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The Rift by Twenty-Five - Horror - Hooky playing siblings seek help when they lose a friend in a monster inhabited woods, and end up ensnared in a witch's trap. (PG) - pdf, format
Well, I can tell alot of peeps are going to be cursing me this weekend, as this is the 6th script I've bailed on very early on.
I'm sorry, but I'm out after the first page.
Writing is so overblown and contains an insane amount of unfilmables and asides, which are a HUGE pet peeve of mine.
With all the prose, you'd think this would be super visual, but it's not at all. I have absolutely no idea what these kids are doing or where they are. On the top of Page 2, you write, "She drops her sled by her feet. Not happy." - HUH? What sled? Did I miss something? If these kids are sledding, you need to set the scene immediately, which you did not.
I really despise these types of character descriptions but I suppose it's a matter of taste in the end. You seem like a good writer so you probably know the ins and outs of it all in the end anyway. I probably have a clue who wrote this.
"Why do we have to do the Rift?" I keep reading this and I'm not any closer to understanding what it means. Is it a typo, or is just meant to sound like that?
"This monster better not mess with her!" Cute, but doesn't read well. I'd scrap it.
Mmm, page 4, kind of reminds me of that children's tale with those starving(?) kids that find a seemingly nice candy witch's house in the forest. Hopefully the story isn't as simple as that.
I'm being picky but AARGH! seems more like an adult scream.
Well, the ending was obvious but you knew that (kind of a cheat really). I could see what you were going for but I hate to say it, any decent writer could've written this. It's the same story again and again. But there's literally nothing different about it, and I was really hoping there was. You may have changed(?) the ending and set it in modern times but it just really lacked. Maybe I missed something but the script doesn't work for me, although it's solid, mostly because of what it was based on.
SPOILERS: I like the spin you put on the old tale - Sam and Brad's affection but I'd want more of it. In fact I'd want much more - otherwise it's the same old tale in the moderns setting and I'd think you'd want to differentiate yours from that one. Although the dialog was fun to read and the whole thing flowed very smoothly. Your characters are fresh and I could feel that they are modern kids - which is pretty hard to do, I'd say and you managed beautifully IMHO. I really liked Willie's last line "Sam was". But I'd appreciate it much more if there was more of Brad and Sam together.
Interesting read. Predictable, but interesting nonetheless. You seem to have the makings of a short story writer, as your descriptions are insanely detailed to the tiniest bit. Nothing wrong with that, but be careful not to overwrite your descriptions, as some readers can be easily put off by that.
As I said, it was a predictable read. Great approach you took, but I do agree with some of the comments above...I sure was hoping you would have taken the story in a different route than what is familiar to many who read such fairy tales. Dialogue did flow smoothly, so kudos on that.
It was fine. I'm not a fan of descriptions where the writer is speaking directly to me, but you can't take away points for someone's writing style. This was very... predictable, though, as you're surely aware. The dialogue (which is really your only selling point) was faux-clever and didn't do much for me. A highly average story which deserves a highly average score.
Wasn't there a witch film with a similar name? Doesn't matter just reminds me that's all.
Logline - bit heavy but we get the picture and I can't lecture anybody about loglines....anybody
Dun dun darr - a big RIFT title. I know a writer who does things like that, I wonder, mind you I thought she's written a handful of the scripts I've read so far Oh, and she likes bold slugs as well! I got a little confused about the woods and the hills etc The cabin in the woods felt a bit so so but I did like the witch, kind of reminded me of the witch from the film brave.
The twist in the SUV did work but I don't think you should have said it was coming
The Elevator Most Belonging To Alice - Semi Final Bluecat, Runner Up Nashville Inner Journey - Page Awards Finalist - Bluecat semi final Grieving Spell - winner - London Film Awards. Third - Honolulu Ultimate Weapon - Fresh Voices - second place IMDb link... http://www.imdb.com/name/nm7062725/?ref_=tt_ov_wr
‘Are we goin’ the right way?’ -- wouldn’t they have followed the sled’s trail in? Maybe that would have been too easy...
