SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 5:18am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    August 2009 One Week Challenge  ›  OWC - Swan Song - * Moderators: Administrator
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    OWC - Swan Song - *  (currently 3633 views)
jwent6688
Posted: September 5th, 2009, 2:20pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer


Wherever I go, there Jwent.

Posts
1858
Posts Per Day
0.33
Felt like it was missing an act. Was no ending IMO. We just fadeout to him singing neve knowing if she's gonna break her engagement for him or whether there is an agent from a record label ready to sign him after the performance... Something more needed to happen.

It was romantic and had drama. Nil comedy, though.

Lyrics were okay... Seemed to fit the story...

Was just okay to me, missing an resolution of any kind is a biggy though...


james


Logged
Private Message Reply: 15 - 18
CindyLKeller
Posted: September 5th, 2009, 7:00pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Posts
1467
Posts Per Day
0.20
This was sad. It needs some comedy.
I almost cried, darn it...
As you get older... Excuse me... As I get older, the romance has just dissapeared...

Anyway, back to your script.

The romance, and song were there. Not sure what you could do to add in the comedy, but if you find a way, let me know and I'll re-read it.
Cindy


Award winning screenwriter
Available screenplays
TINA DARLING - 114 page Comedy
ONLY OSCAR KNOWS - 99 page Horror
A SONG IN MY HEART - 94 page Drama
HALLOWEEN GAMES - 105 page Drama
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 16 - 18
Blakkwolfe
Posted: September 7th, 2009, 7:48am Report to Moderator
Been Around



Location
Florida, USA
Posts
706
Posts Per Day
0.12
Oh my...Turning 35. Time to get out the walker and the cane and get ready for the grave. This was a very good example of breaking up long chunks of dialogue with little actions.

He looks down and plays with the cardboard coasters that are neatly stacked.
His brows knit as he’s releasing some bitter sentiments.

Jen thinks hard on this, choosing her words wisely. How can this thought be demonstrated visually? What do people do when they are thinking hard and choosing thier words wisely? She may sigh deeply, sit silent for a few long minutes, then speak slowly and precisely.

I still liked it though. If you'd like to research this idea further, suggest looking into the story of Puddle of Mudd, as Wes Scantlin was in a similiar position in his career.


Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently - Dove Chocolate Wrapper
Logged Offline
Site Private Message Reply: 17 - 18
lalaindahouse
Posted: December 22nd, 2009, 12:37pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
36
Posts Per Day
0.01
Hi all!  

yes, it was MOI!!  Let me start off by saying, thank you for reading and for your comments (good AND bad)!  I decided to write at the very LAST MINUTE and yes, it was rushed -- so, sorry for that.  

some criticisms were very hard to take, esp. one wondering if english is my first language (ouch!).  sadly yes, and i don't have an excuse for my poor grammar and i never realized that "rolling stone" didn't have an S at the end (like the band).  

looking back, i do agree that the asides were a bit much.  i guess i was trying to create a somewhat somber or reflective mood.

i didn't know how to lighten up the piece.  many found it depressing because it IS.  As someone who tried to pursue a singing (classical) career, it's heartbreaking when it doesn't turn out that way.  all the time, money and heartache...it's devastating.

and to comment on blakkwolfe's comment of 35 not being that old -- it may not be over the hill, but it's an age that you start wondering if your life's going anywhere...

oh and YES, the lyrics were crap.  i'm not a songwriter (a big surprise).  i knew that when i was posting this up.  

sooo glad to get that off my chest, even if it is three-four months later....  
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 18 - 18
 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    August 2009 One Week Challenge  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Thread Rating

There have been 4 votes for this thread.
 
Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006