SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is March 29th, 2024, 3:39am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
One Week Challenge - Who Wrote What and Writers' Choice.


Scripts studios are posting for award consideration

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  The Conflict Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 2 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    The Conflict  (currently 1099 views)
Don
Posted: November 29th, 2012, 10:28am Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
16381
Posts Per Day
1.94
The Conflict by Steve Cadieux - Sci Fi, Fantasy - Stephen will have to stop the Government political conflict and stop world domination from eminent enemy attack. 95 pages - pdf, format


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  January 3rd, 2013, 11:19am
revised draft posted
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
RegularJohn
Posted: November 29th, 2012, 12:16pm Report to Moderator
New


Every 23 months for 23 days, Johnny writes.

Posts
276
Posts Per Day
0.07
Hello Steve.

First off, the logline is really vague and unappealing.  It needs some work.

I opened the script and to see a huge block of action lines followed by huge blocks of dialogue which, just by appearance, isn't looking good.

You've got way too much description followed by five pages of dialogue, it's exhausting.  Didn't make it past page two, sorry to say.  Chop out the pointless detail and trim the dialogue, perhaps make some of it a voice over while you illustrate what happens in the Valley of the Shadow.  Best of luck.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
SteveCadieux
Posted: December 5th, 2012, 3:45am Report to Moderator
New


Posts
2
Posts Per Day
0.00
Thank you for checking it out, that why i posted here, so i can work on update on it, all see what i can do
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006