This was a joy to read - beautifully descriptive and no glaring errors that I could see. A lot of writing talent on display here.

Horror is subjective apparently - general consensus seems to be that blood and gore equals horror and that this doesn't quite meet the criteria. I think with the right vibe of filmmaking this is definitely horror.

If I could vote, this would definitely be in my top 5. Very good writing and very good 'story'. Well done to the writer.

No comments read before.
Non-native speaker – take it or leave it.


Where the Wild Thyme Blows

Hello!

OK. A freaking coincidence has met me now. I can't believe it.
The script I read before has got the same main problem as this one. What's going on?

I copy and paste some of the things I can say about that, and there is no single reason to differ, because of the fact it's the thing, what is the most important for me to say about your script:

When a writer needs 100% of the given space, then I get a skeptical view from the start, or, otherwise, if I read through, and recognize it when it comes down to it, that fact will 95% reflect the work.

A strong story is to the point. There is no information missing because of space. If that's the case, you didn't choose the right story or the right decisions in any way referring to screenwriting; it's about: HOW? How do I get it in package, completely? How do it without things missing, that I wanted to tell so much? How to tell the story with using everything I like to tell inside?

I could identify with your characters, no doubt, that was nice.

My subjective view: Because of the thing I mentioned above your end falls down like a little stone in the ocean. It makes no waves. The end is the most important part. Half-solide for me...

I rather liked this one!  Very whimsical, sweet and a little tiny bit haunting.  I think it could have been written a little more emotional at the end...  but hey, that's fine for the rewrite!

Cheers,

Janet (W)

I enjoyed the imagery and the almost contemplative roll-out. I liked the merry go round bit and the way its intercut with Marie.

This was quite good with the way it wrapped up. Well-written and consistent in tone. My only advice would be to let Caleb be more of a protagonist. He didn’t really keep the focus of the story and at times did things that seemed bratty to me. I’d suggest bringing Caleb to the forefront. Let the audience identify with him and see events through his eyes.

Overall this was one of my favorites though. Good work for a week!

I liked this. This reminds of American Horror Story season 1.

I would have disagree with Kev here about the character. In revenge stories, a good and bad need to be established.

Not here.  And it gets resolved easily. lol.

Good job.

Gabe

Fair point, Gabe. It should be said, I did vote for this script as my favorite. My comments, as always, are just an effort to help the writer improve the work. You wanna see harsh comments, you should see my notes on my own stuff! I try to rip things apart and put em back together. Thyme had a great mood and a solid story, and did not rely on over the top stuff to achieve "horror".

Quoted from KevinLenihan and did not relay on over the top stuff to achieve "horror".

As a horror fan, I can say that horror comes in many shapes and forms. Lots of people like over the top gross stuff too.  

Oh, I'm ok with gross. And blood and guts. I'm only saying that's not the ONLY type of horror. As you said, many shapes and forms!

Weighted Matrix: https://docs.google.com/spread.....TTUE&usp=sharing

Producer's Notes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NNGaVlrrpkjIfp-BRGjpTE03W1e5lZuRceJ3wQECYaI/edit?usp=sharing

29. Where The Wild Thyme Blows by Some Muggle - Horror - A young boy gets more than he bargained for when he stumbles upon a buried treasure.
Brief - A childish act crosses the better judgement of an old witch keeping things buried.

Location(s)  - Mountain meadow, cabin exterior & interior, house exterior & interior, park playground
Cast - 7/3
Protagonist(s)  -  
MARIE PENNIFOLD, 70s, sad, lonely eyes, grey hair
Antagonist(s)  -
CALEB, 9, a thin scrap of mischief
MINER dressed in a wool coat and flat cap
CAT
PAMELA, 40s, dour
VIC, 70s
BOYS 2X, 6
Genre & Marketability - Supernatural Horror. This is a good entry in concept but with some reworking could be perfect.
Comments  -  Don't underline your title on the title page. Just ALL CAPS. Although I can't afford to produce this "as is" I think I can rework it to be affordable - by pg2. By pg4 an affordable rewrite is becoming increasingly unlikely with the increase in  characters/actors & locations. Pg7 "A flame flickers into life on one of the candles." You just went classic witchcraft on me = fail, but there's three pages left so I'll finish. Alright, this has potential if we can address some problems. This is more of a supernatural ghost story with some witchcraft lightly tacked on - and classic Judeo-Christian witchcraft at that. With some rework more modern witchcraft can be added, while replacing the classic witchcraft, to heartily overshadow the supernatural element. I'd also keep the cast down to Marie, Caleb, and the Miner.
Script format - fair.
Final word - Fail as is, but has potential with some rework.

$500 - $1,000      Lo/Hi Estimated Budget Range
/ 9.9               Screenplay Pages
= $51 - 101           Estimated Cost Per Screen Minute

Adherence to Given Criteria:
Modern Witches and/or Warlocks - Nope, but could be reworked to accommodate
Horror - Yes

Okay, busy week here, been slacking at getting back to this.

First off, thanks to everyone who gave their time to read and post.  I know SS can be a tough crowd on horror so I'm glad to see people stuck with this.  I can appreciate it was horror-lite and despite the challenge I really wanted to try for a happy(ish) ending.

Can’t say I’m a huge horror fan -- least not when it comes to the slasher/gore style.  The stuff that works for me is usually more haunting and builds at a slower pace.  That was where I was aiming to go with this; along with trying to keep it within a lower budget.

On that note, big thanks to Ray for providing the breakdown.  Interesting to see a different perspective -- one that could ultimately make or break getting a short picked-up regardless of story and writing.  Certainly occurred to me the numerous locations might make this restrictive, just glad I got rid of Marie’s talking monkey-wizard sidekick...  

Think some people were unclear as to the story -- that’s on me.  Given the space I opted to keep exposition to a minimum.  Figured I'd use the feedback to see those areas that would need fleshing out for a re-write.  I will say this started out as Marie’s story, with Caleb as catalyst and the object of her witchcraft.  In the end it seemed to right to pull him into the story more.  No doubt a re-write could develop his character further.

Had to chuckle at Last Fountain’s (sorry don’t know your name) reference to this having elements of Dark Romance.  That's a fair take on the story and I’ll use this as an opportunity to fess up and admit I was struggling for an idea when I heard this song on the radio...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AjblYI9KEY

Thanks again.

Steve.  

I think this was one of the more soulful & beautiful stories. (Of those I actually finished reading, of course. )

Very nice, Steven.

Yeah, I loved the writing in this - hence why I guessed it was yours. I must get a bonus point for that

Quoted from Reef Dreamer Yeah, I loved the writing in this - hence why I guessed it was yours. You're too generous.  I must get a bonus point for that

Yeah, you do.
Three brownie points + a buck twenty-five will get a coke outta the machine for ya.

LOL!  

I liked the eerie, not over the top violence type of horror in this one when most have gone slasher/gore. I think that's what make it stand out from the crowd.

Although, as previously stated, the story is not all that clear, but it kind of works that way too - there's mystery and room for people to come to their own conclusions.

Ray's comment is spot on with this being one of the more beautiful stories in the pack.

Good job

Renee