Jeff, was I right in my guess that you ran out of time at the end and rushed the ending?

Felipe, a (beat) is a dialog direction and not an acting direction.  That's why it belongs with the dialog.

If you wanted to have a really long, awkward pause between a party (where everyone looks at each other), then you can probably get away with putting it as a direction.


Phil

Actually, no, Kev.  I didn't run out of time.

The other scenarios I ran through didn't flow well, and my thinking was the "vision" of her headstone made it clear that she was indeed one of God's special children, and it was a forgone conclusion that she would give her life for humanity.

Plus, I need to use my shimmering beads, otherwise they'd be nothing more than a cheap (or maybe expensive) prop.

I voted for this one. I liked the dialogue in it bestest.

Good Job Jeff!

Hey everyone, thanks for the reads, reviews, and votes.  It's much appreciated and I truly mean that.

I almost wasn't gong to enter this as I just didn't really like it...but Kimmie May's character started growing on me and I definitely liked Big Lew (as he was originally named).

I actually started thinking about this challenge early, as opposed to the usual last minute, as I knew I was busy all day Friday and better get it punched out by Wednesday, so I could edit it a few times Thursday.

Apologies to my mate Stevie, as I really tried to incriminate him as being the writer.  I'm quite sure he'll get me back some way, but hopefully he knows it was all in good fun.

I knew damn well that Kimmie May would be polarizing with her dialogue, but the more I looked at her and what she said...and how she said it, I actually came to really like her.

There was originally some backstory to why she was still there, but I decided that it was dragging early on, and I wanted her there stranded anyways, so why fuck with it?  I chopped it out and this is what was left.

Glad some of you enjoyed this.  That makes me happy...seriously.  Sorry others didn't like it, but again, I'm always going to present something that will be polarizing and hopefully, that alone will make it stand out and be somewhat memorable and unique.

If anyone wants more info on what I wrote for your scripts, just PM me and I'll take another look.

Thanks again.  Good OWC.

"Happy, happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween.  Happy, happy Halloween, Silver Shamrock!"

Name that movie!!!!!

Big Lew. Would that be Big Loo in British?
I hope you will read and comment on my script!

Quoted from Grandma Bear Big Lew. Would that be Big Loo in British? I hope you will read and comment on my script!

Skip to my Loo!!!!

You know I will Mistress.  I actually didn't believe you when you said you hadn't entered a script.

Anything involving mimes, puppets, and/or ventriloquists will get a read from me every time!     Bring it...or send it to me now.

I liked the clarity and I liked that it wasn't some cynical commentary on Christianity, despite the heavy religious element. Kimmie May's dialogue definitely conveyed who she was and it was relatable. It wasn't too slow of a read, but it wasn't really fast, either. I kept reading not really because I wanted to know what happened to our girl Kimmie, but because I wanted to give a fair and informed review.

The whole 'shimmering bead' element confused me. At first, I just thought it was water from the storm blowing around in the air, but then you used it as some supernatural thing for the tombstone.

At first, I was confused by the whole office thing. I didn't really get that Kimmie was the manager or whatever. Maybe she should wear a uniform or nametag? You did say she was behind the counter, so maybe I should just learn to read. Also, the "shimmering beads" threw me for a loop too. I thought you were just describing the water, not supernatural happenings. One problem I have with a lot of these descriptions in everyone's scripts is that I can't tell hyperbole from a literal occurrence of something.

As for Kimmie's choice, I kind of like how she already made it before it came time to choose. That was some nice planning.

Overall, this wasn't something I enjoyed, just because I'm not into religious/supernatural stories. Or just supernatural thrillers, in general. But it was good for what it was.

Quoted from DanBall The whole 'shimmering bead' element confused me. At first, I just thought it was water from the storm blowing around in the air, but then you used it as some supernatural thing for the tombstone. Also, the "shimmering beads" threw me for a loop too. I thought you were just describing the water, not supernatural happenings. One problem I have with a lot of these descriptions in everyone's scripts is that I can't tell hyperbole from a literal occurrence of something.

Hey Dan, thanks for the read and feedback.  I appreciate it.

Something I always recommend and something I always do is to read exactly what the script says and not "read" anything into it.

Most peeps seem to almost browse instead of really reading, which leads to 2 things that a reader shouldn't do.

1)  Miss things, including both important information and/or visuals, and mistakes.  It always amazes me when someone says how well a script was written, when I know damn well it's actually the opposite.

2)  Assume things/read into things, which covers both what they feel may be a mistake, so they pretend it's not there and go ahead, and also just filling in assumptions where they feel they can or should.

A great example is Felipe's OWC, Now Lie In It.  I think I may have been the only one to bring up that his main character was buttass naked the entire script, because Felipe forgot to mention that he put clothes on.  The casual reader just assumed he must have clothes on now because it wouldn't make much sense for him to be parading around nude the entire time...but...you can't do that.  You need to read the script as it's written.

As for my shimmering beads, I don't personally see how anyone could confuse them with raindrops.  And to make sure no one did, i purposely wrote several descriptions of them covering the entire floor, then dancing in the air, which raindrops obviously would never do.

Just trying to help out, bro, not trying to be a dick.  Hope you understand.

Thanks again for reading.

Quoted from Dreamscale A great example is Felipe's OWC, Now Lie In It.  I think I may have been the only one to bring up that his main character was buttass naked the entire script, because Felipe forgot to mention that he put clothes on.  The casual reader just assumed he must have clothes on now because it wouldn't make much sense for him to be parading around nude the entire time...but...you can't do that.  You need to read the script as it's written.

Jeff, that is such a minor technicality that it doesn't even matter. It is clear to the reader that his nudeness has nothing to do with the story!

Since I was looking at these scripts as possible stories to produce, I can tell you that I totally overlooked his nakedness due to it having noting to do with the story. I liked his story for the story. NOT his state of undress!  

Cheers!!