs some work.
Cindy
Thank you so much, Cindy!
I don't know why this is showing up as bold font. It's not bold for me on my screen and not when I print out a hard copy. I had worked it in Final Draft with Courier font and then I saved it to PDF.
Somehow, I will need to get the source of this problem. I think a dude named Omni is singing Mem. But you never can be too sure. (Shaking head.) You just never can really tell for sure.
I have to say I think the undercurrent here is deep romance, not the new stuff felt by new couples, one borne of a deeper relationship. It moves with strength of an ocean's undercurrent, not the top, whipped about by gales.
The last line sealed that line of thinking for me, although I had to figure out the little puzzle get there.
I have to say I think the undercurrent here is deep romance, not the new stuff felt by new couples, one borne of a deeper relationship. It moves with strength of an ocean's undercurrent, not the top, whipped about by gales.
The last line sealed that line of thinking for me, although I had to figure out the little puzzle get there.
Thanks Clorox, it is Love and Sex at its most deepest levels, and I won't be able to explain everything in this one post, but I will explain some. And even "the some" will be rather lengthy.
THE WRITING OF MEM
The word, Antimony came into my head from nowhere. And so I needed to do some research and this is what I found.
Regarded energetically, Antimony is alchemically considered the “remedy for grounding” par excellence. Thus it is capable of re-integrating body, spirit and soul into the rhythmic cycles on earth. The traditional alchemic symbol for antimony, the “imperial orb” with the cross above the globe, depicts the universal integrating effect.
“The Philosopher‘s Magnet“ - Alchemic Transmutation of Antimony
By alchemical transformation, i. e. transmutation of the element antimony, a significant remedy emerges – In today’s opinion this process seems impossible but has now been comprehended at the University of Munich. No one believed it, but the alchemists were right!
**Side note: Gold without the "L" is God. There is a transmutation that occurs when working with "The Word"-- as we all, as writers, most certainly do and will learn...
So antimony seems to be associated with healing. Its alchemical symbol is the globus cruciger.
This was used in old times as a symbol for Christianity.
*Note, it also is like the symbol for Venus.
If you look at it, you will notice the implications within it: It bears the world, (Olam) underneath the Son of God, (sun) .
For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. (Isa 9:6) If you look at the symbol, you will see that the cross sits above the kingdom of this world.
Where Jesus said:
My kingdom is not of this world: if my kingdom were of this world, then would my servants fight, that I should not be delivered to the Jews: but now is my kingdom not from hence.
You will notice that the cross is placed above the sphere or circle.
There are many hidden attributions in the gematria, (geometry) of life... and this is why many of us, (M) ight be experiencing very strong virtual connections with individuals from afar, that we may indeed come to (M)eet.
*I chose to take Constance and Nephadeum as names for the authors since they too, just came out of the blue and I realized that Constance bears significance with a constant state of Kavanah and Nephadeum I realized had come from Nephesh, meaning life and soul.
Zahra comes from the name of a very dear friend of mine with the same name. I really love her very much. She is a beautiful soul.
Mixel's name came as through a mix and variety, thus our lives are made. This includes the negative and positive charges and what we experience as good and evil.
The omniscient voice is Omni. He's a REALLY cool DUDE and not only that, HE'S GOD, one of many Forms Therein.
Music begins with M and all that aMuses us. and M is most certainly within the Amen.
El (from the character of Eli) comes in many forms, male and female and there are many names for God. Like I said, he's a REALLY cool DUDE!!! God as Creator, created the world and us in a perfect symmetrical way. Eli speaks about it in his dialogue.
The references to gay are also meant to show that God has created one even as the other and there is nothing in this existence that doesn't belong. What He has created in nature, gay or otherwise and all, this is His Divine Will and no one should ever think they can understand with the intellect what is beyond it.
Man was made in the image of God, and thus, He has a jolly good sense of humor as with
The WIGWOOU
And funny sounding or not, it is a very powerful acronym.
Indeed, if this is true. All for one and one for all, then it means we must be very humble and lower ourselves toward the other one, even as we stand, exalted. A true paradox.
I can't explain The Call in the script except to say that it is a very strong burdening of the heart of what a person came here to do. It's all inclusive. It's value is 0 and absolute.
