SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 28th, 2024, 2:28pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    One Queue Twenty-Two  ›  Loves Me Not - OWC
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print
  Author    Loves Me Not - OWC  (currently 1437 views)
LC
Posted: February 25th, 2022, 5:13am Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Great Southern Land
Posts
7581
Posts Per Day
1.34
Dark and disturbing, but well executed. I keep entertaining myself with my review puns.  
A very aptly named lead character is Victor with shades of American Psycho and  Silence of the Lambs.

Ginger (30) a thick and gorgeous redhead.
Thick?

denies his advance.
rejects his advances, perhaps?

To quote Margaret Atwood (sort of...)

'Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.'

The actual genesis of the quote is a bit more complicated than that but it sums up this short.
As did Rene, perfectly.

I keep wondering what might have happened had one of the women not rejected him.

I did start to get a little mixed up with how many women there were by the end.
Streamlining might help.

I don't know... It's gruesome and horrible and there's a strange fascination (like a car crash) with the endless portrayal of women (particularly on film, but sadly in real life too) as victims of horrible violent crimes committed by men. Might have been nice to see one of these women get away and point the finger at him in the end.

But then that would have defeated the simplicity with this plot.

Might have been different to reverse the sexes for a change too?

Just thinking out loud...  
It's written well, but I have no inclination to watch it, or my proposed gender-reversed version.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 15 - 19
Billie
Posted: February 25th, 2022, 8:35pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
4
Posts Per Day
0.01
Horror is not my favorite genre but those who like gore will love this because it does have plenty of blood and guts and mutilations.  

What might have made it better though is to give us some back story, however brief, of your protagonist  so we'll know why he's so obsessed with the phrase "she loves me/she loves me not."  I was actually waiting to see either (1) a woman that did love him although then we wouldn't have seen what he did to them, or (2) a female saying "he loves me not" and kills him.  

Regardless, you've written a good short horror.  Congrats!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 16 - 19
PraneelNand
Posted: February 25th, 2022, 8:44pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


All you need to make a movie is a girl and a gun

Location
Tokyo, Japan
Posts
54
Posts Per Day
0.01
Now that one was dark, really like the way you twisted an innocent game of removing petals from a flower to this absolute horror show. Was overall decently written and was really creative with your dialogue.

It got a bit repetitious with your second act and I think with that much gore, it might suffer from diminishing returns by the reveal.

This was a great entry that i think adhered to the challenge, good  job writer and good luck.

-cheers
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 17 - 19
Grandma Bear
Posted: February 28th, 2022, 9:32pm Report to Moderator
Administrator



Location
The Swamp...
Posts
7961
Posts Per Day
1.36
Okay, you two. I just read it for the third time. The garbage truck thing, I still don't get, but since you explained it to me, perhaps making that a little more clear in the rewrite. I read all the comments and I'm not sure everyone else got the significance of it either.

Either way, people liked it, so congrats again.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 18 - 19
Zack
Posted: March 3rd, 2022, 1:49pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group



Location
Erlanger, KY
Posts
4487
Posts Per Day
0.69
Thanks for all the reads and reviews. Really happy most of you really enjoyed this one. I had a lot of fun writing this with Sean.

Pia, thanks for giving the script multiple chances. Sorry it still wasn't for you.
Logged
Private Message Reply: 19 - 19
 Pages: « 1, 2 : All
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    One Queue Twenty-Two  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006