Storywise this started out well and I thought you did a good job with Sam’s character. The way she looked out for the others; wanting to leave yet staying on account of her young crush -- it’s a nice little bit of character work and I actually started to care...
For me it felt like the tension and mystery started to drift about halfway through, almost as if the writer felt the limit approaching and wasn’t sure how to keep things rolling. I'll admit to feeling a little let down with the ending. Nothing groundbreaking, but it had potential. Just left me, well, disappointed I guess.
My short scripts can be found here on my new & improved budget website:
Hmm... Well, I liked it. Well crafted, straightforward take on a classic story. Very safe. Perhaps too safe? References to pop tarts and polyunsaturated fat and phrases like "dude" and "shotgun" are about as far outside the lines as this thing colors. But it worked for me.
The writing was decent overall. The character descriptions were obnoxious. Similar descriptions appear in the action. There's also a few orphans that need to be taken care of. Other than that, pretty breezy.
I will say though that Andromeda's (nice name BTW) age goes outside the challenge, as far as I'm concerned anyway. Not a huge deal. But it falls short in the context of the OWC.
It's not bad. It grew on me the more I read it. It was fine story-wise. I liked the witches name. I'm curious about the connection between Brad and the witch. Is the witch his mother? Since there was cartoons on in the cabin? It was an easy read too.
I don't mind the descriptions as much because it can get a read going. I always think a good rule is to only do it when you have no other option to explain it. I feel like there were more options, but that's just me.
I enjoyed the story, it picked up for me in the second half and although the twist was more than predicable, I appreciate the fact that you alluded to us about it before it was revealed. That part of it is a more technique IMO, because it gives a distinct visual and tone to what follows it.
No comments read before. Non-native speaker – take it or leave it.
The Rift
Hello.
I've seen modern Hansel and Gretel in Alaska. I saw the ending coming, but it was OK.
Many illogical things like with the keys or the fact that such adorable brave kids would skip school (especially concerning to their age. etc… But I think you know them now, they are obviously.
In many scripts I read there is so much irony inside. I haven't known before, that horror has such a strong connection to that (proven by what I read in OWC until yet).
You did a good job with the kids. They are adorable.
I don't like the witch. She turns in a point and then speaks in another way. A kind of cool-smart-speaking. You are not the only author who does that here.
At this witch theme anybody seems to think: It's a witch, a fabulous creature, so I can let her/him speak like I want to. Unhappily many choose to let them speak, as, I guess, maybe themselves. It's a bad decision. Those serene minded cool witches are everywhere in the OWC. This is the thing when it gets too ironic for me. Half-solid. much to work
I enjoyed this one but wasn't overwhelmed with it. The characters were good, the dialogue was good and it was written by a confident hand. A solid piece of writing for a weeks work.
I guess my complaint would be that it was so simple and predictable - basically Hansel & Gretel remodeled and the ending was just so unsatisfying, but I think this could be down to the page count. I would have love to have seen some twist - how about that said monster is true and comes in and attacks the witch and this is what sets the children free... I don't know but it definitely needs to something to differentiate it from that famous old wise tale.
Surprising amount of tension in this, despite the well known plot. It was a pity it ended so quickly. Whilst I smirked at the "you know where this is going" line I don't think many others will. It needed to be a bit more modern and with a few new ideas to fulfill it's potential. Enjoyable, nonetheless.
This was quite a fun little read. Yeah it was predictable, but fun none the less. This was also clean and easy to read. I think the kids were enjoyable because so many of the other entries have been more adult based. Although I do think that if the scene with Andromeda eating the bird wasn't in there then it would lessen the horror factor quite considerably.
Your character descriptions are impossible to film. That kind of description is great for a novel but for a screenplay, you need to show us these things.
Writer intrusion...it slows your story down. It ruins the flow, especially when you ask a question. --This monster better not mess with her! --Did something move in there? --The driver...well, you know where this is going.
