Sent by Steve McDonell - Sci Fi - Two Englishmen travel back in time from 2005 to 1980. Their mission is to prevent the murder of John Lennon, in the hope of changing the future demise of the Earth.Their efforts meet with disaster.  Twenty five years later,a police officer who met them realises the truth. Now he must find the time device and attempt to stop the death of his wife, a victim of 9/11...  113 pages - pdf, format

time travel and the beatles? i'm sold! I'm really liking the concept of your story here, who isn't a beatles fan? I just finished watching chapter 27 a few nights ago so the death is rather fresh in mind! I liked the way you opened your script and throughout you have some pretty good descriptions, it really sets the tone, I'd just watch some parts you kind of over-describe but that's not so much a bad thing it could shorten your script by a few pages though! I really have no complaints though about this script, I found it really entertaining, it had some really good dialog aswell, plus i found you handled the transitions in time very well it was smoothly done! i like the music you chose to represent scenes, i definitely think this would be a movie that would draw me in, good work! keep it up, can't wait to read more from you!

- kev

hi kev thanks for the review. its the first one i've got! my script is on the celtx site but no one commented yet. i realise its a long read. i've read through it once but aren't sure which bits to cut. the original story started in 1980 in the pizza bar, with the liverpool stuff later on in flashback. but i changed it at the last minute. i've been a beatle freak for 38 years and love time trvael stuff so i wrote about what i knew best. i have some text of a sequel done - the boys have to rescue marilyn monroe(another one of my heroes) in 1962.
where in canada u from? we went to vancouver and toronto in 97. top places!
what is chapter 27? is that about john?  getting back to your zombie piece u should check out shaun of the dead. i saw it at the cinema when it came out and it was a real classic.
i have some feelers out with 'SENT' - sent a synopsis to a couple of studios and a mate in chicago is looking at it. he has some contacts in the business.
anyway man good to hear from you and thanks again.
ps my dad's name is kev too!

hi guys. I finally finished the revision of this script. Only taken me nearly three months! I knocked 40 pages off it and adjusted the story line. I think it reads a lot better. In that three months i have learned so much more about scriptwrititng thanks to SS. asking questions, reading other people's queries and, of course, checking other scripts. my apologies to anyone who laboured through the bloated 154 page first draft. I know kev looked at it and gave me a nice review.

i've been working on this story for 4 years now! first as a 200 page novella, then as a script. I reallly believe in it and one more polish should bring it home. I was hoping for some feedback on it, please. Maybe one of the SS hi-rollers( Mike, Phil, Rob, etc) could look at it. I would be most indebted and owe you guys!  thank you.

Steve, I got through your script earlier today.  Decided to think about things before I commented.  I have a lot to say, but I’m having trouble trying to get my thoughts in a cohesive form.  I’ll do my best.  I took some notes as I read (but not as complete as I usually do), and will attach them at the end.

First off, this is an extremely ambitious script.  Your story and plot are HUGE…probably too big.  You have lots of good characters here, but again, maybe too many.  I’m not sure who are your “main” main characters.  I guess it comes down to Pete and Liam, or Larry, as they all seem to spend equal time onscreen and have about the same amount of dialogue.  Is this a big problem?  No, not really, but I think it should be more clear, and am interested to hear from you who you think is (are) the main protags.  Also, interested in who, or maybe what, is your antag here. To me, it’s a bit unclear.

There is a lot of good stuff in here, for sure, but I think you’re quite far from a finished and polished script.  I guess I’ll tell you what worked for me and what didn’t work, and why, of course.  I’d be happy to discuss all of this stuff with you in more detail at your convenience.  First, though, let me talk a bit about some general things involving your plot, which I feel is very important.

Ah, time travel.  Such an interesting concept.  So many opportunities…you can literally go anywhere, at any time, in any year, etc.  Endless opportunities.  But also, with such limitless parameters, so many potential obstacles exist in terms of reality checks and the like.

There have been so many different attempts at this stuff over the years.  We’ve seen many different viewpoints and plotlines before.  One big issue with this centerpiece is that no matter how hard you try to make things make sense, things tend to unravel at some point, and multiple readings or viewings make them so much more apparent.   It’s just a really hard thing to nail down properly.

