This is probably my favorite so far. Congratulations on a great script and in only one week too.

I thought the spells they cast were excellent. I couldn't help but picturing a young Jessica Lange as Molly.

I have nothing to add. No suggestions for improvement.

PS. I just now read Kevin's comment about not caring about Molly. I would disagree. At least for me, I found it satisfying to see Molly win. THEY cast spells on Molly. As far as I could tell, Molly had not done anything wrong. There was no reason for me to hate her and wish the spells would work. If anything, it's the others that are the bad guys here, so it felt good to see that Molly turns out to be the big bad bitch/witch and they shouldn't have messed with her in the first place. Just like Fiona Good in AHS. She's the baddest of all the witches, but we want to see her win. We wouldn't want to see some wholesome good person come and win over her, would we?  

Hey, Pia. We never get to know anything about Molly. She isn't even in the story long. Two brief scenes(and one dream). Maybe the coven had a good reason to mess with her. We just don't know. I'm all for rooting for the bad ass witch if we know more about her...or at least see that she is bad ass. We don't see that, or even a hint of it, until the final battle. We don't even actually know she is a witch til then. She could be just some hot chick that some jealous witch hired the assassins to kill.

It's hard to give a full sense of character in a short, I understand that. But I don't think we get much of anything. If you were rooting for Molly because she was a bad ass, you didn't know that until the end. As far as rooting for the spells of the assassins...exactly! There is no reason to root for or against those spells. We are emotionally neutral.

I completely agree with Pia, that 45 reads in (or partial reads) this is easily the best or at least one of the best 3.  No denying that, IMO.

It's sad to see Kev, who's a great writer himself, contantly slamming the few good entries here.  It makes ZERO sense to me.  I don't get it, I don't appreciate it, and I feel that his negativity to the obviously and batantly strongest written scripts sends a very bad message to everyone, of all levels of skill.

And, add in a very obvious glowing review to a script that he either wrote or had a part in that was extemely weak at best, just pretty much seals the deal for me - take his comments with a few shakers of salt - be they good, bad, glowing, or extremely negative.

Anyone else hope Kevin wrote this? There's a twist.

Actually, of the reviewers, I find Kevin is really well spoken. I can tell he thinks about his reviews, commenting on various elements. Not just spelling and format. Jokes eh. I find Kevin refreshing and mostly positive with his comments.

Check his reviews. He delivers elaborated opinions. And like bungholes, we all have one. Let it play.

I happened to really like this entry by the way.

Cheers...

Thanks Fountain, and no, I didn't write this script. And as I said in my review, I think the writer is one talented SOB, whoever he/she is. Very gifted.

I will also stand on the rest of me review on this script.

And I will not only stand on my other reviews, I will gladly compare them to Jeff's. Hardly the case that I have been the one slamming.

When Jeff reads a script, 95% of his energy goes into looking at the writing. Very little of it looks at the story. And there is generally no thought at all as to how the writer can improve his story. So the reviews tend to be useless, unless you are a beginning writer learning about slugs and orphans. Even his analysis of the writing is limited by his clinging to an archaic system of rules which pro writers have largely moved past. For Jeff,it's not about what writing is most effective, but about what conforms to these rules...rules which should be considered rules of thumb, not laws of grammar.

There are probably some beginning writers here, so they might find something Jeff says useful. However, most of them will be scared off by his complete dismissing and torching of their work, usually without even reading it.

As for veteran writers...well, if you think Jeff has anything useful to say on your work, knock yourself out.

I have to apologize to teh writer here, but in reality, when it's all said and done, the writer will probably be thanking me for the extra attention this will get - and it deserves it, obviously, despite what Mr. Negative had to say about it.

Kev, c'mon man.  Seriously?  For reals?  Are you honestly saying that what I have to say is incorrect or that it doesn't help writers?  Writers who either don't have a clue or writers who just don't give a shot?  I'm a little appalled at your words, and at your obvious disdain for the better written scripts here.

Sure, we're talking about an OWC in which, at best, we have 1 week to create and write a script in a genre and theme we enter blindly.  You really think we're gonna have fantastic entries that have no issues?  And here in lies the real rub - with modern screenwriting software and even auto correct spellcheckers on Outlook (E-mail), there really shouldn't be that may obvious mistakes in anything, assuming one cares about what they're writing.