ANDROMEDA - Come in, come in, it’s colder than a...well, it’s quite cold. - LOLOL Great line!
Hooded Parker? Yikes. It's Parka, not Parker. :/
Was really liking it until the end. I might not have minded the SUPER convenient, predictable ending so much if you didn't interrupt the story and say, "you know where this is going".
This wasnt really for me. Your visuals were fine, and you seemed to set a good pace. But the story felt very contrived, like everything was a little too thought out at times with certain elements only existing to benefit the story. I didn't buy Sam grabbing the keys off the hook on a hunch at all. You just knew she was gonna use them! Things like that. The ending was predictable, as much as I was hoping you'd pull a rabbit from your hat and twist this in another way. And way too many asides. They just sound too cutesy for my taste.
Didn't care for the beginning too much, but I felt this one got better. I did feel for these kids, and I haven't found too many characters in this OWC that I really felt for.
Some good dialog technique with questions not being answered directly. I can't stand Q & A sessions. Liked "Sadly, they don’t make Pop Tarts in the flavor I’d prefer." Funny.
Couple of good set-ups and payoffs. Nicely done for a OWC.
“Every piece of writing... starts from what I call a grit... a sight or sound, a sentence or happening that does not pass away... but quite inexplicably lodges in the mind.” ~ Rumer Godden
You know, I think this is one of my top three (or top five at least) favorites. Simply written, engaging. With lots of really good dialogue. How the heck can't you like a witch story that has this line? "Come in, come in, it’s colder than a...well, it’s quite cold."
33. The Rift by Twenty-Five - Horror - Hooky playing siblings seek help when they lose a friend in a monster inhabited woods, and end up ensnared in a witch's trap. Brief - Kids playing in the snow find a modern Hansel & Gretel-esque witch
Location(s) - Snowy mountain, cabin exterior & interior Cast - Protagonist(s) - SAM, teens??, serious kid BRAD, 12, ski bum surfer kid WILLIE, ??, Sam's kid brother Antagonist(s) - ANDROMEDA, 70?, wrinkled old woman Genre & Marketability - Supernatural ??. Classic Judeo-Christian witch doesn't meet requirements. Comments - H!F!S! WTH izzup with that title page?! You know, this is gonna be a PITA to shoot in the snow, or just waiting to shoot it in the snow. Quail = $$$$. I start glazing over details about midway pg4... Make your character intros the proper way: Name in all caps, approx age, brief description of three or four words. Not seeing any witch stuff by pg7. Alright found classic Judeo-Christian witch on pg7 = fail. Don't care for the story, anyway. Ciao. Script format - fair. Final word - Criteria fail
Lo/Hi Estimated Budget Range / Screenplay Pages = $ Estimated Cost Per Screen Minute
Adherence to Given Criteria: Modern Witches and/or Warlocks - Nope. Classic Judeo-Christian demonized witch Horror - Not before I quit
The problem is that when you read your opening page, it is crystal clear that your above comments on your own work are far from reality. As stated in my feedback, it is impossible to have a clue where these kids are and what they're doing.
That does not show "excellent craftmanship" and the writing is not effective, sorry to say.
Hi! I agree to that "not have a clue where these kids are and what they're doing". I also felt a little bit thrown inside.
But I would disagree, if somebody would say these kids are bad characters. For me the opposite is fact.
I made something like a general chart for best shots, most Horror etc.
The rift was under my top 3 in characters:
The kids are definitely not perfect developed. But, I experienced an extreme emotional connection to them. Here a few of the lines to follow my opinion about how: She walks over to the bottom of the hill, maybe a couple dozen yards from the wood’s edge. Draws a line in the snow with her heel. She faces the woods. Arms folded across her chest. This monster better not mess with her!
Last sentence is not direct, but necessary and justified by the consequences. Because from that point I love the kid, the most important thing is that they all survive for me. Best connection maybe from every script for me.