Using real life events in history is a cool concept, but again, tough to pull off.  The killing of John Lennon and the 9/11 tragedy are events that tend to stick in our minds.  They’re horrific things that people feel very strongly about.  They remind us all of how ugly mankind can be.  I think it’s a big mistake to include so much of your story revolving around the World Trade Centers’ demise, as most don’t want to see or hear anything more about it.  There were a number of movies about it, in the years that followed, but I think at this time, it’s something that should be left alone.

Finally, I read an earlier post of yours in which you said 2 of your favorite things were Time Travel and The Beatles, and you wanted to stick to what you knew.  I think you should have used The Beatles (Lennon) much more in here.  Once you go to the 9/11 stuff, the Beatles influence is completely forgotten (as far as I can remember).  You start off with an actual Beatles song, but that’s about it, other than some references to classic concerts.  The downside to all this, though, is that I highly doubt anything Beatles would be allowed, based on copyrights and the expense to acquire, or use them.

More to follow ASAP…

Part 2

The goods and the not so goods – Steve, I’m just going to throw these out as they come to me, and give a bit of reasoning behind my thoughts.  These comments can be taken however you want to take them.  Some will disagree with me on some points, but I feel strongly that what I’m going to say makes complete sense.

Story is good, complex, well thought out, and well researched.  Your research shows, as I got the feeling that in your head, you knew what you were describing in terms of locales.  You’ve got alot going on and there are some good twists as well.  Lots of interesting scenes, literally around the world, makes this an engaging read (or view!).

It is not a quick or easy read, though.  You tend to over describe things quite often, and it really takes away from the read.  Describing clothing that people are wearing that has absolutely nothing to do with the story, or detailed descriptions of things that don’t matter are 2 examples of this.  Another problem is that there are numerous lines in here that seem to be taken from when this was a novel – things that you’re telling us that can’t be seen onscreen (and don’t matter, either!).  Read this over a few times and clean them up and lose them all.

Your characters are well done for the most part, and seem like real people.  They tend to speak like real people would also, which is good.  Sal is my favorite, actually.  I also like the older cop in the beginning.  As for Liam and Pete, they seem like exactly the same character to me.  I couldn’t tell them apart at all, and after awhile, stopped trying, because it didn’t really matter, as they were together literally the entire script (I think?).  I think you need to somehow give them separate voices, quirks, etc.  They just tend to seem like an extension of each other.  I did not like the Errol character and didn’t find him to be at all believable, especially the fact that he was going to be President of the USA!  No way would a character like that become President.  I also wasn’t thrilled with Professor Lincoln. He seemed to serve as a moderator of sorts, laying out exactly where the story would be going and what the boys would have to do.

Dialogue was alright throughout for the most part, but at times, not so good.  I found that when Liam and Pete were talking with Larry (just about every single time), they would use his name extremely often, which started sounding really weird.  Like every other sentence would include “Larry” somewhere in it.  Errol’s dialogue didn’t work at all for me.  He did not come off as a real person at all.  There were also numerous examples of exposition in characters dialogue that didn’t sound real and simply served to fill in the readers about something, which is always frowned upon.

As I said earlier, time travel is a tough plot to keep in the realms of believability.  You did an admirable job, but there were a number of sequences that didn’t work.  The fact that we were jumping around in terms of time and place also made for a confusing read at times.  I think you need to utilize Supers much more often – probably every single time the time has changed.  I also don’t think your 2 main plot devices (preventing the death of Lennon and the whole 9/11 thing) really made a whole lot of sense, when you get down to thinking about it.  Interesting ideas for sure, but not completely believable, especially the thing about Errol becoming President, as I mentioned earlier.

OK, 2 things that definitely need attention are your scene headings and use of wrylies.  

Scene Headings -

This is something that some may argue about, but I feel quite comfortable defending what I’m saying.  I personally prefer to be very exact in my slugs, because I think it not only helps with the read, but also will make things very easy for turning a spec into a shooting script, etc.  Many do not feel this way, so let me explain what I’m talking about.

When you’ve got a scene in a house or the like, and you’re inside a specific room, you need to start the slug with the house (Liam’s, Smith, whatever), and then break it down further from there. Start with the largest thing first and go down from there…kind of like an outline would be.  That way, when/if you have another house, you’ll know exactly (and immediately) which house you’re in, as apposed to starting with the generic term like “kitchen”, and then the house.  Otherwise, you could have numerous slugs starting with “kitchen” that are not the same scene at all.  It really helps when you get down to shooting, and knowing exactly how many scenes are in each house, etc.  Same thing would go with an office building, police station, airport, etc.  Always start with the actual structure and then describe what room/area you’re in.

