All of the different POV were confusing to me to be honest. You should figure a way to lose them and leave off the camera directions.

Satanic symbols have nothing to do with witchcraft. Do your research.

This story didn't really have enough meat for me. I didn't care too much for any of the characters. There were lots of holes in the backstory, so it needs some more work IMO. Good job completing an OWC.

I've mentioned a lot of these scripts feel like stories that are too big for 10 pages. But this one straight up feels like it was cut off the end of a feature with little to no changes whatsoever. I hope that wasn't the case.

Too many characters introduced in too short amount of time. Very little content given for who they are in the story. Right off the bat, you can tell a lot has happened before the plot officially starts on page one. That's okay if you fill in the blanks in such a way where the reader doesn't get lost. Not the case here. I had no sense of what was going on plotwise until page 5, over halfway through the script. No good.

Didn't care for the dialogue either. Lots of name-calling and profanity. Nothing against either in general but if they're not used properly, they just come off as try-hard and juvenile. I mean, you have a middle-aged guy using the word "skank" in most liberal fashion only to use the word "creature" later on. I don't buy it. It's inconsistent. Also, excessive profanity kills otherwise resonant lines like "Just my pride."

And really... "Too hot to handle." Face palm. It's lame in its own right but especially bad here since the script is otherwise completely devoid of zingers, one-liners, or anything like that.

Not to say there wasn't anything in your script I liked. On the contrary, definitely some cool and intriguing images going on here. I liked the wooden gun and the way the witches died overall, I liked the dungeon scene with the cauldron and the severed limbs, I liked the map and the corresponding text, and the last image through the crystal ball was a nice touch and cool way to sign off.

Some interesting images and ideas here for sure. The present execution needs a lot of work though.

Okay, was debating even reading through the watermark as it was very distracting. I did get through it though and found the action and dialog had some good potential. I found it a quick read with an interesting plot. It left me wanting to know more about the characters though. Perhaps this could be fleshed out into a feature?

Watch for grammar and spelling errors. There are quite a few errors, such as a comma after "but" instead of before it. Also, I see Sheriff Lyon and Lyons, which one is it? Cut out all the character POVs.

Writer,

I thought this was actually pretty decent. I say that because I was able to visualize almost everything, from the gunfight, to the witches wails as they got shot, and the cellar of horrors, etc. so def a nice job with that. The story itself worked for me. A little anti climactic in the end, but hey, we only had a week.

Issues I had were the constant use of camera directions, POV and such. Became a little annoying after a while. No need for them really. I don't think it added anything to the story. And like  I said, I though your visuals were just fine.

Steve

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New Salem

Hello!

Seems to be another fun-ride concept.
The killing of two witches by gunshot was too easy IMO. I thought that the sheriff got a tinnitus, but he can hear at the end again. It felt a western, vampire-hunting mood. The end fits too your concept. A cool finish. All in all, not enough for me. It didn't blow me off like you did with the two witches.

No country for those old men.

Not as deep as it has to. But solid.

Weighted Matrix: https://docs.google.com/spread.....TTUE&usp=sharing

Producer's Notes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NNGaVlrrpkjIfp-BRGjpTE03W1e5lZuRceJ3wQECYaI/edit?usp=sharing

5. New Salem by Wolfgang Calvin - Horror - In the secluded town of New Salem, Alaska, a disgraced sheriff seeks to rescue his former deputies from a coven of witches operating a whore house.
Brief -

Location(s)  -
Cast -
Protagonist(s)  -  
Antagonist(s)  -
Genre & Marketability -
Comments  -  LMAO @ the FD8Demo watermark. Learn the correct way to build a slug line. Oh, you have GOT TO QUIT with the "CUT TO:s" and such. Learn to use a possessive apostrophe, commas, and general grammar. Alright, I'm outta here before the end of page one. Ciao.
Script format - Abominable. Download Celtx 2.9.1, free, and quit dickin around with whatever you're using.
http://download.cnet.com/Celtx/3000-13631_4-10850080.html
Final word - Save this, keep learning for another year, then go back and read this again.

     Lo/Hi Estimated Budget Range
/      Screenplay Pages
= $      Estimated Cost Per Screen Minute

Adherence to Given Criteria:
Modern Witches and/or Warlocks -
Horror -

A nice short energetic piece with inventive magic. I really like you handled the gun use. Modern witches would definitely have to come up with a way to deal with this. I liked the idea of the wooden gun and the flames. It's the visual, but also a nod to nature and its relationship with witchcraft.  Another cool visual: dots on a map of other covens. A cliche I like.

This entry also had a fair amount of historical referencs. Like Diana, also the name of a Roman (?) Goddess associated with witchcraftery I believe. Nice use of chanting. I like that it's in Greek. Adds flavour. There are also some good homages to myth. I'm thinking fairytales with the crystal ball and the green skin like OZ.

Light on the scares. More like intense supernatural action. Creative take on magic. Good homages.