Star Wars Episode IX The Fallen Sons Part 1 & II by Scott Sturm - Sci Fi, Fantasy - In the final moments of a decades long conflict . . . In the darkest hour for the galaxy . . . Hope will be found. 297 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

I had a go on this, as a huge starwars fun. Went through the first 15 pages, but formatting/grammar made me stop.

Some notes:
verb tense. Present progressive/past
Better use 'We see' insted of 'we're being..' or 'for/to us'
page 7- ... to us, the audience, it resembles... / page 10- Unkar appears larger than life... (
(show, don't tell)
break action scenes. eg page 9- Threepio turns and looks...is UNKAR PLUTT (should look something like this: Threepio turns and looks towards the trading post window. UNKAR PLUTT stands there. Conducts business).
Better break too many action 'and' too. eg page 11: Unkar's eyes grow wide. Grabs Threepio by the neck. Pulls him close.
Remove begins to, starts to..

Huge effort though, willing to go through the whole thing after a revision or something..

I read the entire first part a few months ago, read about 20 pages of the second part before life (and Coronavirus), got in the way.

I'd say, most of all it was actually pretty good. It felt like it really was building up to something big, and i liked the dialouge aswell as the characters. Poe felt a bit out of character in the beginning, but you do you.

I actually respect, for someone who (according to a post on reddit) greatly dislikes The Last Jedi, you actually stuck pretty close to what it set up, which i admire.

Most of all, a good script, but a few points keep it from being great.

One big piece of criticism i've got is the ending of part I. It was basically 5 solid pages of action lines and really dragged. They were really hard to get through and almost made me quit reading the script.