On numerous occasions, you used things like “aerial view” in your actual slug.  This should not be in there…ever.  If you want an aerial shot or view for the scene, just use it in your opening action line, under the slug.  These are obviously EXT. shots we’re talking about, but just because you start out “up high”, doesn’t mean that you’re not going to drop down on the scene, and have it continue.  Otherwise, you’d need a new slug once you do drop down.

Wrylies

You are using way too many wrylies and many times, the “action” in the wrylie should really be written in an action line.  Overuse of wrylies is majorly frowned upon, as you’re telling your actors how to act.  Nothing wrong with using them sparingly at all, but you are using them multiple times per page at times.  Don’t show actions as wrylies…ever.  Wrylies should only be used for things pertaining to speech (slurring, whispering, shouting, quietly, to himself, chewing, etc.). Just about everything else should be shown in an action line.

Wrylies take up a lot of space when you think about it, as they’re indented and take up a entire line, while usually only being 1 word.  When you use an action line, you get the entire line and you can also start another sentence on the same line.  I think you’ll be surprised how many lines you can cut out just by getting rid of the majority of your wrylies.

A few other things to consider…as it is now, your script will get an R rating, based on use of the word “fuck” numerous times.  There’s no sex, no nudity, and very little violence.  The feel of your script is PG- PG13.  No reason to have those expletives make it cross into the R rating territory.  An R movie should have as many elements that make it R, as possible.  When you don’t have them in there, the audience that you’re shooting for will be disappointed and feel cheated, so to speak.

Part 3

Finally, back to some plot points that don’t work for me, or were very confusing.  As mentioned several times, when dealing with time travel, there’re always going to be things that just don’t make sense, and, there are a few here that I think you need to clean up or explain better.

I like how you ended things and left it open for multiple sequels, but I don’t like the fact that the way Lincoln got the time travel phone was from his grandfather (Liam or Pete, not sure which), who got it from Lincoln in the first place.  Just doesn’t make sense when you think about it, but that’s how time travel flicks are most of the time.  I think there’s a better way to do it though.

The fact that Lincoln waited until he was apparently one of the last survivors in England, and holed up in an underground bunker buried beneath feet of ice and snow, just doesn’t fly.  That kind of climate change would take quite a long time to happen.  Where were all the other people in the year 2080?  How could anyone survive for a period of time in a small bunker by themselves?  Why couldn’t/wouldn’t Lincoln just do this stuff himself before everything got so bad?  Kind of a big reach also the way Lincoln got the lads to do his bidding so quickly, in the first place, also.

OK, almost done…let’s talk about your action and dialogue real quick…

I think your flow overall was good and everything moved along at a pretty good pace, but I also think there’s too much unnecessary dialogue pretty much in every single scene.  Scenes went on too long, with either unnecessary dialogue or action.  It bogged things down.  You’ve got so much going on that you just don’t need the extraneous stuff and extended scenes.   I don’t see this as a movie that works with so much dialogue…some do, some don’t.  The action needs to be played up, and the dialogue, played down.

Some of your action sequences felt a bit clunky, or flat.  I think I remember you telling me that writing action wasn’t your strong suit.  I’m not saying it’s bad, but I think it can be written better.  I think the action scenes need more oomph, more tension, more…more…well, just more, I guess.  You’ve got a lot of passive verbiage in here that may be part of the problem.  I’m not saying that you can’t or shouldn’t ever use ing verbs, but you’ve done it way too much, and way too often.  Try changing these sentences by taking out the ing verbs completely.  They’ll read better and the feel your reader will get will be more action packed, I think.  Things will move better.

Steve, as I said, I honestly do feel you’ve got alot of good stuff in here.  Although I don’t have a problem at all with your page length, the way it sits now, it should be shorter and more concise.  It’s such a big idea that I think you need to spend more time on certain scenes and less on other, less important ones.  Just by taking some of my suggestions, you can trim out at least 10 pages…probably more. With these extra pages, you could fill in some of the holes and make some difficult to understand scenes, easier to follow, as well as giving your main characters a little more personality.

You’re off to a great start here.  I hope this helps, and if I can be of anymore assistance, I will.  Best of luck with this.