There are two forces of masculine and feminine energies that exist in reality. These two have been designed and there will be a Divine Coupling that surpasses all understanding.
From it comes the Trinity and the Three in One. This is also the beautiful nature of the family. Note that in family is "ami", my friend. Mon ami. Mem and Omni and Nun and that might be interpreted as 1+40+30=71
Here you have the correlation with: ...for Joseph was in Egypt already. Genesis KJV 1:5 70 + 1 (Joseph) = 71 (formula 9)
And the children of Israel were fruitful, and increased abundantly, and multiplied, and waxed exceeding mighty; and the land was filled with them. Genesis KJV 1:7 Israel + 71 = 612 (formula 11: kabbalah) 71 ^LORD == 600000 (formula 13: key of Moses)
I have put both Halloween and Christmas together in the package. You have to know why.
Ani have derived much learning from the exercise of this challenge. I have studied Kabbalah for awhile, but I've been going through many changes and having to make some choices that perhaps aren't "quite" choices at all. This is a M ystery.
More (O)n Mem
M (40): M (40) - (symbolic) One thousand (Roman); Em (45) - Type-size measurement (Printing); Em- (45) - Put into or onto, Go into or onto, Cover or provide with, Cause to be, Thoroughly; 'EM (45?) - Them.
Sound: Em (45).
Remember E = MC 2
As far as Omni:
O (60): O (60) - (symbolic) Zero, Oxygen; O (60) - Interjection (O Pan!), Surprise; O' (60?) - Of, Generated from, Son of (Irish); Oh (6 - Surprise, Fear, Anger, Pain, Address, Gestalt, Understanding,
Mem is associated with the elemental properties of water, fluid, unrestrictive. Related Scripture
Whoever believes in me, as it is written in the scripture, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water. John 7:38
The letter Mem is the 13th letter of the alphabet, having the numeric value of 40. The pictograph for Mem looks like a wave of water, whereas the classical Hebrew script )Ketav Ahurit) is constructed of a Kaf with a Vav beside it.
The vav(6) the Kaf (20) =26 Here within it is the number for the Divine Name. Mem is the second of the double letters in Hebrew, having both a medial form (pesucha) and an ending form (stumah)
Mem (mayim), symbolizing the "spring" of the Torah. Just as the waters of an underground spring rise upward from an unknown source to reveal themselves, so does the spring wisdom rise up from the mysterious Source that is God. This flowing stream of inner wisdom can be expressed through the gift of a man's speech.
The words a man speaks are deep waters, A flowing stream, a fountain of wisdom. And this:
The letter Mem is the 13th letter of the alphabet, having the numeric value of 40. The pictograph for Mem looks like a wave of water, whereas the classical Hebrew script )Ketav Ahurit) is constructed of a Kaf with a Vav beside it. It has an open form, kind of like a watery wavy rounded cube with an opening at the bottom. And it has a closed form where the opening is sealed.
This open and closed form relates to the womb-- the giving of birth when it opens and also the process of concealment, (closed) and revelation (open).
We now live in a time of Revelation.
The construction of Mem is such that it includes:
The vav(6) the Kaf (20) =26 Here within it is the number for the Divine Name. What I mean by construction, is like the way of puzzle pieces and a series of joining of parts.
The best way to understand is to see and study the pictures of the letters and learn to draw them.
Mem is the second of the double letters in Hebrew, having both a medial form (pesucha) and an ending form (stumah)
Mem is a (M)other letter. This is a designation in Hebrew.
Mem (mayim), symbolizing the "spring" of the Torah. Just as the waters of an underground spring rise upward from an unknown source to reveal themselves, so does the spring wisdom rise up from the mysterious Source that is God. This flowing stream of inner wisdom can be expressed through the gift of a man's speech.
The words a man speaks are deep waters, A flowing stream, a fountain of wisdom.
This, is very iMportant for the fact that this site has been set up and the words that come from many pages will eventually reach the world in the form of Moving images and within the minds and hearts of Man, will arise a great desire and they will awake from their stupor and truly engage with the Creator and experience complete pleasure and abundance.
This is the Great Work
This is the Thought of Creation since what we recollect as the Big Bang.
Within the words of the lyrics of "Mem":
Is the significance of putting in effort. Even though Jesus died for the initial shattering of the One Soul, it doesn't mean we are just to stand at the shore waiting, saying stupidly, "God will Save me." Yes, He Will. And from every misery, but there are discernments you must make. And as Pia's favorite saying goes,
Don't wait for your ship to come in. SWIM OUT TO SEA AND GO GET IT.
Swim! Swim in the DEEP WATERS OF MEM.
And M ore… LOL Mem and Ohr (light)
Zahra and Mixel go into a "CHANGING ROOM" where they become real and thinking people, not just "worked on" by the Creator.
They become eternal. Death is extinguished. They experience Sex (6) at its greatest and most perfect level. And the Great Trinity is realized. To no end.
And on that note, I will end here only to add some M ore on the writing of Mem tomorrow.
There exists a Great and Divine Mathematician. And it's all very beautiful, indeed.
I have just learned that my post was the 32nd and 33rd.
On this note:
pr.n. "Strong".
YodKafBet --- trickling; dripping; weeping.
LamedBet --- nothing; not; that not; lest; not yet. --- Lord, Bel, Belus, Baal. --- heart; purpose resolve.
HayKafZain --- to be clear, pure, faultless; to gain or win (in a law-suit); to cleanse, make pure.
ZainYodZainChet --- arrow, lighting. (All thirty-two paths of the tree of light, created by the Lignting).
HayYodBetVauTet --- pr.n. "Yah is Good".
ZainChetAlephVauYod --- pr.n. "Yah Keeps" --- a chronicler to King Josiah.
HayYodZainYod --- pr.n. "Yah assembles".
DaletYodChetYod --- one alone, an onely one; an only son; only daughter; lonely, desolate; forlorn, wretched.
DaletVauBetKaf --- weight; abundance; riches; glory, honour; majesty or glory. (This is the Divine Glory, used in a traditional Hebrew night prayer which formed the basis for the middle part of the Lesser Pentagram Ritual of the Order of the Golden Dawn).
VauVauKaf --- to hollow out, to pierce.
DaletChetKaf --- to conceal, hide.
BetLamed --- the heart; the life, soul; feelings, affections, emotions; thinking, moral sentiments; volition, determination; knowledge, understanding; middle or midst.
This felt more like a stream of conscience piece then an actual structured screenplay. As many others have stated it was a confusing read to say the least but I still enjoyed it for its randomness, surrealism and downright absurdity.
With the convoluted poetry-like prose aside, the dialogue itself was tight, readable and quite witty in places.
The font I think one can get over. I mean, saying that is a distraction to the enjoyment of the actual read itself is a bit lame in my books. Ok, the font is different, so what? It’s not often you see it and since the author has chosen it and it is after all for the OWC, I suggest you get over it and judge the read on its literary merits rather than something so trivial as the absence of industry standard font type.
Other than that, the content was a tad jumbled and incoherent and times but I still got something from it. It feels like a Shakespeare piece where you need a companion book on hand with a glossary of terms just to keep you clued in. I applaud the "uniqueness" of it all the same.
Oh, and I really liked the poem (that how it read for me anyway) at the end, gorgeous.
This felt more like a stream of conscience piece then an actual structured screenplay. As many others have stated it was a confusing read to say the least but I still enjoyed it for its randomness, surrealism and downright absurdity.
With the convoluted poetry-like prose aside, the dialogue itself was tight, readable and quite witty in places.
The font I think one can get over. I mean, saying that is a distraction to the enjoyment of the actual read itself is a bit lame in my books. Ok, the font is different, so what? It’s not often you see it and since the author has chosen it and it is after all for the OWC, I suggest you get over it and judge the read on its literary merits rather than something so trivial as the absence of industry standard font type.
Other than that, the content was a tad jumbled and incoherent and times but I still got something from it. It feels like a Shakespeare piece where you need a companion book on hand with a glossary of terms just to keep you clued in. I applaud the "uniqueness" of it all the same.
Oh, and I really liked the poem (that how it read for me anyway) at the end, gorgeous.
Col.
Thank you very much for the read, Col.
As I had stated, I actually hadn't intended to use bold font, but that's the way it came out on some others' computers. On mine and in hard copy, it's just regular Courier.
As I've said before, the writing of Mem was very significant for me. A very engaged dialogue with Omni.
There is much that a person can find under the sun, if one cares to take the time and look.
