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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Halo Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: October 3rd, 2012, 6:07am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Halo by David Clatworthy - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Three teenagers are drawn together from across the world to save the earth from Satan's destructive return. 80 - pdf, format


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Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  June 4th, 2013, 12:33pm
revised draft
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Forgive
Posted: October 15th, 2012, 7:26pm Report to Moderator
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Let The Sky Fall

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Sometimes, when it opens in a word doc, you just know it's going to be a car crash. In some ways an interesting idea, but in just about everyother way -- just wrong.
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TheReccher
Posted: October 19th, 2012, 11:05pm Report to Moderator
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What Sicoll007 said. When I click the link and I see the Microsoft Word icon that's already the first sign of an amateur writer. Download Celtx. It's free software and 100% worth it.

If you re-do this in proper format, I'll read it. But I'll give you advice on your logline, it's way to over-explained and cluttered. Get to the nuts n' bolts of your story and shorten it down to thirty or so words.
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RegularJohn
Posted: November 21st, 2012, 2:04pm Report to Moderator
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Every 23 months for 23 days, Johnny writes.

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Hello David.

This format is just killing the flow and coherence of the story.  I made it a few pages before the structure was just too much.  Trelby is another free program you could try out and in either case, it will drastically improve your scripts readability.

In the pages I did read, I either found big chunks of dialogue or big chunks of description.  Based on the way the script is formatted, the long, all-caps action lines, and all of the unnecessary "CUT-TO's", this could end up as a lengthy short.

First thing's first, proper formatting then we'll see what we got.  Best of luck.


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