Here are the notes I took as I read…

Page 1 – Too much description of where we could be – totally unnecessary.   I’d insert the Super immediately when the scene opens.  How do you show “the backward passage of time”?

Page 2 – Don’t use “Aerial view of” in your scene heading. “The music is still playing” should be simply, “The music continues to play”.  Use “Liam and Pete’s Flat” before “Kitchen” in your Scene Heading.  Try not to use so much passive verbiage (ing verbs).  You can easily fix these.  Watch overuse of wrylies.  You don’t want to use them often.  Many times, it is better to use action line for this.

Page 3 – I’d just use “Lincoln” instead of “Prof. Lincoln”.  It reads much easier this way.

Page 4 – Again, way too many wrylies being used.  “realise” should be “realize”.

Page 7 – Your scenes going back and forth in time will be hard to grasp onscreen, without headers.  Not sure how to make this work…maybe it won’t be a big deal…not sure.

Page 8 – Something’s wrong with Lincoln’s dialogue under the wrylie “shrugs”…check it out.

Page 11 – Lose the “over Atlantic ocean” in your slug.  Dialogue here is too “on the nose”.

Page 12 – Lose the line “The plane roars on…”.  No reason for it at all.  Use “JFK Airport” before “Arrival Gate” in your slug.  Always use the “bigger” part of the scene first, then go down to more intricate parts of the setting.  I thought they were already in 1980?  If they’re not, they should be as travel would be much less expensive, etc.

Page 13 – The entire scene with the Customs Officer isn’t necessary at all.  I’d lose it for sure.

Page 14 – All the stuff about Liam “feeling” stuff can’t be filmed.  I’d lose it.  Don’t use “Aerial view” in your slugs.  No reason for that.  You can use it in the first line of action if you want to.  I’m confused again about what the date is.  Now you’re saying it is indeed 1980, but I don’t remember them “jumping”.

Page 18 – The deal with the “visions” isn’t done properly here.  You need to show this through a montage or something.  You can’t just write, “he sees…”.

Page 19 – I don’t buy the interaction between the kids and the cop.  This entire scene is too long…you could easily cut it alot.

Page 34 – You can’t show the “smell of gunpowder” drifting.  Remember, this is a script, not a novel.  You say things like this frequently.  They all need to go.

Page 35 – Again, you say, “The smell of blood is intense”.  Can’t show this, get rid of it!

Page 40 – Your description of Mason uses things that we’ll never be able to see again. “Around the station, he is…”  LOSE IT!!!

Page 42 – “It’s nearly time for his shift to start.”  Again, this line is meaningless and cannot come across on film.  Get rid of all this stuff. I won’t continue to flag these, cause they’re just popping up all over.  You’ll need to go through this and really look for this sort of stuff.  I bet you’ll knock out 4-5 pages when these are gone.

Page 44-45 – Strange scenes here.  I realize time has passed, back and forth, but I highly doubt anyone would have a clue without the slugs.  Maybe Supers are needed here.  Not sure, but I don’t think it works as is.

Page 54 – Conversation between Larry and Sal on the nose again.  Not believable IMO.

Page 59 – Were they just thrown into the ground without caskets?

Page 74 – Oh boy…what a coincidence that Errol is just the guy that they need to save.

Page 75 – Things are getting really whacky now…

Page 78 – Dialogue does not sound believable at all here…nor does the situation.

Page 89 – You called Liam, “Lima” twice here.

“World Trade Center” – not “Centre”

Page 95 – bottom – Lima again…

Page 98,99 – The dialogue again is totally telling us stuff for sake of the story.  Why would Errol live with his Dad when he’s in his mid 20’s?  Wouldn’t he be off at college or living his own adult life by now?  If this kid is going to be President, I think he’d have some sort of life by now.

Page 106 – This is not an EXT. scene.

Wow, Jeff. Thanks, man. This is the precise review I was after, and I appreciate your efforts. I won't go into too much detail in replying, as I'm going to finish reading 'Fade'. Also our e-mails are sufficient for further comment.

I totally agree with all the points you made! It is a big project but i firmly believe in it. The main problem was the time it took to write it, and the changes made along the way. i can easily see the older bits that I left as was. This, coupled with my learning of new script skills, makes it very disjointed.