With your lengthy explanation of life as we know it, I decided to one line read and see what else propped up for me.
With Nephadeum's line being OS, that indicates to me that Nephadeum is just off camera, not a spirit.
If Spirit, then VO works better. I mentioned the intercut before, but I'd like to see what I'm intercutting, because there is so much here. I spend moments with the spirits making love, then with Zahra, then I get back to Mixel. An intercut puts Mixel in right away, but there is the love shot, then Zahra. I'd intercut at Zahra's Living Room/Mixel.
How do I squeeze into Mixel getting a remote view. The fact that it happens works okay, and I free associate the view with a cell phone camera, but I don't kown that there is one.
Mixel wants some loving, that's for sure. Twice now in 3 pages he's got drool going on.
So how far do we intercut? The point where Zahra hears Mixel through the receiver? Black bathrobe. Something she's been wearing all along?
I feel screwed without sex. That's a good line.
The wryly (I wish), (to himself) I wish. (outloud) Zahra...
OMNISCIENT VOICE: AND THAT TOO! We're saturated in it, aren't we?
Eli shakes their hands. There is a connection so close that you know who "their" are, but there is the briefest of pauses there.
The globus cruciger (Latin, "cross-bearing orb") is an Orb (lat. globus) topped (lat. gerere = to wear) with a cross (lat. crux), a Christian symbol of authority used throughout the Middle Ages and even today on coins, iconography and royal regalia. It symbolises Christ's (the cross) dominion over the world (the orb), literally held in the dominion of an earthly ruler (or sometimes celestial being such as an angel). When held by Christ himself, the subject is known in the iconography of Western art as Salvator Mundi ("Saviour of the World"). It is associated with the sceptre.
I had to look up globus cruciger. (man with walker) Wikipedia is my freind.
The prose is what it is, and that is what "as you wish" is. So as fanciful as this is, and as interesting to read, this IS...and enjoyable for you to write...REWIND...now there is where certain criticisms end. Futher under the microscope, all crititcisms end there. So what is left to say?
But then you go back with conversation continues at a whisper. That is good direction. Not fanciful at all. Maybe you'd been drinking when you wrote this, in and out of fanciful, but at a flow that you dare not retrace.
As a matter of fact, the whole Eli scene reads more script than what precedes.
Then as soon as we hit that back room, we're bonging again.
Arm and arm they go...like Dorothy and her gang on the yellow-brick road, and we're back to script.
Hypnosis, let's try hypnosis. It's right here that I realize they are trying to get the lyrics. Lyrics first, sex second.
Slip behind the screen if you know what I mean. Now it's sex first, lyrics second, or better yet, in unison. They've found both.
So in a nutshell, it was fun for you to write. Their is certainly a reason far beyond the OWC to parlay this as you have. You must have been bubbling over with energy to get this out of you.
I don't shy away from the undercurrent I mentioned before, but I'll add that it's from you, not them.
With your lengthy explanation of life as we know it, I decided to one line read and see what else propped up for me.
With Nephadeum's line being OS, that indicates to me that Nephadeum is just off camera, not a spirit.
If Spirit, then VO works better. I mentioned the intercut before, but I'd like to see what I'm intercutting, because there is so much here. I spend moments with the spirits making love, then with Zahra, then I get back to Mixel. An intercut puts Mixel in right away, but there is the love shot, then Zahra. I'd intercut at Zahra's Living Room/Mixel.
How do I squeeze into Mixel getting a remote view. The fact that it happens works okay, and I free associate the view with a cell phone camera, but I don't kown that there is one.
Mixel wants some loving, that's for sure. Twice now in 3 pages he's got drool going on.
So how far do we intercut? The point where Zahra hears Mixel through the receiver? Black bathrobe. Something she's been wearing all along?
I feel screwed without sex. That's a good line.
The wryly (I wish), (to himself) I wish. (outloud) Zahra...
OMNISCIENT VOICE: AND THAT TOO! We're saturated in it, aren't we?
Eli shakes their hands. There is a connection so close that you know who "their" are, but there is the briefest of pauses there.
