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Hey there Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, TheUnburnt, Queen of the Andels, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queenof Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of theRealm, Lady Regnant of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons.
Nicely written and the twist I didn't see coming. How do you know how I circle my Baoding balls? That did read a bit awkwardly but apart from that, good job!
-Mark
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I didn't understand the ending here. Father rapes the boys or something. I don't know, this is obviously over my head as I read it twice. And I read the comments here - people seem to get it. Maybe it's just not something for me and that's the reason I don't get it.
I liked it. Well written and definitely not a one location talking head thing. A real story! Good job on that.
My only complaint would be that I'm personally sort of tired of religious leaders being sexually abusive. Which I think is what you meant here. I know it happens, but not sure it is as common as the films about them. Maybe change it up a bit. Maybe he flogs them instead or some other kind of punishment.
Good read, even if I didn't enjoy the story. I mean, it had a sexually abusive vibe to it from the start, and I don't know...seems like an easy way out. Yes, it's gut-wrenching, not because of your story, but because sexual abuse is so awful.
I would of liked to see it not end with the priest cornering a child, but something a little more original. Good writing, good story until the end. Kudos! I'd like to see a rewritten version for sure.
First read of the challenge! Now let's see where it goes....
Well written and meets the challenge, for sure. It didn't surprise me where it ended up. Maybe this is the first time it would be lucky to have room number 13! LOL
Nice. Tying chance and faith together when never the twain should meet. Aside from that, I don't feel much for this. It doesn't say anything other than priest's rape little boys. I like that there isn't a tacked on happy ending though.
Yeah, you need either room 1 or 13 or higher in this short! I agree with some of the others -- it's well-written, but it plays on a well-worn theme: Priests are pedophiles. I understand the drama it creates, but it's been done before, so why not go with something different? What that is I don't know, but would just like to be surprised by the ending here. Otherwise, quite well written.
Good luck, Gary
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
It's well written, but there's not really any tension. The kids talk about what might be going on. Then next scene one kid asks the other if something is going on, he says no. Then Father Michaels goes to rape one of them. It's just not engaging enough.
Since everyone in the boarding school seems to have some idea of what might be happening, I think you missed an opportunity to have Father Michael do the dice roll in front of all the kids.
No idea what baoding balls are - and I'm not googling it - but this was a neat little script. I didn't realise where it was heading and then did. Written well and it s one of the best ones. Good use of the props making them a real part of the story and not just an add-on to meet the challenge
I didn't understand the ending here. Father rapes the boys or something. I don't know, this is obviously over my head as I read it twice. And I read the comments here - people seem to get it. Maybe it's just not something for me and that's the reason I don't get it.
I didn't get much either. But I gleaned what you gleaned: