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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Man, Woman, and Wild Moderators: bert
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  Author    Man, Woman, and Wild  (currently 1276 views)
Don
Posted: September 27th, 2015, 7:44am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Man, Woman, and Wild by Roberto Negron - Sci Fi, Fantasy, Animation, Family - A dolphin's mission to get his pod to South Africa in time for the Annual Sardine Run takes a turn for the worst when one of his females gets kidnapped by a rival pod of dolphins. 68 pages - pdf, format


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Don  -  February 9th, 2016, 5:43pm
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Josh
Posted: October 2nd, 2015, 6:21pm Report to Moderator
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I don't know if the writer's here, but this is just some feedback on the outline: Who are the protagonists, the dolphins or the deep sea divers? And why do we care about the outcome of this documentary if we're caught up in this dolphin battle?
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FMLS
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These multiplot scripts are always an interesting read. It can be hard to give all of the characters their time in the spotlight but I think you managed it pretty well. Having them all be different species helped in remembering who was who, but I still had a hard time with all the names. Maybe if you stuck with different naming patterns for each species it’d be easier on the reader.

The talking sardines show up for a couple of scenes then disappear; I’d like to at least see what happened to them.

Some of the dialogue read weirdly. Of the top of my head, the only I one I remember was the scene between Bubbly and Fleet, where she tells him to be more confident in himself.

I liked that the shark showed up again towards the end, but the way it happened (or rather, the way they dealt with him) felt contrived. I didn’t buy it, and it felt like a missed opportunity. You could have the dolphins trick him into breaking his teeth again, or something along this line.

Buster the seal felt underdeveloped. Considering his character arc, it’d work better to have him get stranded earlier. We’d get to see him fending for himself and interacting with the other characters a bit more. As it is, he’s introduced early on, and then nothing happens to him till page 43.

It’s only 67 pages long so you have plenty of leeway in adding new stuff. I thought it was pretty cool script and found it easy to visualize as an animation film. Good luck with it!
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