The problems I see here were other points, you can notice in my comment.
But nobody mentions how difficult it is to reboot one of the Grimm's most famous tales. By the way: There's a possibility to reboot some of them together in shorts. They have the power and also there must be a society interest. You definitely got an audience for that.
The rights of the tales must be free for everyone. Actually you have to push this forward IMO
This will be my last response to Jeff on the issue. To the mods, my apologies, but his accusation was personal and baseless, and I could not properly defend until after the reveal.
(Prussian, thanks, I'll respond in a separate post)
Jeff needs to learn the meaning of hypocrisy. When you accuse someone of doing something that you ironically did yourself...you are in fact by definition a hypocrite. That conclusion is inescapable.
I did not bring the accusation, so there is no way it applies to me. I only exposed the hypocrisy.
To the charges: he accuses me of attacking the "good" scripts and supporting the "bad" ones in order to perhaps raise our own.
If you look at Caeserean Fiction, you'll see a purposely messed up title page and blatantly nonstandard slugs. Dena and I had discussed it beforehand, and we didn't care about votes. We were in it for fun, and regarding our work just wanted reaction to the story. We knew most regulars would never vote for a script constructed like this...but we didn't care about winning. Which disproves Jeff's theory.
Regarding the nature of my reviews, if you stack them all up, you'll see the effort was always focused on giving useful, constructive feedback to the writer. Some writers needed a confidence boost, and I tried to find the good in their work. Other writers were clearly very talented, but the stories suffered from flaws that prevented them from reaching their potential.
If the remarks failed to be useful, or occasionally came off harsher than intended, I apologize. There were a lot of scripts to read. I tried to be helpful.
As for my commenting on this script...I've never done that before(except toward the end of the contest). And I would not have done so here if Jeff actually read the story and then left negative remarks. All we wanted was reads...and we figured it would get few reads when the first remark essentially calls it unreadable. So I wanted people to see it's quite readable.
Other than Jeff, no one had trouble reading this. Many didn't care for the story...that's ok, that's fair, we appreciate those comments very much. Jeff had trouble reading it because it didn't fit his rigid understanding of rules. Could the writing be more polished? Of course. It's an OWC. But no one else was confused. Jeff was checking off his list, so happy to find scripts to dismiss. Nice work if you can get it.
Meanwhile, we go to Samhain, where most of the early remarks just happened to be from Jeff's friends...and where one was from him, calling it "easily one of the better entries". Hypocrisy really doesn't come in any clearer flavor.
Dena and I did not tell a single person which scripts were ours until later in the contest, and then only a couple of people. And those people didn't vote for ours. Again, all we wanted was to have fun with it, and for the writers to all help each other learn something to improve their craft. The OWC was a success from that perspective.
Prussian, thank you. You raise good points, as have others, let try to explain our thinking.
We wanted to jump right into the story. The kids are playing hooky, and they have gone to an area to sled known as the Rift...an area with strict rules because there is a legend of a monster in the woods.
We described Sam as having a crush on the older boy figuring that the actor can show this to a degree. She doesn't want to be there, she is not the kind of girl to play hooky. She is there because she is enthralled with Brad.
But she is worried about the monster. We tried to write it so people would visualize them focusing on the dark, mysterious woods.
The idea came about this way: I asked Dena what scared her the most. She said alligators. You see, when she was a little girl, they used to swim in a lagoon where there were gators, and someone was always assigned gator watch...usually her.
So we tried to recreate that fear in another setting with a different monster.
From there, we wanted a standard fairy tale in a modern setting.
Prussian, you explain that scene perfectly! When we said "the monster better not mess with her!"...the rules people will scream "aside!!". But we think this kind of thing captures the scene for the reader. This girl is scared, but determined. No monsters on her watch. And an actor can convey that. We want to root for a character like this. She's not just a kill buzz kind of kid...she's a fighter when needed.