If someone can't write a fucking sentence out of the gate, why would anyone even care to continue on?  Because you think they may be some genius with a brand new amazing idea?  Really?  No, obviously not really.

You crap on the obviously best written scripts and give horrendous ones praise...why?  To make you entries look better?  I honestly hope not, but the sad truth is that I do know for a fact you praied a crapper that you had involvement in and that's just  not cool or acceptable.

Come clean, bro and we're cool.

This was definitely one of the strongest entries so far. It’s well written and the pacing was spot on for me. Everything developed well. The spells sounded right, the kills were inventive and the final fight was well played. Even the punch at the end with the gun worked well and fit the tone. I basically took this as “Kill Bill: Magic Edition”.

I do however agree with some of the above comments about this being a morally neutral piece. We don’t really know enough about Molly, the Order, or these assassins to feel strongly one way or the other (it actually seems like a set-up for a feature in this regard). Maybe if we’d seen the attempt on Molly play out we could feel worse for her. Or maybe Molly’s first act of revenge shouldn’t have been to horribly burn to death someone who showed no evidence of having been involved in the plot.

Just some food for thought. Still one of my favorites though. Thank you!

A superior command of the craft is obvious, but one question:

If this is a f**k me? No, no, f**k you story - -why has the coven been tasked to kill Molly?

What did she do? To whom? Why? These answers might have ratcheted up the storytelling even more.

Thanks for the fun ride.


To any and all:
If you're interested and just for fun, here's a link to 9 Horror Films, each under 9 minutes.

http://theweek.com/article/ind.....amp;utm_medium=email

A very strong entry. This had fun characters, good dialogue and some great gore at the end.

I do think the story could have done with a few extra pages just to set the main characters up at the beginning but that's hardly your fault with the page restrictions. The one thing that really stuck out to me was the pizza - I just can't fathom why (when they now there is a witch coming to kill them) they would order a pizza - why not throw in a movie as well!

But other than that little nitpick, I enjoyed this one very much - great line by Molly at the end... "Fucking amateurs." Perfect line.

Excellent work.

Congrats on completing the OWC.

Steve

Very well written.  The only criticism I have with the writing is the line on page 3 "Molly scratches the scratch".  It sounds repetitive.  Plotwise- it would have been nice to get a bit more back story on why Molly was targeted.  It would also make the revenge sweeter if the coven did have a personal gruge as opposed to "just following orders."  Though it's still a good, well written story.

Solid story and writing with some inventive horror that hit the mark.  The pace here kept the story moving and even though it left a hint of something much bigger this worked well enough to stand alone.  Sure, there's ambiguity in why the Coven wanted Molly dead but I felt I knew enough to enjoy this for what it was.

All around contender methinks.

And never trust the pizza guy...

Writer,

Yeah, I liked this a lot!  It flowed well, paced nicely, and had great readability.  One thing it lacked was scares.  Now, when translated to film, I'll bet we'll see them.  However, is it not the writer's job to scare us as we're reading too?  I didn't find that here.  That being said, it is a strong script and def one of the better one's here.

I liked Molly a lot.  The ending didn't totally work for me, but when Molly walked out the door I found myself hoping I'll see her down the road somewhere again.  

Congrats on entering!  Nice work.

Steve

Not much to complain about here.  Dual dialogue was a surprise to see, though. haha

I must have missed the memo about Same Time. What's up with Continuous?

Apart from that the writing was good. Certainly a hell of a lot happened. I just didn't quite understand what was going on. It felt like I was reading the last half of a script.

R  

Blind casting

Not really taking notes so just a. Few comments...

I like the group spell stuff but I'm a tad lost after that
Too many spells - they don't have meaning to the reader so be sparse with them
Kind of a revenge play, a hit gone wrong.
We actually route for the bady by the end of it, well almost. The confused picture is different, but then maybe unnecessary.

Overlview -  Yeah , not bad, but didn't float my boat.

I felt very distant from the characters, the emotion the motivations.

We only only know about Molly from what they say.

The gun at the end is a cool move but possibly out of tune, but I'll forgive, it's worth it.

But, still, well done.

Post edit  - read the above comments, to be honest I would accord with Kevin, I just haven't given it as much thought.