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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2014 One Week Challenge  ›  Halloween Baby! - OWC
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  Author    Halloween Baby! - OWC  (currently 8947 views)
Don
Posted: October 24th, 2014, 11:05pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Halloween Baby! by The Other Purple One - Short, Horror - A hip scientist invents a way to summon his dream girl from hell, but is she everything he's dreamed of? (PG) - pdf, format


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LC
Posted: October 24th, 2014, 11:59pm Report to Moderator
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SPOILERS FOLLOW:

Nice whimsical one to start off with. And, I can tell you had a very entertaining time writing this.

Creative take on the challenge by making it a musical too.

I loved these lines:

She's
a southern belle, grapes fresh from
the pits of hell.


entranced goddess, menacing beauty, killer bust.

vibes of lewdness and lust  

I need ya to slosh over me?   this one's questionable.

Lastly, I would have preferred if you had written:

'The' instead of our melody is now SYNTHESIZED MADNESS.

- but that's a nitpick.

Gotta admit the lyric repetition did start to wear a little thin after a while - but you made up for it with a nice little denouement.

Great that you bought the cat back to life too.


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Ryan1
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 12:00am Report to Moderator
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Oh, the cat people are gonna love this one.

Musical theater was never my thing, so I couldn't get into this.  Others might love it, though.  Had a Rocky Horror/Bride of Frankenstein vibe to it.  Insane visuals and equally demented lyrics.  
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IamGlenn
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 1:56am Report to Moderator
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:)

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This was different... Ha.

Musicals, also, are not my thing but you did a good job here. Some fantastic imagery. Especially when She arrives and the last scene in hell.

Enjoyable

PS.. poor Twigs. Awful lot for a cat to be put through


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DustinBowcot
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 3:01am Report to Moderator
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I liked this and with some work it would make a good cartoon. It's written very well. Some of the lyrics missed but that's to be expected with just a week to work with.

This will take a long time to get perfect, but would be worth the effort, IMO. Some light-hearted Halloween fun.

Nice effort.
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Scar Tissue Films
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 3:10am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


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There's a lot of personality there, but not for me. Far too comedic.

I'm sure some would love it.
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 3:30am Report to Moderator
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Very original. I don't think anyone would have come up with that for this challenge. It explains why he has to say dialogue out loud. Lol

It's a hit or miss for people on genre. I liked it. Lol.

How did the cat die? I don't recall he ever died.

Hope this helps,
Gabe


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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DustinBowcot
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 3:34am Report to Moderator
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The cat's neck was wrung at the start to complete the spell.
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 3:42am Report to Moderator
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Ah. I See it now.


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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rendevous
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 3:56am Report to Moderator
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Away

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A Horror Musical Short... These words do not inspire much hope in me. Still, I'm game. Read without too much prejudice, all that type of thing.

Well, I suspect it's Queen inspired. With tastes of Kiss, The Darkness and the like.

It's silly, but fun. Not really my type of thing. But Rocky Horror fans may find it enjoyable.

R



Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
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JonnyBoy
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 5:59am Report to Moderator
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Hard to fully appreciate without the music, but agree with the above - this would make a fun animated short, perhaps stop-motion a la Nightmare Before Christmas?

Entertaining. Thanks!


Guess who's back? Back again?
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wonkavite
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 7:40am Report to Moderator
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Wow - that was weird!  I'll give the writer on this one lots of kudos for creativity.  It's colorful, decriptive and well written (not sure I cared for the specific lyrics though.)  The concept's bizarre and over the top - and it was meant that way. And it could be quite visually bizarre if filmed.  Blake Snyder would be sooooo upset about poor Twigs, though!

Cheers,

--J
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dogglebe
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 7:43am Report to Moderator
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This is my first OWC to read and I'm glad I picked this one.  Very unique and fun to read.

I thought it ran a little to long and figured it was padded to meet the challenge's criteria.  Sometimes, a script can get away with it and sometimes it can't; this one couldn't.


SPOILER SPACE

You need to give a little more emphasis on Twigs' demise.  It didn't register when Flash killed him and I had to go back and reread it.

Like I said, it was a fun reads.


Phil
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khamanna
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 7:46am Report to Moderator
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This was a work of art for me. It picked up my interest from the get go, then held it up - you have it all, elements of horror, fun characters, well-thought lyrics. There were quite a few hysterical lines - the funniest when he called her bitch and in the middle when he became quite just for a moment and just asked "baby?". Lol, very funny.

I'm going to reread it just for fun and sing it out - I'll try to come up with a tune that fits.
Overall, it was a lot of fun, very entertaining, in fact amazing entry. I didn't expect to see anything like that in an OWC, let alone this particular OWC.

It's my first read in this OWC but I'm sure this one will remain my favorite. I'll remember it for a very long time.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: October 25th, 2014, 8:05am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from dogglebe

You need to give a little more emphasis on Twigs' demise.  It didn't register when Flash killed him and I had to go back and reread it.


I picked up on that straight away. It's written very clearly already. If people are missing out words, that's hardly the writer's fault.
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