Now we are all exposed, so to speak, time to say thanks to everyone who read, especially Jeff who drunkenly took offence at Don's typo, and couldnt remember reading it in the first place, but kindly went back a second time and bashed it all the same.

Lessons learnt;

1) don't do comedy - tricky one to pull off in an OWC, especially a crass slapstick style. Not everyone's cup of tea. I did try and blend a few genres, maybe too much, but it didn't feel too different to likes of Shaun of the Dead, where they joke about farts then have to chop of zombies heads including his mother. But still, tricky to pull off. Best not to be done in a week.

2) don't submit two days early after a drunken night out when you have made some last minute changes!! Recipe for disaster. Eg forgetting to mention the lap top. Small things can annoy.

3) check for Brit words - arse, torch, saloon car etc etc never going to get that perfect but may get better.

Not the best of outcomes but it was definitely a challenge.  

I think if Pia and Michael are trying to mash these into one feature the comedy aspect wouldn't work but maybe the concept of a portal opening in the eye of a storm has something.

Cheers folks.

I WISH I had read this one before I voted!  I ended up casting my vote for One of God's Special Children - which I admit was a solid, good read.

But this one?  Even better!  Memorable characters, loved the quips!  And the story pulled together in almost everyway.  The only thing this missed as far as the demanding criteria went was the choice over good vs. evil...  There really was no choice - the protags just did what they needed to, to survive.

But - kudos.  I really enjoyed this one!

--Janet (wonka)

Hey Janet,

Kind of you to read and even better you liked it. This wasn't everybody's favourite genre so next time I will avoid comedy, unless I can't think of anything else of course. The OWC gives you so little time with often tight criteria that I find I have to go with the first possible runner.

Good to see you and the "old dog" back on the boards.

Cheers

Bill

Bill, I agree with the others. A great dark comedy. You also should consider taking another genre story. Deeper develop and change the genre of your story to a serious sci-fi fantasy or horror by changing your scene headings.

Since we are deep in the Georgia Swamp Countryside we could say:

EXT.  ALLIGATOR  MOTEL  -  NIGHT

            OR

EXT.  RED  BUG  MOTEL  -  NIGHT

Now,  You don't have to change anything else in your story. Just the scene headings above. Now you have a more serious Sci-Fi fantasy or Horror.

I really like your story. Very Good.

Darryl