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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2014 One Week Challenge  ›  Goatman (was Peanut Butter Kisses) - OWC
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  Author    Goatman (was Peanut Butter Kisses) - OWC  (currently 5404 views)
c m hall
Posted: November 13th, 2014, 11:19am Report to Moderator
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SPOILERS and notes

Script is even better in the rewrite.  Very enjoyable.

I like that the Seance scene shows Goatman needs to find the 2 missing people.  Our first time seeing Goatman in silhouette, half hidden by fog is good and eerie.

Goatman as heat-seeker could be emphasized more, maybe he gets stronger near heat and hot people and when

"Sara freezes in fear"  maybe he can't find her for that moment.

When the Goatman is driving the car in reverse his various eyes could show that he's drawn to the engine's heat and to Sara -- crazy tattoo eyes burning with purpose while dutifully checking the car's rearview and side mirrors...

Page 10.  Rather than have Goatman chomp down, rip the meat off the leg bone, if he smashes the bone, sucks out the bone marrow he could get a bigger jolt of heat, maybe.

In exchange for having peanut butter kisses gone from the title maybe a sticky brown goo could replace the green goo from Goatman's mangled hand and severed finger.

I like the petty jealously of the Zombie Bride and her confusion about which one of the girls is her rival and that she calls Sara a Cold Bitch.  Note: page 6 reads Zombie Girl (Bride is better).

Maybe by the time Sara and the Candy Striper are back in the car, Candy Striper could start to revive and her first thought is to check her lipstick in the rearview mirror, she sees what Sara sees... "Goatman by the revolving door..."

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c m hall  -  November 13th, 2014, 2:42pm
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DarrenJamesSeeley
Posted: November 13th, 2014, 1:29pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from c m hall


In exchange for having peanut butter kisses gone from the title maybe a sticky brown goo could replace the green goo from Goatman's mangled hand and severed finger.




Thanks for the revisit CM. Didn't think about the heat thing, that's a nice suggestion. Could use some more of that outside...but I alrady kind of did that gag. Only instead of peanut butter, it was pumpkin pie filling.



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