The story changed a fair bit, as did the sequence of the events. Late last year, I contacted a local script reader to get a quote for a look at it. She accidentally read it all and gave me a 6 page review! I didn't have to pay because she missed a step in the process. I felt bad about it and offered to pay some of the fee, but she never got back to me. I imagine she was a bit embarassed by her mistake.  Anyway, it was her suggestion to make Errol the key at the end. I had him alive and with Larry all the way through. the original ending was Errol was 'stuck' in time, at the WTC. Larry deliberately stays to die with him and his wife.
but the idea of Errol becoming the saviour prez was good, so I changed it.

A couple of quick things: I like your views on scene headings -  they make sense - but i can see how the purists would object;  I didn't want to give too much detail of the future 0f 2080 that's why its a bit rough. I guess I invited speculation -  I didn't want it to become too 'alien';  the ending is a homage to the end of  'The Terminator', where Sarah is heading out to hide in the desert.  the cycle of the phone being given to the infant professor is really for the viewer to speculate. I had that ending pictured way before i finished.
Jeff, thanks again for the effort! Fantastic!  After the web series wraps  I'll get back into 'Sent'.  It took me a moment to work out what wrylies were! yeah, i use too many, but i wasn't sure when it was or wasn't appropriate to actually use them.  noted!
cheers buddy. I'll be in touch!

Hey Steve, E-Mails are fine, but I think you'll find that when you post in here, back and forth, you'll possibly increase the interest fom other SS'ers to post their comments as well.  It never hurts to have your script at the top of the heap in it's genre thread.

Funny about the "script reader thing".  Glad you didn't have to pay anything.  I feel their services are totally hit and miss. I made the mistake of doing that awhile back myself - I was very unhappy with the "services" I got.  The reader I had was incredibly weak...he didn't even understand the basic concept I was after.  His comments and feedback were completely "Screenwriting 101" and when I delved deeper, he became increasingly uncomfortable with my challenges.  His suggestions were downright ridiculous, and in a nutshell, his servies were completely useless to me.

Again, I want you to know that everything I said is how I feel,  I don't sugarcoat anything, even if it's to a "friend".  I think you've got a great idea here and you're off to a great start.  Don't ever give up or lose the dream, and always stay true to what you really feel.

Glad I could help.

Thanks Jeff. I'm going to print out your review for easier study. I'm halfway through 'Fade'  so should have a review up in a couple of days.
Again, i appreciate the help! Cheers buddy

Quoted from Dreamscale Hey Steve, E-Mails are fine, but I think you'll find that when you post in here, back and forth, you'll possibly increase the interest fom other SS'ers to post their comments as well.  It never hurts to have your script at the top of the heap in it's genre thread.

True that, and now here I am for this very reason.  

I agree with a lot of the major points that Jeff made.  I was tempted to bail out around page 40 or so, but stuck it out.  The main issue for me was that this script was very talky.  The story is more or less narrated through character dialogue, and needlessly so.  As Jeff mentioned, many of your scenes go on for too long, and there is a lot of unrealistic, on-the-nose dialogue.  Frequent use of unfilmables was also a problem.

As an example of unnecessary dialogue, I would end the first scene with Liam and Pete after the Professor cuts out.  I really don't need to know about their plans to get money from 1980.  And I definitely don't need hear about it again at the start of the next scene.  This is a trivial detail that doesn't add anything to your script, and slows things down a bit.

The scene in Sal's is quite bloated, with lots of unnecessary BS'ing.  Remember to show, not tell.  Vincent doesn't need to explain to us how long he's been coming into Sal's.  This can be shown by how they address each other.  Also, I don't need to know what kind of pizza they order.  Dialogue should either develop characters, move the plot, or both.  Most of this scene doesn't do any of that.

After Liam and Pete go back in time, nothing really happens until John Lennon shows up...and even this is fairly low-key.  This should be a moment of tension, with Mark David Chapman being there, but I didn't really feel it.  So I was left hanging until five pages later, where your big event finally takes place.  But it happened off camera!  The most exciting moment so far...and you didn't even show it!  At first I thought you did it as a plot device, to reveal something unexpected later, but that didn't happen.  I'm still at a total loss as to why and how they were killed.

One small thing I'd want to mention is that most people would probably refer to John Lennon as simply John Lennon.  He's famous enough that it wouldn't need to be prefaced by "the musician" or "the guy from the Beatles".

