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This is Satan by A Boggled Mind - Short, Horror - A Sunday School teacher introduces her classroom to the board game, Boggle...unaware that she just opened up a portal for Satan himself. 3 pages - pdf, format
Interesting take. I wish there was more to flesh this out though. Realize that's not possible within the parameters but I wanted to understand why Satan was so into Boggle.
I liked how the dice were worked into the story. Satan - was he introduced? Doesn't matter . It's a horror story done in three pages. Kudos. Thrashes not trashes.
I feel like I've stepped into the Twilight Zone reading these comments.
For me this read like a pisser. Sorry if this was not the intention but it did. Now I read the comments and I'm not sure so I'll review it as if it is not a pisser.
The devil shows up a lot in these shorts, he must like 3-page scripts. Anyway, with only three pages you need to be lean so I'd avoid all the unnecessary clothing descriptions, some of which on the children are repeated.
As for the story itself, some kids play a game and summon Satan which kills them all. Years later, it looks like history is about to repeat itself. It really didn't do anything for me or make any sense but some really enjoy this so it just must be personal taste.
-Mark
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From the start, I didn't get why there is a classroom in a church. We don't have that here… or I misunderstand something.
A bit Jumanji style with the game having that strong dark attraction. I liked that last part.
An easy read, although it didn't convince me as a story because I missed a set-up or say theme that gives more reasoning to the action, what Satan wants and so on...
Reminds me of the Jumanji ending. It's not bad. It's just not a 3-page story. I think this type of the story requires some kind of the start when you start caring about the characters and only then bam - the game is rigged. This read fast though and I could appreciate that. Good actually. You could expand on it. We need more Jumanji! (I love Jumanji)
Maybe saying Boggle just doesn't strike up the "wrath of the devil" feel for me, but I still found myself enjoying this on a comedic level. It's horror by definition, but it feels like a Scary Movie skit.
Also, I'd just skip having the picture of Christ land on Carrie. Throw it against a wall or something, but it feels a little slapstick to knock someone over the head with a picture.
Boggle...Satan....maybe Bananagrams would of been an better game??
Set in 1977. Hmmm. "Carrie" the movie was big in late '76 and early '77.
Someone mentioned "thrashes" instead of "trashes". Also, probably should be "Children, come with me!"
My problem here is that With three pages you're limited on your ability to do a proper set up and conclusion. We don't know why Satan is released through the game of Boggle, as opposed to, say, Candyland. It just happens. And after Satan is released, we don't show him being sent back to hell. Here, all the children perish (I think) and the the church is apparently rebuilt and the Boggle game is back on the shelves. Did it survive the fire? Tough game. The ending would have made More sense to me if Satan were somehow shown being sent back to hell. Then the visual at the end of the kid finding the game would have more of an effect. Just my two cents. Good luck,
Gary
Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
I liked this short script a lot! I love horror and with a 3 page limit, I thought it was well written and action packed so kudos to you! Also this didn't read like a pisser to me so I'm not sure what that previous comment was about? Anyways good job and good luck with this. I would love to see this expanded into a bigger story.
I kept waiting to find out where Stan fit in. Oh. Disappointment. It was supposed to be Satan.
It seems like it was rushed and written at the last minute. A few revisions could make this entertaining and worthy. This could easily be expanded to a feature, perhaps using different games through the centuries. The contemporary could be a demonic Pokemon Go app!
The 5 year old kids are tasked with spelling words under time pressure?
Why has no one played Boggle there in the last 40 years?
Children screaming, being dragged by their hair, fire... Too much to be squeezed into a 3 pager, IMO.
One suggestion though, would be to have someone, either a kid or Carrie to somehow summon the devil. By mistake or otherwise so there''s a reason for him to show up.
It read fine though, I just wasn't crazy about the story.