Quoted from JosephLewis you already want a sequel?  I am flattered!

I think someone's being 'sensitive'.

"In a touring car behind a troop filled half track sits
HEINRICH HIMMLER." This is maybe one of the most awkward lines I've read.

I've noticed the writing could be a lot more visual, there's almost no description of anything so far.

"The sound of Ralf shitting himself." Okay, I laughed but come on, really?

Spear of destiny? What?

Well, it's not really horror and it's not really implied that it's about witchcraft, plus you can argue that WW2 isn't modern. Underwritten writing, if there's such a thing. A few awkward sentences. Looks like you did some research but the story is pretty bland and boring. Takes too long to get where it is at the end, not a lot to like but it's not complete terrible.

Grade: D+

I found it a little unbelievable that the Himmler would let his soldiers eat when he doesn't know anything about this Crowley. In this scenario I would think that Himmler would eat before his soldiers and even then have one of them test his to make sure nothing was in it. Might just be IMO, but this bit felt like the set up was off, to me.

Parts of this I found confusing, while other parts were interesting. There is a story behind all the confusion, but it isn't quite delivered properly yet. With some work this could be good.

As for challenge - not met, IMO - No horror and only the bare climpse of witchery.

Hope this helps
Renee

Writer,

For all the debate about modern times, I decided to give this a read. Man, this went by quick. You used your actions sparingly, but effectively. Overall story was good.

However, it def does not meet the criteria for the challenge. When Heimloch followed Crowley into the darkened hall it got about as suspenseful as it was going to get. But no horror to speak of.

But congrats on completing the challenge!

Steve

Wow.  I'm not sure if this one was meant as a pisser?  Depending on one's definitions, I'd argue that this one doesn't quite qualify as a horror...or modern (although, one could claim that WWII and onward is close enough.)  For me, this primarily came off as a comedy.  And - there *were* a few lines that I found amusing.  The Marlene Deitrich vs. Dame Vera quip, etc. The gradiosity/erzatz lines were nice and subtle, too.

But - the characters were very flat and one dimensional, as was the dialogue.  Frankly, I think it was probably designed that way...so hopefully that doesn't come off as that much of a slam?

Was it for me?  No.  But congrats on the OWC!

Cheers,

--J

Considered not reading this based on how blatantly it balks at the challenge but I've already read too many scripts that did the same thing (albeit a little more clandestinely). Plus the title is sort of fun, there's a lot of white on the page, and I had hopes for some Nazi mysticism, which I love.

I would however like call bullshit on previous comments that defended this entry by claiming "modern" is a subjective term. "Modern" was defined for the challenge in the original thread it was announced in.

Quoted Text Witches that live in the 21st century - 2013 + or - 10 years.  No Salem sh*t.

There you have it.

Anyway, a breezy read indeed. I liked that. I can't say I hated the script. I don't think it really lived up to its name though. I mean, for a script with "vs" in the title, nothing really happened. On top of that, how dumb did these Nazis have to be to sit down with Aleister Crowley and have a feast based on nothing whatsoever?

No Nazi mysticism either.

Meh. With the exception of the overall lack of action, I think anyone who clicked on this should've known what to expect. Sort of pointless as far as the OWC goes though.

No comments read before.
Non-native speaker – take it or leave it.

Aleister Crowley vs Heinrich Himmler

Hello!

Ok. I was expecting some crazy stuff.

It came out much fiction, what I expected as well; unfortunately not much horror. No problem.

It's hard to write about something setting up in a historical world like German national socialism. One week is not enough time for research.  

For example here one of the big wrong details: These Nazi-power-people like Himmler had a lot of knowledge about their drivers, bodyguard or personal assistant... They saw them like a piece of presentation, like a new car or sth., boast with them at other high ranked Nazi's. They had sympathy to them. He couldn't ignore that Ralf was not well.  But all that doesn't care me regarding to one week.

It was surreal, which was cool. I think there is more potential tension inside. Maybe a sight-seeing in Aleisters castle. More movement, please. The try was great. It is definitely feature stuff. Do it before Quentin does. Give it a better ending, not a british car, what suddenly arrives. Let Aleister go crazy... Solid work

Weighted Matrix: https://docs.google.com/spread.....TTUE&usp=sharing

Producer's Notes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NNGaVlrrpkjIfp-BRGjpTE03W1e5lZuRceJ3wQECYaI/edit?usp=sharing

10. Aleister Crowley vs Heinrich Himmler by Joe Lewis - Horror - The beast meets the butcher in a battle of wits.
Brief -

Location(s)  -
Cast -
Protagonist(s)  -  
Antagonist(s)  -
Genre & Marketability -
Comments  -  Period piece is too expensive to produce. Pass.
Script format -
Final word - Pass

     Lo/Hi Estimated Budget Range
/      Screenplay Pages
= $      Estimated Cost Per Screen Minute

Adherence to Given Criteria:
Modern Witches and/or Warlocks -
Horror -