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Blackwood

Hello!

BANG. It happened. And it happened heavy. First time until now. You are telling.
It was the first script I read which was real Horror. No subgenre or gore. Even if there's some irony and wit.

The little No's first: Raining clouds crash, a blizzard comes lightly to earth, after that depended to the distance comes thunder, you cannot see the moon in this scenario. Who cares...

I started to like it from the start. Who walks around with a cat? Great. Anywhere the cat get lost.
Also doesn't care me.

It's just so strong in images, impression, picture.


DON'T KNOW IF YOU TRANSPORT THEM AS GOOD AS YOU CAN/SHOULD IN YOUR WRITING. THAT DOESN'T CARE ME AS WELL. THAT'S A STORY. A FILM WHICH WORKS. You could tell me at the bar, speak it in the radio, write it in a book, spray it on a wall,… whatever
Black veins crawl up on arms. Amazing.

I was a short time speechless. I don't know what to comment further. All questions are answered in that crazy flick you made.

Unique

Plus I don't read the loglines so I didn't even know he's a warlock from the start. Great twist

The major problem is obvious here - this ends so abruptly that it leaves a bad taste in the readers mouth. I was really disappointed with that ending because I kinda dug this. It was fun and Blackwood reminded me of Spiderman or Ben 10 with his quips and trusty cat lieutenant.

I also thought the writing (maybe overwritten in places) was decent, very visual so well done.

I think it was around page 6 that I started to lose some faith in the story - it became confusing with all these different FIGURES and the crimson eyes were just tiresome and the idea of Legion although good, also feels all too similar...



A good entry but the abrupt ending let this down for me - great potential in the character Blackwood though.

Congrats on completing the OWC.

Steve

Ed-

Really liked the horror presented throughout the story. Great visuals as well but lacks a clear cut ending. The story itself feels like a chunk taken out of a feature length script. With 10 pages being the cut off I felt the story needed to get going a tad faster. Would have loved to see Nathaniel come across Legion sooner which would have left room for you to write an ending but regardless I still enjoyed the story!

Congrats in completing the OWC.

Writer,

Not too bad, but this suffers from a lot of exposition and unnecessary dialogue in the opening that slows the pace to a crawl. Get rid of some of this, chops off probably two pages. But we are still left with something of an incomplete story. Towards the end I just couldn't figure out exactly what Nathaniel's purpose here was. Then all these people appear, then readying himself for a battle with Legion. Sorry, but it just lost me.

Congrats on getting an entry in.

Steve

Weighted Matrix: https://docs.google.com/spread.....TTUE&usp=sharing

Producer's Notes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NNGaVlrrpkjIfp-BRGjpTE03W1e5lZuRceJ3wQECYaI/edit?usp=sharing

7. Blackwood by Edhughes60 - Horror - A young Warlock on a mission arrives at an abandoned Sanatorium, where he finds himself face to face with a demonic presence looking to make our world his new home.
Brief - Young demon fighter summons Legion in a sanatorium.

Location(s)  - Sanatorium interior & exterior
Cast - 4
Protagonist(s)  -  
NATHANIEL, 20s, battle worn, jaded, and long-winded
LUNA, cat
Antagonist(s)  -
MALE FIGURE, dark shadow, crimson eyes
FEMALE FIGURE, dark shadow, crimson eyes
LEGION, minor child
Genre & Marketability - Supernatural fantasy action. This is not a solid self contained story. It is a story segment, possibly an opening sequence or a scene from a greater story, on top of not adhering to the given criteria.
Comments  -  Turn off your screenwriting program's mores and continued's feature. "Awesome.  Just.  Awesome." don't do that spacing thing. "... whether he wanted it or not." don't do that, either. I cannot aim a camera at an actor on a set and capture "... whether he wanted it or not." in 2K. Those are called "unfilmables" because they are... unfilmable!
"God your such a pussy." should be "God, you're such a pussy."  Watch it with all of those ellipses on pg 3 & 6. Pg 4, yeah, this is classic Judeo-Christian demonized witchcraft, not modern witchcraft = fail. Pg 7 "He knows it well." another unfilmable. Heavy on the CGI and expensive sets are exactly how you begin to understand the difference between writing pie-in-the-sky stories and stories that are budget minded = likely to be produced. All that said, it's imaginative and very cinematic. Good animated short candidate rather than live action.
Script format - fair.
Final word - Nice, but fails criteria.

$10,000 - 20,000      Lo/Hi Estimated Budget Range
/ 8.3               Screenplay Pages
= $1,204 - 2,409     Estimated Cost Per Screen Minute

Adherence to Given Criteria:
Modern Witches and/or Warlocks - Fail
Horror - Clearly more fantasy action than horror