Quoted from dead by dawn I stopped reading at page 3.  The random sex scene screams pisser and I'm not going to waste my time.

Oh, but you have no idea what you're missing...a "beheamoth moth" in a cave witha a black knight, crazy dialogue, insane situations, and yes...a classic, and CLASS A pisser.

Please read on, Steverino.

I'm new. Somebody explain "pisser" to me.

I've read this thing twice. STILL not ready to comment.

Quoted from Stumpzian I'm new. Somebody explain "pisser" to me. I've read this thing twice. STILL not ready to comment.

A usually poor entry someone tries to explain away as being a deliberate, determined attempt to not follow the criteria and spirit of the challenge.

Quoted from Stumpzian I'm new. Somebody explain "pisser" to me. I've read this thing twice. STILL not ready to comment.

Hey Henry.

A 'pisser' or as we Aussies call it - 'pisstake' is an entry that has been written as a deliberate mockery, spoof, send-up - it's generally over the top with errors or attempted comedy, outlandish plot etc.

- And, what Jonny said.

Quoted from Stumpzian I'm new. Somebody explain "pisser" to me.

See any of Stevie's scripts to find out exaclty what taking the piss really means.

Thanks, Jonnyboy, LC, Dreamscale.

OK, the Frenchman Cozco ( or Costco sometimes, like the Price Club?) "accidentally" sticks his finger in his nose, flicks a "booger" at the Moth, which staggers around like a rabid baboon, and awakens the Black night ( no K, and not the Brown Knight named elsewhere), which breaks his arm, loses his horse ( I may have this wrong), and kills the Moth.

I kind of liked the long monologue at the tombstone, though it didn't make sense.

Now that I know what a pisstake is, I'm thinking  this is one. Well done, but a pisser.

You totally lost me on p5 when said "The same backpack Jimmie gave to his grandfather... He stole his money..." - who stole whose money here?
I know Jimmie was with this backback from the very beginning. He was at school with it. The hitman tried to kill him... - I liked the beginning. It was about someone trying to do something. Then Jimmie visits an old lady - don't know who it is, Jimmie might be from the otherworld in other time dimension or something. He kisses the old lady, leaves the backpack.

After that the story got lost to me.
Jimmie tackles the man in black and  the frenchman suddenly says "you're thinking of the pussi?". --why?
On p6 the Frenchman looses his accent. There's a long monologue on that page and I wish you found a way to split it into short parts.
I don't know why Jimmy stole the money and why the Frenchman suddenly wants to help Jimmy.

Different -- but ultimately a struggle to follow.

Had a few notes going for this one -- and though I made it through the sudden ‘full fledged break dance’ I had to give up with the appearance of the moth.  I have literally no idea what’s going on and there’s a beer in the fridge that ain’t getting any colder.  The Old and FRAIL WOMAN in the hospital (presumably his Grandmother?) later referenced as his Grandfather had me wondering if you were making this up in the fly?

Sorry, but it’s late here, there’s a lot of these to get through and this one is just too unashamedly out there for me.

This one - definitely not for me.

The good points: obviously written by someone who *can* write.  There are some asides and turns of phrase that are very good here.

The bad:

First of all, extremely confusing.  I'm not sure if there was an allegory behind it that made sense; but if there was I missed it.  (Which could be my failure.  When I go back and look at other comments, I'll see if anyone else picked up on anything.)

On top of that - there's a crude, juvenile sensibility to some of this that I honestly found downright offensive.  For instance, the description of the Frenchman with the hooker.  Unnecessarily crude and offputting.  And that's coming from someone who has no reservations to putting sexual deviance (where appropriate) into my writing.

So... no.  Not for me.

Added note: just scanned the other comments.  I tend to agree, this is probably a pisser.

This was funny at times, then confusing, then VERY funny, then... very confusing. I'm guessing the foreign language didn't help either, the extent of my French comes from reading mandatory French on product packaging... but I get the gist of what was transpiring.

I can't even fathom what a 3 dollar hooker would look like, let alone a two dollar...

FRENCHMAN COZCO'S name changed about three times in the beginning, so I was thinking it violated the rules of the theme, but after another read I guess it comes through. This dude was funny to me because I immediately saw Ricky Bobby's nemesis, Jean Girard...

"Just say you like really thin pancakes... why do you want me to break your arm so badly?"

Entertaining, however, I'm really not sure what transpired. Some type of switcheroo/ retribution, followed by some form of despair?  Think I'm way off...

SPOILERS


This is very, very strange.

Inconsistencies:  In the hospital, Jimmy leaves the money with his Grandmother. Page 5 it is his Grandfather.

This is whacked out avant-garde weird.  I'm not sure if I get it or if I like it.  

I am going to have to come back to this again.

Okay, I have to be honest here, like fully honest, this was the first script I read but I was left baffled and decided not to comment. I think I've finally gotten my thoughts in order.

A lot of strange stuff going on, and I mean a lot. I want to say this is a pisser, but there's a part of me that thinks it isn't,  in fact, this might be that script that Jeff said he rushed through.

We start off with "I azked for another drink two minutes ageu" which really sets off the tone well, I mean, maybe I'm one of few who finds it distracting and laughable when writers try to force foreign accents into scripts. And I mean, the French is hilarious too. Despite the mistake in the title, which I'm fairly certain was on purpose, it seems like the writer went into a lot of trouble to find exact and real quotes. I tried injecting a few of them into Google translate, and the grammar was screwed up, which usually means it's proper actual French... So why put so much effort into trying to perfect the French but leave careless typos, mistakes, the like in there?

A few examples which I found hilarious, all being taken from Google translate by the way, so I doubt this is what you meant. Maybe a proper French speaker could tell us what they actually mean?

"Oui, tenancier du ba!" = "Yes, the keeper of the bar"
"Salut ... Je ne comprends pas ... Pas terrible" = "Hi ... I do not understand ...
not terrible" (awfully nice for a hitman)
"Putain de merde! Putain de merde!" = "Holy shit ! Holy shit !" (although looking into it, it seems to actually mean "Fuck you, whore! Fuck you, whore!", rightttttttt...)
"Quelle imb�cile! Connasse d'Am�ricaine! = "What an idiot! motherfucker of d'Am�ricaine !" (Guess the writer is from the US)
"Va te faire foutre, you dumb Medieval pig!" = "Fuck you , you dumb Medieval pig !"
"Tu preferais pas baiser un cadavre?" = "You would rather not kiss a corpse?" (this one made me actively search it out, and it seems to really mean "Do you want to have sex with a cadaver instead?")

And finally, my personal favourite. "Va te faire enculer, encul� de merde!" = "Fuck you
fuck , fucking shit!"

Firstly, you call ahem, the hospital patient Jimmy's grandmother, then it turns into his grandfather, and then it turns into his mother at the end, and I think somewhere in there you say he's a father or brother or something.

You call the Frenchman Cozco, but then you start calling him Costco, like the store? I don't even think Cozco is a name.

I really don't know what to say, except, like Jonny, the fact that this review probably took longer to write than the actual script. I don't think it's a pisser, but I feel a kind of pity for the person who wrote this, "Poor fuckin' mammy".

Oh, and like Rick, I'm getting huge "Ricky Boobie" vibes here, the writer is definitely a fan of Jean Girard.

My favorite character here is easily the Behemoth Moth.  I was rooting for it the entire way through, and saddened when the booger caused his downfall.  I sure didn't see that coming.

Quoted from Dreamybales I was rooting for it the entire way through, and saddened when the booger caused his downfall.  I sure didn't see that coming.

What, even when you were typing it?

R