The writer of this definitely has English as their second (or eighth) language. It felt like the writer was one of those Indian telemarketers ("Hello sirs, my name is Sanjeev. Please be to me saving you moneys on telephones bills"). There are too many mistakes and typos to list and things that just plain didn't make sense. But if your English is not so good then it is to be expected, good on you for having a go anyway.

One thing I'll point out is with your slugs. Every scene description you include the word 'local'. So we have local park, local bank, local beach etc. I get it. We are somewhere local. You don't need to provide this much description, by definition they are somewhere local.

I was going to say that there was no comedy, but I laughed so that's not true. Unfortunately I was only laughing at the horrible dialogue. I don't want to be harsh but it is some of the worst dialogue I have ever read. Nobody talks like that. It's hard to pick out examples because it occurs in practically every line. I mean the part where she tries to kill herself and he mentions getting washed up on a deserted island? Does that seem realistic to you? Does it seem realistic that a man would propose to a woman that he has known for five minutes? Where does the idea of proposing in front of the Hollywood sign come from? It is just so far out of left field, it's like WTF?!

And a guy decides not to kill himself becasue of some words on a burger wrapper? Really? Like the guy is so depressed and has tried every option and the only thing left to do is kill himself. Then he sees a piece of trash with some words on it and is like "Holy shit what was I thinking, this piece of trash has just given me the inspiration I need to keep on living!" It is too far outside of reality to take it seriously. We also didn't see Sam as suicidal, there was no indication he had considered taking his own life before he told her.

The part where the two girls are in the bookshop and Madison asks about any jobs. Sidnee says there is a janitorial job for $15 a week. WTF? What country are we in? Any business advertising that is just asking to get done for slave labour.

Anyway look well done on completing the challenge, especially if this is your first attempt at a screenplay. This one needs some serious work but I'm sure your next effort will be better.

Cheers,
Tim.

It's a cute story. I especially liked the twist that they saved each other's lives. But there were a number of problems. It's not clear why Madison is writing a poem on a burger wrapper. We need more description of her mental state at the time. When Sam picks up the poem it's not clear that he is planning to kill himself and the poem makes him change his mind. To be honest, I don't think that poem would stop me committing suicide. It needs more work, and it needs to be longer to fit the music. And Sam needs a reason to be on the rocks when Madison wades into the water. As for the extra line about the whales, that has nothing to do with anything. The romance at the end was a bit rushed, and the comedy was rather forced.

The English needs work -- it's obviously not the writer's first language. But I think the germ of a good story is there. My suggestion would be to make it all happen in just one day, and have Madison and Sam first meet in the bookstore, maybe pretending everything's fine meantime each is suicidal. If you could motivate their actions better, and flesh out the descriptions, this could be one of the better entries.

It reminds me a bit of that film Serindipity with John Cusack, where he finds the book etc.

I liked the bit where he finds the burger rapper, but thought that his meeting her on the beach was very unlikely. Maybe if she wrote her initials or surname on the rapper and he tried to track her down, it might be plausable. Over all I enjoyed the read though.