All of these scripts suffer from exposition. And this one was no different. It was the nature of the challenge, but you've got to drive a tad of tension in these!

There was none here. I do not get why MIchael decides to call David's cell phone in the middle of their conversation and how that is supposed to set this whole thing into motion.

The idea of Huracan needing a human sacrifice was good. I wished it would've became more evident earlier in the script.

Good job entering the OWC.

James

I wanted to like this more.  I looked up Huracan to see if it was real and indeed it is, so I liked mixing that aspect into the story.

I like the idea of these nuts making sacrifices to a god and purpose that I don't think a lot of people would know about (I didn't) but the dialogue kinda ruined it for me as it didn't provide much in terms of depth, story movement, or even making the characters very interesting.  That, I think, was the main downfall here.

For what it is it's not bad.  Easy enough to read.  Happy ending.

Greg

I think this writer is fairly new, only because it was super-expository, especially with everybody's introductions, and them repeating their names over and over.  I remembered when I started writing early on I was too focused on getting all my characters in and introduced not only to the writer, but also on screen, in the first page.  It's okay to give your audience a little credit for being smart.  They'll figure out who your characters are and remember them without needing it forced down their throats who's who over and over.

The dialogue is too perfect and follows too many grammar rules.  That is why it sounds so stale and rigid.  Gotta lighten up a little bit, especially when you have 5 different characters, and they ALL follow the same hard rules of English.

Also, things in the story were happening too conveniently.  (I.E.:  The one brother calling the other brother's phone and it ringing.  Michael all of a sudden showing up and conveniently killing a god.  It all happened just a little too matter of fact for me.

However, I will say that the writer here is going to have some talent once they figure out their style and figure out other ways of getting a story across instead of just having it conveniently happen.

- Mark

Not bad... also not very good.

The dialogue was too on the nose... a lot of repetition
Quite a few grammar mistakes, but that happens in OWC's..

Nice use of Huracan... at least you were one of the few who actually concentrated more on the hurricane than the motel..

Good job on entering

Mark

Blood Ties by - As a hurricane bears down on the Texas coast, a man arrives at a remote motel, searching for his missing brother.  He soon uncovers a horrible secret, which threatens to release an ancient, primal power.
Brief - A couple of motel owner have conflict with a couple looking for a lost sibling. Too bad he’s now a sea monster/god/beast... thing.

Locations & Sets  -  Exterior, motel @ night. Interior, motel room @ night. Interior, motel lobby @ night
Actors  -  AURELIO(60), CATERINA(62), MICHAEL (, EVE (, dark figure
Costumes  -  dark figure’s coustume
Props  -  folder full of forms, pistol, short lengths of rope
Audio FX  -  radio announcer voice over, hurricane wind and rain, screams.
Visual FX  -  binding ropes melt away effect
Other  -  night time exterior heavy rain effect, crash pads for falls, tray clean up, dripping sea water set up
Genre & Marketability - Supernatural horror action
Comments  -  I’d delete that opening motel sign part. Pg 1, since Aurelio states “Patience, my dear sister. Someone will come.” then you don’t need to put the pre-redundant words “His sister” in her action line description beforehand. Probably ought to have the scene move out to the motel lobby on pg2 - insert a slug as such. Dialog’s a bit goofy.
MICHAEL
I know that. I know a lot about
this town. About it's history
and the missing people each year.
OMG.
MICHAEL
Yes, I...whats happened? Are
you alive?
DAVID
No. The gods accepted me as
their sacrifice. During the
last hurricane.
OMG.
Honestly, I do like the action in this story. The dialog needs some SEVERE rhinoplasty, though.
Script format: fair. Final word: I’d stay in contact with the writer, retain the premise, essentially rewrite the entire dialog, and probably cut out Catarina & Eve’s characters, and have the dark figure/David do more than a The Creature From the Black Lagoon bit.

$1,000 - $3,000  Lo/Hi Estimated Budget Range
/ 7.6 Screenplay Pages
= $132 - $395  Estimated Cost Per Screen Minute

Adherence to Given Criteria:
Odd but interesting character(s) - no, not really. The situation is interesting, but not the characters
take refuge from a hurricane - yep, sorta
in a beat-up motel - yep
and are forced to make a choice - not really
between good or evil - not really
in order to survive the night. - nope
Each character must -
have some history involving a supernatural event in their lives - eh, kinda
that factors into their choice. - nope
Genre is open. - Supernatural horror action
This is a micro-budget short, - yep
so no destruction of the motel, - yep
no children or animals - yep
and minimal special effects. - yep
BONUS! Story also included:
mime(s) - nope
dinosaur(s) - nope

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WBdeA3ZfngPz7NfJg_5DSBUFsZXkicfyNQHRc8Bg2SQ/edit

That was pretty good for an OWC entry.  

I thought the story was pretty clear.  There's some tidying that could be done with the dialogue and you could possibly make the beginning a bit shorter.

You definitely did a good job at creating tension and the ending was satisfying.

Well done.

The whole idea of smiling at someone while looking at someone else and then frowning momentarily just plays as funny to me. Is that even possible?

Overall things were pretty good until the last page or so. When David arrived and solved everything it felt a little like Deus Ex Machina, but not really... If that makes sense. You could polish that ending into something more powerful.

This one wasn't for me, sorry. Agree that the use of Hurican was a nice touch, but overall the characters weren't all that interesting and the dialogue flopped. There is a good story in there though. A re-write could do this some justice.

Good effort.