With the rest of the story we ran into some problems that we couldn't solve in time. That's why we want feedback, not grades. How the kids are captured by the witch and how they escape needs a lot of work, and frankly some different ideas. That key thing just didn't work.
As for the ending, well, we knew every writer would see it coming. So I don't know, that's probably a problem too. Though it might fit if someone was looking for a standard type ending.
Thanks to all the other readers! Pia, thanks for the lesbian sisterhood witch idea, which could be cool. We wanted this to have a standard fairy tale feel, but if someone wants us to write in lesbians, I'm game!
Final words on asides and descriptions: these things are used, selectively, but to great affect by ALL pro writers...some more than others...but all. Don't take my word. Get your hands on the top black list scripts of the last few years. And don't do it because they do it...do it because it's the most effective way to convey the story you want.
This will hopefully be my last response to Kevin on this issue as well, but I do need to respond to this.
First of all, you know damn well that I do not like revealing my script to anyone, and you can go on pesonal experience on that. I did relunctantly reveal my script to a total of 3 peeps over the entire course of the OWC, so don't say my friends reviewed my script early and gave it glowing priase, because that's horseshit.
You, on the other hand, gave yourself glowing, untrue praise in the 2nd post, and for some reason, you still can't explain where my feedback to you was incorrect.
Well, it's clear the reason you can't respond to it, is because you know it's spot on and don't want to admit to your mistakes the entirety of Page 1. No one could possibly know what "the rift" was or what these kids were doing, until a sled magically appeared in one of their hands.
I understand if this was a rushed effort and the fact that you didn't remotely set your scene escaped yuo, but why can't you just do it now? What's the big deal, man? Seriously...
Feel free to continue with your ridiculous unfilmable and meaningless character intros - they obviously fool some peeps into thinking your characters have character, but don't be upset or surprised when others roll their eyes or call BS on them.
I merely was trying to help and didn't know who wrote this, so don't take it as a personal attack.
You guys....I appreciate all the reads and feedback on this little story. It was supposed to have an old fairy tale-ish feel to it, and I'm happy overall with it.
I know the Monster was a bit confusing to some of you. How that started out was a question and answer session. Kev asked me some questions...what scared you the most growing up etc. Well, I was the gator watcher most times on our dock...so when people would swim...I'd sit up on the dock and alert my Dad if I saw an alligator nearby watching. I still have night dreams about gators. And that's sort of where that monster in the woods thing came from.
We wanted it to sort of have a moral(hidden though it was) that bad things happen when you skip school and follow the 'bad' boy. I know we didn't do as well as we'd planned on letting this theme shine through, but heck...we wrote it with only a day or two until the deadline. We are just amateurs. All of us... not pro writers. Some ailments are to be expected I suppose.
Anyway, I don't know why there is such a bitter debate over this story ...it is only a little fairy tale ...sort of based on an old German witch story. I'm very happy with it, knowing it needs some work, but overall, I'm happy with it.
Thank you again to those of you who read it. I appreciate all of the feedback good and bad. It helps us grow as writers.
The monster thing kinda obliquely hangs off the front quarter-panel. In addition to making the Sam & Brad relationship pre-teen steamier the association between the magically-appearing-in-the-forest witch and the "monster" needs more reinforcement.
Nice Twilight Zone-esque ending.
Nah, I don't at all think this is utter sh!te. For crying out loud! It was a week! The re-tread bones are there. Just a little bit of tinkering and someone with three kids (probably could do this with two kids and one adult) and an adult in a snowy climate (sure to be available soon west of the rust belt) can film this with the requisite cabin in the woods.
