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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    October 2013 One Week Challenge  ›  The Rift - OWC
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  Author    The Rift - OWC  (currently 4601 views)
RayW
Posted: November 2nd, 2013, 1:59pm Report to Moderator
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I dunno.

I'd hate to goto my regular day job and have my employer expect quality work outta me for $10 an hour, let alone a honest day's work, let alone a typical 12-16hr film day.

I might start treating them like dog sh!t if I paid them such.
I dunno.
$/£10 is almost pointless.

I agree that you can do that.
Just not how I'd run my show, I guess. Fool that I am.



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DustinBowcot
Posted: November 2nd, 2013, 2:01pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from RayW
I dunno.

I'd hate to goto my regular day job and have my employer expect quality work outta me for $10 an hour, let alone a honest day's work, let alone a typical 12-16hr film day.

I might start treating them like dog sh!t if I paid them such.
I dunno.
$/£10 is almost pointless.

I agree that you can do that.
Just not how I'd run my show, I guess. Fool that I am.


No, that's fine. I respect that... but truly, for most of these up and coming actors the acting credit is enough. They'd probably pay for it themselves... and indeed many of them do if you count travelling to the set and such. I know a few and it's hard at the bottom.
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RayW
Posted: November 2nd, 2013, 2:15pm Report to Moderator
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Agreed.



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KevinLenihan
Posted: November 2nd, 2013, 2:25pm Report to Moderator
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The part we need the most help with is figuring out how they escape from the witch. As it is now, Sam listens to the witch's advice to trust her instincts, so she pockets the keys for no good reason. But that's awfully convenient(and that part is my fault, not Dena's!). We were running out of time, and we were working Caeserean Fiction at the same time.

Dena's original idea was to have the bird be a crow...and have Sam take the keys with intentions of freeing the crow. Maybe we should have gone that road. We decided to change the bird to a parakeet so it could talk, and then we weren't sure if the locks made sense anymore. Why free a parakeet?

As Dena said, we wanted there to be a clear moral...this being a fairy tale. It probably was not very clear, but the moral is to be careful, monsters come in all shapes and sizes, and in this case, the shape and size of Brad.

Thanks, fellas.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: November 2nd, 2013, 3:30pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from KevinLenihan
The part we need the most help with is figuring out how they escape from the witch. As it is now, Sam listens to the witch's advice to trust her instincts, so she pockets the keys for no good reason. But that's awfully convenient(and that part is my fault, not Dena's!). We were running out of time, and we were working Caeserean Fiction at the same time.

Dena's original idea was to have the bird be a crow...and have Sam take the keys with intentions of freeing the crow. Maybe we should have gone that road. We decided to change the bird to a parakeet so it could talk, and then we weren't sure if the locks made sense anymore. Why free a parakeet?

As Dena said, we wanted there to be a clear moral...this being a fairy tale. It probably was not very clear, but the moral is to be careful, monsters come in all shapes and sizes, and in this case, the shape and size of Brad.

Thanks, fellas.



I see your dilemna. The keys are too contrived... although she would have a set somewhere.
Maybe one of them can pick locks. Even that is a little shitty.

The bird could work... if maybe one of them helps the bird earlier, maybe it is injured and one of them kindly rescues it. The witch treats the bird bad, the bird gets the keys from the hook in the witch's private room.
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PrussianMosby
Posted: November 2nd, 2013, 4:26pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Kevin,
if you ask for help, I'm definitely there to share thoughts.

You pointed out the problem. Good. I see it the same way.

They wanted to search for a phone cable- and that was great IMO, really creative decision concerning the modern Hansel Gretel aspect.

The box closes, right. I like the box as cage- good choice also

So at that point I try to look back to the tale.

It's a shame I cannot really remember. But, I think the kids were a long time in captivity. Some days if I remind right.

That's the point to go for. The speaking bird is cool, let him be for the mood, nothing else, maybe an interlocutor for the kids or an advise-giver.

So the kids are a long time at the witch's house. The time should give you more options.

Read the tale at wiki. The witch feeds the kids to get them fat and cook them at least. Maybe you can make something like an animal style/theme scenario in the house with the bird and another character could be a DOG. A brave lovely dog. The kids gave their foot to the dog. Maybe they learn him to fetch, by given him the yukky food the witch served actually to them, to make the kids fat.

It's just a thought. By the way- The tale ends with Gretel pushing the witch into an oven, where the witch wanted to push Hansel.

The animal thing is just a direction, referring to my best advice I can give.

Make them have a longer captivity. There you can find the answers of their escape/rescue and also the success over the witch.