The globus cruciger (Latin, "cross-bearing orb") is an Orb (lat. globus) topped (lat. gerere = to wear) with a cross (lat. crux), a Christian symbol of authority used throughout the Middle Ages and even today on coins, iconography and royal regalia. It symbolises Christ's (the cross) dominion over the world (the orb), literally held in the dominion of an earthly ruler (or sometimes celestial being such as an angel). When held by Christ himself, the subject is known in the iconography of Western art as Salvator Mundi ("Saviour of the World"). It is associated with the sceptre.
I had to look up globus cruciger. (man with walker) Wikipedia is my freind.
The prose is what it is, and that is what "as you wish" is. So as fanciful as this is, and as interesting to read, this IS...and enjoyable for you to write...REWIND...now there is where certain criticisms end. Futher under the microscope, all crititcisms end there. So what is left to say?
But then you go back with conversation continues at a whisper. That is good direction. Not fanciful at all. Maybe you'd been drinking when you wrote this, in and out of fanciful, but at a flow that you dare not retrace.
As a matter of fact, the whole Eli scene reads more script than what precedes.
Then as soon as we hit that back room, we're bonging again.
Arm and arm they go...like Dorothy and her gang on the yellow-brick road, and we're back to script.
Hypnosis, let's try hypnosis. It's right here that I realize they are trying to get the lyrics. Lyrics first, sex second.
Slip behind the screen if you know what I mean. Now it's sex first, lyrics second, or better yet, in unison. They've found both.
So in a nutshell, it was fun for you to write. Their is certainly a reason far beyond the OWC to parlay this as you have. You must have been bubbling over with energy to get this out of you.
I don't shy away from the undercurrent I mentioned before, but I'll add that it's from you, not them.
Thank you Clorox,
It's interesting because without the lyrics, they were screwed because Constance was terribly troubled by some kind of attacks of hypochondria that I hadn't maybe made clear as to "why" she was getting them.
The correlation was that she was being pressured by Omniscient, (Omni) to make an effort to find the lyrics to the mysterious song. Both Zahra and Mixel needed to find
The Force that was creating havoc in their lives.
Priest May The Force Be With You
Congregation And also with you.
OK, I lied, that wasn't in there, but what the Hell, I can go back and rewrite the damn thing!
The reason their world was turned upside down is that SOMETHING was missing.
You know what it feels like when you can't find your wallet, or your purse or any clean underwear? It's a cruel world when that happens. Things go all awry and you go searching or shopping or SOMETHING until you get what you need. Especially the underwear.
The fact that they are assisted by Constance and Nephadeum on a bit of the sly and in a mischievous way, also added to my delight with them.
They kind of remind me of the archetypal tricksters. But they're very likable sorts.
They were trying to "teach" both Mixel and Zahra how to REALLY DO IT RIGHT!
There's an art to good sexual energy and many different layers to it.
In the end, they find help through the transformational process supplied by the spirits and they are able to have the initial prayer of "andbringbacksextoamen" answered.
The lyrics are loaded lyrics. I think I better save that for another day.
Yes, Clorox,
I was bubbling over with intensity and passion as I crafted this one.
It truly has been a great joy.
Thank you so much for supplying me with work to go back to it and craft some M ore.
This felt more like a stream of conscience piece then an actual structured screenplay. As many others have stated it was a confusing read to say the least but I still enjoyed it for its randomness, surrealism and downright absurdity.
With the convoluted poetry-like prose aside, the dialogue itself was tight, readable and quite witty in places.
Oh, and I really liked the poem (that how it read for me anyway) at the end, gorgeous.
Col.
I want to thank you again for your perceptions on this. I love the term you used:
Absurd
This captures, my feelings that exist very strongly sometimes and I didn't even know it! So YOU, have just taught me something.
This feeling, of "Absurd". Thank you for that.
I really feel drawn to make connections in general between things, in particular, I'm studying language and will be taking a cruise this year and am going to try and make it into Israel.
I have many friends around the world and they speak different languages. These connections, that seem purely a construct of translation, I believe, have deeper roots.
I just love your word: Absurd. That's the way it truly seems. It's so beautiful.
Thanks!
You are correct, I think I work more on stream of consciousness writing and so I will lean heavily on the writers here that are formed largely on logic.
I just feel like I need to lean on them because I can't do this myself.
In all honesty, I apologize if I'm confusing. I try and verbally ask questions that will help clarify things. This, I think is part of the work. Like Lama? And WTF?
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