Locations: snowy mountain/forest, cabin in the woods. Cast: have adult actor pull double duty for "monster" & witch, and 2 or 3 kids. Costumes: winter wear for kids, witch costume for Ann + few yards of furry fabric to wrap as a shawl (that sh!t's expensive. Like $30 a linear yard. Pfft!) Props: go crazy. It's your cabin & budget. $ 500 4 or 5 actors x $100 ea. per day x 1 day $ 100 Witch & moster costumes $ 100 Candy cabin decor $ 100 Got cabin? Day rental $ 100? Gas + craft table + misc. $100? Festival submission fees $1,000 Direct costs + $500 - 1,000 Indirect costs (camera + lenses, tripod/track, Steadicam, audio + gear, lights/cables/cards/batteries, computer, NLE, director/producer, sound guy, editor, audio editing, soundtrack/score, marketing/fundraising/festival rigmarole.) $1,500 - 2,000 Total budget / 9.8 Screenplay pages $153 - 204 per screen minute
Look about right to you to bring a contemporary retelling of H&G?
Hi Ray... why pay so much for the actors? There are a zillion actors out there all waiting for a chance to get on film, to be in something that is produced. Actors for shorts can cost as little as £5 ($10) per day.
On a casting call for one of my shorts there were over 80 applicants... all willing to work for free.
I'd hate to goto my regular day job and have my employer expect quality work outta me for $10 an hour, let alone a honest day's work, let alone a typical 12-16hr film day.
I might start treating them like dog sh!t if I paid them such. I dunno. $/£10 is almost pointless.
I agree that you can do that. Just not how I'd run my show, I guess. Fool that I am.
I'd hate to goto my regular day job and have my employer expect quality work outta me for $10 an hour, let alone a honest day's work, let alone a typical 12-16hr film day.
I might start treating them like dog sh!t if I paid them such. I dunno. $/£10 is almost pointless.
I agree that you can do that. Just not how I'd run my show, I guess. Fool that I am.
No, that's fine. I respect that... but truly, for most of these up and coming actors the acting credit is enough. They'd probably pay for it themselves... and indeed many of them do if you count travelling to the set and such. I know a few and it's hard at the bottom.
The part we need the most help with is figuring out how they escape from the witch. As it is now, Sam listens to the witch's advice to trust her instincts, so she pockets the keys for no good reason. But that's awfully convenient(and that part is my fault, not Dena's!). We were running out of time, and we were working Caeserean Fiction at the same time.
Dena's original idea was to have the bird be a crow...and have Sam take the keys with intentions of freeing the crow. Maybe we should have gone that road. We decided to change the bird to a parakeet so it could talk, and then we weren't sure if the locks made sense anymore. Why free a parakeet?
As Dena said, we wanted there to be a clear moral...this being a fairy tale. It probably was not very clear, but the moral is to be careful, monsters come in all shapes and sizes, and in this case, the shape and size of Brad.
The part we need the most help with is figuring out how they escape from the witch. As it is now, Sam listens to the witch's advice to trust her instincts, so she pockets the keys for no good reason. But that's awfully convenient(and that part is my fault, not Dena's!). We were running out of time, and we were working Caeserean Fiction at the same time.
Dena's original idea was to have the bird be a crow...and have Sam take the keys with intentions of freeing the crow. Maybe we should have gone that road. We decided to change the bird to a parakeet so it could talk, and then we weren't sure if the locks made sense anymore. Why free a parakeet?
As Dena said, we wanted there to be a clear moral...this being a fairy tale. It probably was not very clear, but the moral is to be careful, monsters come in all shapes and sizes, and in this case, the shape and size of Brad.
Thanks, fellas.
I see your dilemna. The keys are too contrived... although she would have a set somewhere. Maybe one of them can pick locks. Even that is a little shitty.
The bird could work... if maybe one of them helps the bird earlier, maybe it is injured and one of them kindly rescues it. The witch treats the bird bad, the bird gets the keys from the hook in the witch's private room.
Hey Kevin, if you ask for help, I'm definitely there to share thoughts.
You pointed out the problem. Good. I see it the same way.
They wanted to search for a phone cable- and that was great IMO, really creative decision concerning the modern Hansel Gretel aspect.
The box closes, right. I like the box as cage- good choice also
So at that point I try to look back to the tale.
