T.G.O.L-The Gate of Life by Frank Klempar - Sci Fi, Action - After losing government financing on the universe-research project that was originally begun by his father before he passed away, Stefan Grand needed a break from all of it. He takes a job as a night janitor in the scientific institute SIRACOM. One night, Stefan share his break with a brilliant Russian scientist Alex, only find out the unthinkable. Alex just finished his twenty year long research on a Time Travel application, and shares that news with Stefan. Stefan is very skeptical about that, but one night again, Stefan spares his break time with Alex and this time, Alex offers to test his device. Exactly thirty second long trip to the future will leave Stefan in horror what catastrophe mother nature scheduled for our planet, but the short trip turn out to be one full year in our time. Suddenly his life is changed forever.  103 pages - rtf, format

Spoiler.
(I love time travel)
I enjoy the intrigue and the way the story unfolds, but certain key time travel elements create a great block to my ability to sustain disbelief.
First, I missed the age of Stefan (main character) the first time.  But 40 seems too old.  And why is he an astronomer?  If so, I think you need to tie in either his father or what he did as an astronomer.  Otherwise give him a different profession.  I understand the link between him and Alex, but I don’t think it is necessary.  

Reviewing a time travel piece is tough.  I kept having to go back and re-read parts.  Over all, I enjoyed the read – up to the part where Jamie shows up in 1995.  She spouts a ton of dialogue and explains everything.  This dilutes the story, along with her flashback tale.  For me the ending wasn’t satisfying.  Show don’t tell.  I find myself at odds with your ultimate statement, “If you die in the past you never exist.”  This doesn’t mean it can’t work.  It just needs to be set up and proved.   More.  The skeleton seems designed to mislead.  I enjoyed it, but felt it is explained a tiny bit too much.

When Alex sends Stefan to the future.  Does he die and return to 2008, or simply return from the watch?  
I feel you try and force this into a Hollywood ending.
I feel using Jamie as the bad guy at the last minute is bad.  You’re forcing your story to have another twist, another bad guy.  The back flash scene takes away from the tension.
Plot point 1:  Showing the end of earth in 20025.
Plot point 2:  Jamie arrives in 1995.
Ending:  He loses his family.

If losing his family causes 2025 not to happen.  The main goal should be his loss of family instead.  It has more meaning.  

My many questions/suggestions.
Do we need to have 2 kids?  If so, It must become heart wrenching to lose them.
P15  INT. SIMONE IN THE PLANE etc.   This scene is not necessary.
P16 STEFAN (angrily) Something about that building.  I just need to be there. JAMIE As a Janitor?
P17  Big issue for me here.  You have 13 unnecessary lines to a homeless man, while only four quick lines to his kids.  If you want us to care about the kids, you must make Stefan care, regardless of the ending.
P21 Eliminate: She closes the door and starts…sentence.
P22                 ALEX
(Russian accent)
Come on in, have some coffee.
P22                 ALEX
(extending his hand)
My name is Alexander Vladimir Petrovsky.
(Shaking his hand)
Stefan Grand.
Does Stefan have a nametag?  If not, this would be Stefan’s line.
P22                 STEFAN
(Nervous)
So, are you a scientist?  Or, are you working on some research?

Cut this line:  Stefan for some reason looks a little nervous.  
Alex rests the coffee on the table and stands proudly.
P23                 ALEX
An astronomer Janitor?
STEFEN
A double life.  Laid off.  On the astronomy part.  But I am looking.
P27  Cut out the BEAT:
P29  The vendor give back…  This line needs editing.
P32  The whole Secretary part with CNN and the dude applying for a job… I don’t think the interruption is necessary.  A whole page wasted on the media.  Robin from CNN?
P37  Cut out the NIGHT GUARD scene, and take us right to Jamie.
P41                 ALEX
August 25.
This is the hook and sinker of the story.
P43 INT. SIRACOM, BASEMENT….AUGUST 25 2008.  Don’t reveal the date.  
Cut out (The NIGHT GUARD is gone.)
P47                 STEFAN
(Upset)
Jamie, I don’t know what you’re talking about?  You don’t want me to work nights do you?
P48                 JAMIE
Where have you been?  I’ve had the police look for you… The kids…
(Angry and in tears)
Where the hell have you been?
STEFAN
Just at work.
JAMIE
For a year!  A year Stefan, you’ve been gone a year.  Where?
This scene makes or breaks the story.  And as a writer, you have to dig into it, and make it work. Do not cut it short.  Especially if you bring in the kids.  Perhaps you could have police drive by as he runs into the house, and then show them see his blooding footsteps down at a stop sign, and use them to cut your scene short.  And pull him away from her and the kids.
P49   Why does Stefan go to Simone and why Starbucks?  Just have him go back to his janitor work place and run them into each other there.
P52  A lot of talk.
P55  EXT. STEFAN FINDS  ALEX, THE CITY
Here is the Hook again.  This is where believability begins to wane.
P66  ALEX
But I miscalculated...etc.  This is a major element.  That he was not to be born.
And the next few pages are tough to keep our minds from interceding into what you’re telling.
P75    On this page, I had this thought.  Stefan must confront Jason to save him and the earth, rather than make him not exist.  
This is tougher, and requires a lot more work.  ☺
P89  We can make a fortune with this.  (necessary?)
P92 A call from the future?  Do you have a point for this?  (I like it) but was wondering what it meant.  Cause I didn’t understand.  
P94                 SIMONE
THANKS. Etc.
Crazy line.  Save Nicole?  Why?
P96 Jack stop packing, change to Jack stops packing.
P97  And the whole script changes.  When Jamie shoots Jack and Nicole, becoming the bad guy.  
P98                SIMONE
Stefan, this is really freaky… etc.
I feel this is out of character for her.
P101  If Jamie must tell them the story of Alex, do it as a voice over from her POV.
Because this is a 3 page back story at the end of a movie.  Perhaps try and have her tell a shorter version.
P104  JAMIE her dialogue.  Some of it is confusing.  Why didn’t they just steal it from the future part in particular.
P108  Why the grand canyon?  I feel it’s a cop out.  Drag us down, and rip our emotions out.
P109  Big questions here.  If she dies, does Stefan remember her?

     If not, maybe have him talking about them and forget his kids names.
But again, this softens it, perhaps this is what your ending is about.  I’d like to know your intent on this matter.  And have you make it more apparent in the ending.
Even not knowing, those you loved, and kids you had can be sad. Even if he’s not sad about them in the end.  Make us the audience feel the loss.

Let me know your thoughts
Joe

Dear Ojoe

First of all, thanks for reading the script. I have to tell you I'm little surprise that there was so many misunderstands for you, but I understand what you're saying. As writer it's my responsibility to let the audience see it the way I see it. Therefore,  I'm sorry. Furthermore, again thanks for your review, it was very professional.
Best regards, Frank.

good job.. i read the script and yes a few places it was bit tough, but take some of the advice the first reviewer wrote and you will have a very fine script. i am very glad you didnt use a lot of profanity i see this as a cover up on poor writing ...this shows you are comfortable with your skills..wouldnt mind seeing a film made of this..thanks...jw