Star Wars Episode VIII: The Galactic Assault by Jared Sizemore - Sci Fi, Fantasy - The teachings of Logos have spread throughout the galaxy. However, an enemy invading force appears bringing havoc and destruction. President Leia Solo and the Republic, as well as Luke and his followers, struggle to protect the galaxy from annihilation. 143 pages - docx, format

Oh, the joys of fanfic.  

It never ceases to amaze me how some scribes go full steam ahead with fan scripts but never take the time to improve on any writing abuility they do have. Page numbers on the left side? doc format? Camera angles? Orphans?

Could I get past page five? Yes!
Page six? Not so much.

Jared,

Okay, it's in doc format, but at least the formatting is right (minus the orphans). And holy crap... you have to manually format all of this? Download Celtx, man. It's free, formats the script for you. Will definitely make your life easier... Also, people prefer pdfs and some won't open anything in .doc format.

140 pages is way too long for anything unless you're a pro. I know it's Star Wars, and they're all pretty long movies, but regardless, anything over 120 is extremely hard to get right.

So onto the writing, your action lines are decent. Some unfilmables throughout, nothing you can't catch in some quick editing. Basically, only write what we see on the screen. Don't write things like "the ships arrive unexpectedly" or "Bob is embarrassed," because there's no way to show something like that on film. Instead, go for something more visual. Show, don't tell.

Anyway, I don't mean to be harsh, and I hope this all helps.

Will

Jared, don't be discouraged. It takes time. I'm just reading the comments, not the script.

In addition to Celtix, Adobe has free screen software now too. Adobe story or something like that.

Also, join the Scriptshadow blog and get some current pro scripts to look at. Man I wish I had those 2 years ago when I began.

Good luck!

Wow, I logged on to see that people actually looked at my script!  (I don't think anybody saw my Episode VII script...which is still on here somewhere).

I'm a little surprised that there are more comments on formatting rather than the actual story of the script.  I suppose I can do PDF's from now on and use script formatting software, but this is just the way I've always done it.  I didn't think it was a big deal.  But I do appreciate you all taking a look.

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Crookedowl

140 pages is way too long for anything unless you're a pro. I know it's Star Wars, and they're all pretty long movies, but regardless, anything over 120 is extremely hard to get right.
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The prequel movie scripts are long, over 120 pages.  In preparing my own trilogy, I had a lot of story for Episode VIII, and I decided just to keep most of it in.  I mean, who really cares?  It's not like some producer is going to hack apart my script.  I could have gone back and cut it down closer to 120 pages, but what's the point?  I like what's in there and I just left it in.  

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So onto the writing, your action lines are decent. Some unfilmables throughout, nothing you can't catch in some quick editing. Basically, only write what we see on the screen. Don't write things like "the ships arrive unexpectedly" or "Bob is embarrassed," because there's no way to show something like that on film. Instead, go for something more visual. Show, don't tell.
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Yes, I am aware of this "rule" of screenwriting.  You write only what you can show, you don't put characters' thoughts and such.  I get that.  But..........I know that this script will never be made (apart from Disney's version of course).  Precisely because my version of Episode VIII will not filmed, I though it okay in this instance to add in bits here and there of "unfilmable" things to aid the reader just a little.  If I were writing my own original script (which I have), I do not put those unfilmable bits in it.

I've been writing scripts off and on for the last 10 years, so i'm not just some young whippersnapper starting out (I'm 35).  There was a time when i strongly considered going into the film industry (have a degree in it), but now it's more of a fun hobby.  I'll just be sure to upgrade my technology.  

I do appreciate all the feedback though.

How about some feedback on the Story?  How Episode VIII flows from VII? (you have to read VII first though).  The exciting and interesting finale of VIII and how it sets up IX???