It's a shame I cannot really remember. But, I think the kids were a long time in captivity. Some days if I remind right.
That's the point to go for. The speaking bird is cool, let him be for the mood, nothing else, maybe an interlocutor for the kids or an advise-giver.
So the kids are a long time at the witch's house. The time should give you more options.
Read the tale at wiki. The witch feeds the kids to get them fat and cook them at least. Maybe you can make something like an animal style/theme scenario in the house with the bird and another character could be a DOG. A brave lovely dog. The kids gave their foot to the dog. Maybe they learn him to fetch, by given him the yukky food the witch served actually to them, to make the kids fat.
It's just a thought. By the way- The tale ends with Gretel pushing the witch into an oven, where the witch wanted to push Hansel.
The animal thing is just a direction, referring to my best advice I can give.
Make them have a longer captivity. There you can find the answers of their escape/rescue and also the success over the witch.
Their captivity had to be short...we had a deadline! lol
Thanks, Prussian, your comments always a welcome help.
As the story is modern, it's best to have the kids escape that same day, before CNN arrives and all that. We just need a better mechanism, preferably something which allows the children to be clever.
We didn't want it to be Hansel and Gretel, though they are brother and sister. We just wanted it to have a classic fairy tale feel.
The monster thing kinda obliquely hangs off the front quarter-panel. In addition to making the Sam & Brad relationship pre-teen steamier the association between the magically-appearing-in-the-forest witch and the "monster" needs more reinforcement.
Nice Twilight Zone-esque ending.
Nah, I don't at all think this is utter sh!te. For crying out loud! It was a week! The re-tread bones are there. Just a little bit of tinkering and someone with three kids (probably could do this with two kids and one adult) and an adult in a snowy climate (sure to be available soon west of the rust belt) can film this with the requisite cabin in the woods.
Locations: snowy mountain/forest, cabin in the woods. Cast: have adult actor pull double duty for "monster" & witch, and 2 or 3 kids. Costumes: winter wear for kids, witch costume for Ann + few yards of furry fabric to wrap as a shawl (that sh!t's expensive. Like $30 a linear yard. Pfft!) Props: go crazy. It's your cabin & budget. $ 500 4 or 5 actors x $100 ea. per day x 1 day $ 100 Witch & moster costumes $ 100 Candy cabin decor $ 100 Got cabin? Day rental $ 100? Gas + craft table + misc. $100? Festival submission fees $1,000 Direct costs + $500 - 1,000 Indirect costs (camera + lenses, tripod/track, Steadicam, audio + gear, lights/cables/cards/batteries, computer, NLE, director/producer, sound guy, editor, audio editing, soundtrack/score, marketing/fundraising/festival rigmarole.) $1,500 - 2,000 Total budget / 9.8 Screenplay pages $153 - 204 per screen minute
Look about right to you to bring a contemporary retelling of H&G?
Ya know I love ya Ray. Thanks for all your hard work This stuff is good to think about as a writer...and often, we write and forget about a lot of this stuff. I am going to print a few of these out or save to my goog drive so that in the future I'll have it in my mind You rock. Thank you again.
Why introduce a whole new character? Always a bad move to invent a character just as a tool to move the story forward.
I see little difference between a dog or a bird doing it. You've simply said exactly the same thing as me, only intro'd a new character to do it.
You're right. Dog or bird as helper is not the important thing.
The bird taking the keys wouldn't be good IMO. Maybe there's another way with the bird. The point is; which I still think is the most important; that they have to be a longer time in the witches' house. The conflict between the kids and the witch must be bigger and longer. Then you can establish the other characters and the situation for an escape. It would be ridiculous when they are there: it feels like one minute in the cage, and curios things happen in such a short time.
So the combination of time and main conflict + a theme for the escape. The animals were just a variable choice for a whole theme...
Yeah, I think you're right, Prussian. They shouldn't be there for days, but probably hours...so it feels like they have overcome a great obstacle when they finally escape.
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