Got me with the logline... a pretty decent attempt considering the time frame, not perfect, but good enough to pass.

For some reason I read half of this and then forgot about it. I had to go back and check that I hadn't reviewed it already. Weird.

I get the sense of buffy from this script. I think it comes from the fake witchcraft. Once you take witchcraft down to the level of spells (as is done in this script) then it's always going to remind me of Buffy and I didn't like Buffy. In fact, I hated it.

However, you write well enough that I can read it. A few present participles, but I don't mind them.

Some exposition on page 9:

MOLLY
Good little soldiers, doing the
Order’s bidding. Too bad your
pathetic magic can’t help you see
the truth.

OK, I got to the end... what is the truth?

The ending was actually quite good... but the early scenes came off as childish. The mixing of the excessive gore and Buffy-like magic doesn't do it for me.

All in all, a well told story. Just not my thing. I suppose it's worth a 7.1 though, just on talent alone.

LOL. Just read through some of these reviews and I'm starting to think that with the way dreamscreamer is sucking dick on this thread that the site owner himself wrote it. Either that or he knows it is a friend of his.

Defending a work that is not your own, especially to this degree, speaks volumes.

If Kevin didn't like it... so what. He's already said that it is written well... why should he have to like the story? Why should he have to believe the story works? Why does dreamscreamer care so much about this particular story?

Why is DustinBowcock such an asshole?  Seriously, that's really the question we need answered.

I don't think I've ever come across such an arrogant prick as DustinBowcock.

Looking vey forward to seeing which script DustinBowcock wrote.

Quoted from Dreamscale Why is DustinBowcock such an asshole?  Seriously, that's really the question we need answered. I don't think I've ever come across such an arrogant prick as DustinBowcock. Looking vey forward to seeing which script DustinBowcock wrote.

Well you know I didn't write this one, eh screamer. Who wrote it? Which one of your buddies? I don't think I've ever seen you suck dick this hard before, it's got to be someone you weally, weally love.

Hey Bowcock, I honestly have no clue who wrote this one, but I was pretty confident it wasn't you.

There's no way you'd jump to the defence of a script the way you have here unless you had an interest in it or the author. Why would you care what kevin thinks of it? What would it matter to you? Why go out of your way to defend a script that doesn't have anything to do with you?

Lot of unanswered questions there screamer...

This definitely isn't your script, so it must belong to one of your friends. I wonder which one it is... as you won't come clean we'll just have to wait and see, I suppose.

Anyone want to lay bets?

I actually believe Jeff when he says he doesn't know the writer. I think what happened is I must have given a review of his script elsewhere that he didn't like, and he retaliated here. Jeff knows I give fair reviews, something just tweaked him, and it had to be a review of his script, whichever one it is.

I do wish, if they have time, the mods would delete the posts here that have nothing to do with this script. It's unfair to the writer.

As I said twice, this writer is one talented SOB. If he/she is new to the forum, I hope they stick. If it's a regular, I suspect they could care less about votes, and hopefully these reviews are of some use to him/her.

The writing is super high quality.

I'm not going to be voting just supplying my reviews.

Spoilers!

It has witches. Used effectively I may add.
I liked the structure.
It has elements of what can be conceived as horror. It just didn't affect me.

Problems:

Three witches  attack a witch and all they can muster is a cat scratching her. While, a witch can raise hell on three witches?  I would expect a bit more damage upon the witch than a scratch. lol.

Also, I think this story is best for a feature or 30-59 pg. short. lol. Like some have pointed out, the reader never connects with a character, particularly whose good and bad. That should at least be established.

Hope this helps the writer,
Gabe

Since this is becoming THE thread, I will respond to Gabe: Yes!

I thought this felt like the set up for something bigger as well. I remember thinking while reading this felt more like the beginning of a TV or web series. Only problem with that is most of the characters died. However, if this was just using the space to test a concept, I have no problem at all with that.

It could be definitely be about Mallory. I saw it more as a movie than a series. But, anything could happen in writing.

Gabe

Well written, but this one felt relatively empty to me.  IE: a basic story of revenge, with characters that I didn't particularly care about on either side.  Obviously written by someone who has a solid understanding of the craft.  But...this one wasn't for me.

Cheers,

--J

Quoted from KevinLenihan I think what happened is I must have given a review of his script elsewhere that he didn't like, and he retaliated here.

Yeah, sounds like a tactic Screamer would employ. I'll buy that.

Do have to say the negative shit in this thread is a pretty big turn off... and it could have easily been avoided.  There was no need for those comments by Dustin.  You made your review, cool, you didn't have to step in, talking about someone "sucking dick" in their review.  That's just uncalled for.

Jeff doesn't kiss ass.  I hardly knew the guy when I sent him my first real script, and he was all over it.  He loved it.  And we weren't "buddies" then.  Over time, we got to know each other.

Then I sent him another script, and, buddy or no fucking buddy, he ripped the shit out of it.  Just because we were friends on here... that didn't hold him back.

If Jeff believes that he thinks a script is good, he'll let you know, friend or no friend.

Quoted from Guest Do have to say the negative shit in this thread is a pretty big turn off...

From what? You reading it? It didn't turn you off so much that you didn't respond though, eh. Not to mention adding your own negative shit, just to make things more interesting.

Quoted from Guest and it could have easily been avoided.

Yeah by Screamer shutting up and allowing people their reviews.

Quoted from Guest There was no need for those comments by Dustin.  You made your review, cool, you didn't have to step in, talking about someone "sucking dick" in their review.  That's just uncalled for.

That's a deliberate misrepresentation of events. I did not say Screamer was sucking dick in his review, I said that his attack of Kevin's review was. Screamer's actual review is his review... I don't give a shit about that. My issue was his attack of Kevin's review.

Quoted from Guest Jeff doesn't kiss ass.

Riiiight... and neither do you, I see.

Quoted from Guest I hardly knew the guy when I sent him my first real script, and he was all over it.  He loved it.  And we weren't "buddies" then.  Over time, we got to know each other.

Quoted from Guest Then I sent him another script, and, buddy or no fucking buddy, he ripped the shit out of it.  Just because we were friends on here... that didn't hold him back. If Jeff believes that he thinks a script is good, he'll let you know, friend or no friend.

That's all well and good. It's his opinion on other reviews that is the issue.

Quoted from Dreamscale Really, Simon?  Maybe you didn't read closely enough or maybe the writer chose to leave some things ambiguous. Shocked at the lack of love for this one.  It rocks and the writer obviously did a kickass job and spent alot of time coming up with this. And...no...this isn't mine and I have no clue who wrote it, but it deserves attention, if nothing else.

Quoted from Dreamscale I completely agree with Pia, that 45 reads in (or partial reads) this is easily the best or at least one of the best 3.  No denying that, IMO. It's sad to see Kev, who's a great writer himself, contantly slamming the few good entries here.  It makes ZERO sense to me.  I don't get it, I don't appreciate it, and I feel that his negativity to the obviously and batantly strongest written scripts sends a very bad message to everyone, of all levels of skill. And, add in a very obvious glowing review to a script that he either wrote or had a part in that was extremely weak at best, just pretty much seals the deal for me - take his comments with a few shakers of salt - be they good, bad, glowing, or extremely negative.

Attacks not just on Kevin's review but indeed his character... but yeah, I'm the bad guy for daring to say something to Screamer. It is actually Screamer that had no right saying those things. If he is being completely objective then he would allow other people their reviews and not try to sway the way other members think, using his (undoubted) influence.