The scene with Larry and Carole at the cemetery pretty much epitomizes what I mean by "narrating with dialogue".  Why not show the actual burial?  So we can see the bag being buried rather than being told about it.  Also, this is one of several places where you tell us something over again...they don't know who Liam and Pete are.  We knew this in the first place, knowing they're from the future.  We are told it directly in the scene with Jack Mason.  We really don't need it a third time.

Regarding the exhumation scene, we bury people in caskets.  He wouldn't find a bone in the dirt.

When Liam and Pete are following Errol, it's too much dialogue.  This is a scene that should be much more action.  Also, their confrontation in the tower seems a bit strange for a number of reasons.  Errol seems to be a bit too collected in some ways, and a bit too naive in others.  I also don't like that the konk on his head made him forget his scuffle with Liam and Pete.

The ambiguous ending kind of worked for me.  I didn't really mind the seeming Catch 22 of the Professor getting the phone from Pete.

In summation, I would really try to cut and trim your dialogue throughout the script, and add more action.  In particular, Liam and Pete are really underdeveloped.  To a certain extent, I agree with Jeff that they are indistinguishable.  However, I do get a notion that Liam is the leader - he knows all about 9/11 (and you should probably explain how), he's the one who wants to hear the professor out, he's always taking the initiative.  I also see Pete as more of the comic relief - always hungry, has the line about wondering if they won the title, etc.  This needs to be played up more, though.  Also, I'd like to see more reference to their real lives - their jobs, friends, family, etc.  Additionally, I think they need to actually do more in the script.  Let's face it, all they really do is hit Errol over the head with a statue.  They never really have an opportunity to grow as characters.  Larry, in contrast, accomplishes much more than they do, since he has to figure things out on his own, without the Professor holding his hand.  He's also a bit more developed, though I still feel he could have some sort of personal motivating factor in 1980.

I really like the concept of the story, but I'd like to see it come to life more.  Go past the narrative and bring the more human elements of the story to the forefront.

Hi escapist! Thanks for the read. This is what I was after so I appreciate.
Yeah, I've gone over Jeff's notes thoroughly and realise all the things I need to fix this up. Maybe I have taken on a lot of story at once, but it's been with me for 4 years, so has changed immensely.
I know it's very dialogue heavy - that came from adapting the script from the original 200 page novella. When I started the script, I was still a bit of a novice at the craft. In the months since, i hope I've learned a lot from SS.
The whole scenes at the Dakota were unchanged from the novella which shows up when i re-read it.
Um, yeah, you back up all Jeff said and I'm going to get onto it ASAP.  Just a note about the coffins? I presumed after 25 years the wood would have rotted? maybe I should've had Larry finding bits of wood when digging.
Anyway, man, thanks again for the review. If you need a script looked at, please let me know. Another point, sorry. The original had all sorts of details about the boys jobs and families but i cut it in the 2nd draft. on the other hand, i put about the money needed for 1980, as I thought someone might wonder about it. I probably would've . ok Cheers

Modern caskets are a bit more sturdy than the simple wooden boxes used back in the day.  They're frequently metal, but even if it was wood, I'd expect that Larry would have to bash his way through the lid at least.  I wouldn't expect it would have completely broken down in 25 years.

I totally know where you're coming from on the money thing, as I've caught myself doing that in my writing as well.  I think you just have to ask yourself if it's interesting enough to include, or if it is absolutely necessary to explain.  People might wonder, but I think we're all willing to accept the fact that they could get the money.  I'd be more likely to wonder about all the time travel loopholes, myself.    Also, I forgot to mention it, but you should probably have them enter months and days with double digits.  Otherwise January 11th and November 1st would be indistinguishable, etc.

Great point about the dates 1/11 and 11/1.  Very interesting.

Also, about the caskets, I'm pretty sure they're metal and have been well before the 80's.  Also, they would both have thier own.

About the money thing or loopholes in general, I suggested earlier that they should jump back in time prior to the flight, because $500 or whatever amount would buy alot more in 1980 than it would in 2005.  Not sure about the exchnage rate back then or now, but it could also make a difference.

just quickly. i'll write more later when i have time.  i have pages and pages from my original novella, stuff ididn't use pertaining to money and stuff, and the logistics of time travel. they had to fly in their present because their passports would've been invalid! I went crazy trying to make it all make sense, trust me!
Later i will write out a bit of an outline of how i see the basic story is. it may make more sense. thanks guys.