Very nice little script. Got a lot in there in just two pages and had a nice reversal at the end.

Interesting that so many people seem to think you've made a mistake by leaving out the V.O. It's clear enough that he's talking out loud. He even winks at the camera at one point.

It's a bit obvious that you've just bunged the song up front to get it over with, but it's still a good effort I think.

Quoted from michel I don't know why but I made me think of David Bowie's song "Life On Mars".

Holy sh*t! I meant "Rock'nRoll Suicide"...

Luckily it was only 2 pages with the formatting on this one! Next time see if you can convert your script to a PDF file so that we can read it as a normal script, and not have the words running down the page.

Ok this was funny, I laughed out loud when I read the punchline. But that's pretty much all it was, a set-up and a punchline. No real story or anything here so there's not much to say. Funny, but barely meets the requirements of the challenge.

Cheers,
Tim.

2 minutes well spent. Feel the pain of John, as the young girls all call me "sir" now.
The ending was awesome in response to the depressing, dark set up- nice to see this ol' man still has a spark of life.

Quoted from michel I don't know why but I made me think of David Bowie's song "Life On Mars".

I know you corrected yourself, but that was funny michel.  

Guess it could have been life on Mars if he had requested a male hooker.  

On to the script. Yeah it was funny. I liked it. It didn't fit the challenge though.

One point though. For the lyrics you have LYRICS like it's someone singing.
Is it male, female?

Cindy

I giggled at the last scene...so that covers a bit of comedy.
Yes,  you managed to use the Lyrics...so that covers the theme
and yes, there was a romantic suggestion...a love that has gone but is not forgotten.

As short as this story is, it stimulated my senses and made me think about the aging process we all dread,  for that short period of time.

As we age we are left with fading memories and become an outcast of society just because we simply do not fit in anymore but, that little twist at the end was cute and clever.

Where there's a will, there's a way, lol.

I liked it

Decent gag, but's that's about all there is to it.  No drama or story at all.  Just a weak joke with an okay punch line.  Hard to comment on this one, given the total lack of plot, but it seemed more like a twisted commercial for AARP than an actual screenplay.  I think the story could have much better if the writer had given it any time.  As someone said, there had to be a two pager in this OWC.  But the one back in April with the jizzed on sandwiches was a lot funnier than this.  

Thanks for all the comments.

I expected a certain amount of abuse for the two page effort. 2 pagers are always looked down on a bit by some. I think a story like this doesn;t really need any more time spent on it. No-one wants to watch a lonely old man doing lonely old things for any length of time. Not normal people anyway.

I just wanted to partake in the competition and figured I'd write something that had a shot at getting out there as a film in one capacity or another.

A 12 minute Romantic Comedy is a bit of a hard sell IMHO. To distibutors, festivals and audiences.

I'm sure that I would get offers for this fairly quickly if I posted it onto the short forum and elsewhere. There are a lot of competitions that require films below 2.5 minutes. Virgin Media Shorts comes to mind and I reckon if I got a recognisable face as the lead, it would have a good shot in that competiton.

Depict is another one that I think it would run well in as well. I think I'll probably end up making it. Only take a couple of hours to shoot.

Anyway, thanks again.

Oh and sorry about the RTF.

My Final Draft did the old "Invalid Printer Name" thing and wouldn't save to PDF.

Dec,

Self praise is no praise!

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Very nice little script. Got a lot in there in just two pages and had a nice reversal at the end. Interesting that so many people seem to think you've made a mistake by leaving out the V.O. It's clear enough that he's talking out loud. He even winks at the camera at one point. It's a bit obvious that you've just bunged the song up front to get it over with, but it's still a good effort I think.

Tidy little short here.

The fact it deals with a prostitute when we are convinced it is going to wade in deep water was a nice comedic touch. Also, it reminds me of a guy I know, so it gave the joke a little oomph.

Not much to say, other than you put together a cheeky little alternative script.

Andrew