Quoted from Dreamscale I agree with Dave.  The aspect of the visit being so brief may be throwing peeps off, as it just doesn't make sense.

Jeff, PM me the name of the other one you think I missed the point on. I want to double check

Wow, that released the feels and twanged the old heartstrings. I'm guessing that Charley doesn't have a choice in what memory he gets to relive as that was the night he was given the ornament? I wonder how many years it has been. Like Jeff said, all the clues are there. You don't want to skim this one.

I think another page or two to flesh out the short visit might do this well. No real complaints, writer.

There's a mournful quality here that I think is good. The emotional connection to Charley is immediate, The pacing was good. No problems there. At the same time, It almost felt like a "self-service" script. You've got to fill in the blanks yourself. I hate assuming, but did the family die? For my money, they’re dead. I’ll assume so. Shrug, maybe I'm trying to be too sensible, applying logic to whimsy. In which case, ignore me. I did like it. Best of Irish luck!-ghostie girl.

I fall into the group that was confused by this.

A breakdown came for me with the following line: Bill: "Okay, so, I hate to say it but
you're going to have to follow us in your car back to our house."

Why does Bill need someone to follow him home? If the weather is bad, why put a second driver in danger? I live in a cold-weather city and I have never once heard a request like this.

If all of this is a memory, why would this memory be important?

It seems like the old guy is just remembering things via his ornament. Nobody is really there.

Not clever enough to get it.

I think they died in the accident and the ornament allows him to relive moments when his wife and family were alive etc.

Perhaps in that regard there should be a scene with them all around the table on Christmas Day, and then they all disappear into thin air.

I think it's a sound idea in that regard but it does need more clarity.  The sentiment and vibe was lovely...
Definitely reboot after the challenge.

And no, it isn't mine btw.

Writer,

I think I got what you were trying to do here, but I wasn’t sure if I was. So, I decided to go back and check. Then I decided not to because, as a rule, if I need to go back and check then, likely, something in your story, or the way you told it, was off. Early passages were a bit long, making the first page a bit long. You can cut that stuff down and leave some to the reader’s imagination.

If the story is what I think, that Charley might have been losing his memory or something, I like that premise. Just the execution wasn’t good. Good effort!

Steve

My wife always tells our daughter when she reads and takes a test "Don't skip words. Don't add words. It'll all make sense." So, most peeps 'got it' and some needed a little encouragement to read it again (thanks Libby and Jeff!). I wasn't trying to make it a difficult story. I really didn't want to make it so OTN so there would be an 'Ah ha' moment.

The enchantment was to remember the joy of giving and receiving the gift. It just so happens that the moment happened to be before his family pass in a car accident (yes, it was up to the reader/viewer to figure that out). I could have written more exposition to explain that it only recurs annually and for only a certain amount of time but that would ruin it.

- Why the short visit? They stopped by just to pick them up and take them to their house for the holiday. I could have made that more clear.
- Why did Charley have to drive? I meant to add that they went shopping and the car was too full for everyone and the dog. Hence, Charley had to drive separately. My bad, I ran out of pages.
- Why Romania? Why not? The old country full of mythos and gypsies. IDK.
- Maybe next year? Charley can hope to join them one day....

I'm going to work on this a bit. It's a shoe-string, one location, and small cast short that could work.

Thanks again for the kind words and suggestions. A special thanks to Libby for, once again, coming to the rescue for the story's side to help explain what peeps missed. This is like the third or fourth time in a row!

Happy New Year, everyone!