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KevinLenihan
Posted: November 2nd, 2013, 4:36pm Report to Moderator
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Their captivity had to be short...we had a deadline! lol

Thanks, Prussian, your comments always a welcome help.

As the story is modern, it's best to have the kids escape that same day, before CNN arrives and all that. We just need a better mechanism, preferably something which allows the children to be clever.

We didn't want it to be Hansel and Gretel, though they are brother and sister. We just wanted it to have a classic fairy tale feel.

Thanks as always!
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PrussianMosby
Posted: November 2nd, 2013, 4:37pm Report to Moderator
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+ the Byrd could be treated by the witch good, the dog bad. The Kids feel for the dog, they build up conection...

That just for the animal direction

still my biggest advice
Make them have a longer captivity. There you can find the answers of their escape/rescue and also the success over the witch.



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PrussianMosby
Posted: November 2nd, 2013, 4:40pm Report to Moderator
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cuts...



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Pale Yellow
Posted: November 2nd, 2013, 7:29pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from RayW

Such a drama major.  

Yeah, modern variant of Brothers Grimm 'Hansel & Gretel.'
I think this is fine Goosebumps material.
http://www.scholastic.com/goosebumps/

The monster thing kinda obliquely hangs off the front quarter-panel.
In addition to making the Sam & Brad relationship pre-teen steamier the association between the magically-appearing-in-the-forest witch and the "monster" needs more reinforcement.

Nice Twilight Zone-esque ending.


Nah, I don't at all think this is utter sh!te.
For crying out loud! It was a week!
The re-tread bones are there.
Just a little bit of tinkering and someone with three kids (probably could do this with two kids and one adult) and an adult in a snowy climate (sure to be available soon west of the rust belt) can film this with the requisite cabin in the woods.

Locations: snowy mountain/forest, cabin in the woods.
Cast: have adult actor pull double duty for "monster" & witch, and 2 or 3 kids.
Costumes: winter wear for kids, witch costume for Ann + few yards of furry fabric to wrap as a shawl (that sh!t's expensive. Like $30 a linear yard. Pfft!)
Props: go crazy. It's your cabin & budget.
$ 500 4 or 5 actors x $100 ea. per day x 1 day
$ 100 Witch & moster costumes
$ 100 Candy cabin decor
$ 100 Got cabin? Day rental
$ 100? Gas + craft table + misc.
$100? Festival submission fees
$1,000 Direct costs
+ $500 - 1,000 Indirect costs (camera + lenses, tripod/track, Steadicam, audio + gear,
          lights/cables/cards/batteries, computer, NLE, director/producer, sound guy, editor,
          audio editing, soundtrack/score, marketing/fundraising/festival rigmarole.)
$1,500 - 2,000 Total budget
/ 9.8 Screenplay pages
$153 - 204 per screen minute

Look about right to you to bring a contemporary retelling of H&G?


Ya know I love ya Ray. Thanks for all your hard work This stuff is good to think about as a writer...and often, we write and forget about a lot of this stuff. I am going to print a few of these out or save to my goog drive so that in the future I'll have it in my mind You rock. Thank you again.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: November 3rd, 2013, 2:31am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from PrussianMosby
+ the Byrd could be treated by the witch good, the dog bad. The Kids feel for the dog, they build up conection...


Why introduce a whole new character? Always a bad move to invent a character just as a tool to move the story forward.

I see little difference between a dog or a bird doing it. You've simply said exactly the same thing as me, only intro'd a new character to do it.
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DustinBowcot
Posted: November 3rd, 2013, 2:36am Report to Moderator
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Maybe they could trick the bird somehow.

Anyway... I've got my own shit to think about. Good luck.
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PrussianMosby
Posted: November 3rd, 2013, 11:05am Report to Moderator
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Quoted from DustinBowcot


Why introduce a whole new character? Always a bad move to invent a character just as a tool to move the story forward.

I see little difference between a dog or a bird doing it. You've simply said exactly the same thing as me, only intro'd a new character to do it.


You're right. Dog or bird as helper is not the important thing.

The bird taking the keys wouldn't be good IMO. Maybe there's another way with the bird. The point is; which I still think is the most important; that they have to be a longer time in the witches' house. The conflict between the kids and the witch must be bigger and longer. Then you can establish the other characters and the situation for an escape. It would be ridiculous when they are there:  it feels like one minute in the cage, and curios things happen in such a short time.

So the combination of time and main conflict + a theme for the escape. The animals were just a variable choice for a whole theme...



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KevinLenihan
Posted: November 3rd, 2013, 11:10am Report to Moderator
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Yeah, I think you're right, Prussian. They shouldn't be there for days, but probably hours...so it feels like they have overcome a great obstacle when they finally escape.
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